Gallaxia Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 So I joined an dating site Saturday. Within a couple of hours I got a message from a guy interested in going out. Not my type but we had a few things in common so I thought I'd give it a chance. We exchanged a few notes before exchanging phone numbers. Everything seemed fine until.... Within half an hour of getting my number he started blowing up my phone with text messages and compliments. For obvious safety reasons, I want to take things very slowly- so I suggested we meet later in the week for drinks, thinking that in between that time, a quick one or two texts till then would suffice. For me I feel like he's moving at an off-putting speed. Especially since we haven't even met! Yesterday afternoon he text me a couple of times without me responding. When I finally did I told him I had been running errands and am eating a late dinner and doing some reading (all the truth), thinking he'd get the hint that we should perhaps talk later but he just text right back about what he did, what movie he had just saw etc. I didn't even respond. And he just text me again right now to ask how I am doing!!! So, so far he's texted me 11 times since Saturday afternoon! He doesn't seem to take a hint! Nor does he seem to be reading the interaction we're having. I am completely put off as this seems a bit creepy to me. What can I say for him to get the message that I am no longer interested in meeting up? Or do I just ignore him? Kind words please.
GemmaUK Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 As long as you respond and respond being nice he will see it as a positive response so will keep going. I would just be straight up with him and say all the texting is all a bit too much and way too soon and that you have figured out that you wouldn't be compatible so no longer want to meet. This could of course lead him to want to change his approach by asking you how much he should text. It depends how interested you are. The less said the better if this has really put you off as your communication styles and needs could be massively different. 3
TheyCallMeOx Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 (edited) Hey, I really appreciate your kindness. I think it's really sweet. However, I am looking for someone who is looking for something who wants to take things slower. You seem like a guy who is an amazing guy, wants to get the ball rolling, and I think you deserve a woman who feels the same way. I feel I cannot be that girl for you, and will, unfortunately, be moving onto someone different. I appreciate your time, and I really do hope you find someone who is as awesome as you. Include the smiley face. If you want to make your own message, just don't make him seem like a bad guy. Ain't nothing wrong with going slow, but there's nothing wrong with going fast, either. This is a compatibility issue; not a clingy, or whatever the case may be, issue. Make sure you indicate that you're not interested in him, and that you're moving onto someone else. You don't need to be all "your texts made my clitoris disappear," but just mention that you're looking for something not so fast. Edited August 18, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx
Author Gallaxia Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Thank you GemmaUK and TheyCallMeOx. I did a combination of the two and just text him back. Ugh. Sucks but it had to be done. I couldn't imagine if I had overlooked this and continued on until real emotions were involved and what that could have been like. Thanks for your help. O.O Aaaaand I haven't even finished thanking you guys and he's text me back saying he is confused as he was just asking how my day was going and we haven't even set a day and time to meet up for drinks (how much slower is that) and he's confused. Help! "It's weird you don't want amazing...take your time."
isisisweeping Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I would NOT have said anything about him being amazing or anything because if he doesn't get cues no matter what he says, that will be seen as encouraging. Say, "I am not interested in meeting any longer at this point. Good luck in your search." 1
ThorntonMelon Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I've probably been guilty of the same thing. I don't think he did anything wrong, but if that's too much for you, then you did the right thing by cutting it off. To each their own....
Assasda Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Yeah that guy sounds emotionally unstable. You have every right to feel what youre feeling. Just tell him that you cant meet him, tell him good luck, then block his number. He did everything wrong
sid3 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Another example of the majority of guys having no clue. I'm guessing had he kept the texting infrequent and brief he'd had a first date to look forward to. Do him a favor and let him know where he went wrong, of nothing else, you'll save the next girl the same uneasiness you're experiencing. 2
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 So I joined an dating site Saturday. Within a couple of hours I got a message from a guy interested in going out. Not my type but we had a few things in common so I thought I'd give it a chance. We exchanged a few notes before exchanging phone numbers. Everything seemed fine until.... Within half an hour of getting my number he started blowing up my phone with text messages and compliments. For obvious safety reasons, I want to take things very slowly- so I suggested we meet later in the week for drinks, thinking that in between that time, a quick one or two texts till then would suffice. For me I feel like he's moving at an off-putting speed. Especially since we haven't even met! Yesterday afternoon he text me a couple of times without me responding. When I finally did I told him I had been running errands and am eating a late dinner and doing some reading (all the truth), thinking he'd get the hint that we should perhaps talk later but he just text right back about what he did, what movie he had just saw etc. I didn't even respond. And he just text me again right now to ask how I am doing!!! So, so far he's texted me 11 times since Saturday afternoon! He doesn't seem to take a hint! Nor does he seem to be reading the interaction we're having. I am completely put off as this seems a bit creepy to me. What can I say for him to get the message that I am no longer interested in meeting up? Or do I just ignore him? Kind words please. 1. Obviously you gave out your number too early. 2. 11 text messages over the course of 72 hours (it's 7:38pm here right now) doesn't seem like a lot to me. 3. Just be honest. If you want to be nice, say something like "I'm looking forward to meeting you on xxxx, I'll text you an hour before we meet to make sure everything is still good to go with you." If that doesn't work, tell him to stop contacting you.
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 1. Obviously you gave out your number too early. 2. 11 text messages over the course of 72 hours (it's 7:38pm here right now) doesn't seem like a lot to me. Different strokes & speeds for different folks. Three messages in 72 hours would have me headed for the hills screaming no thank you too clingy / too needy / no sense of personal boundaries or the concept of space. It's better to give out a number early then drag this out. OP I think you already messaged him but for what it's worth I would written something along the lines of: I'm flattered that you thought so highly of me as to bombard me with text messages but honestly, I found it overwhelming & off-putting. As a result I have now reconsidered my initial decision to meet with you. I am cancelling our meet up on [date]. Thank you for your interest & best of luck finding someone who appreciates your intensity. 1
DrSimple Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 (edited) Different strokes & speeds for different folks. Three messages in 72 hours would have me headed for the hills screaming no thank you too clingy / too needy / no sense of personal boundaries or the concept of space. It's better to give out a number early then drag this out. OP I think you already messaged him but for what it's worth I would written something along the lines of: I'm flattered that you thought so highly of me as to bombard me with text messages but honestly, I found it overwhelming & off-putting. As a result I have now reconsidered my initial decision to meet with you. I am cancelling our meet up on [date]. Thank you for your interest & best of luck finding someone who appreciates your intensity. I like it, but maybe a little bit more simple explanation and kind words. That opening line is just inviting some blow back that will see the OP back here saying how the guy blew up on her after sending that Hey, sorry for being slow to get back to you. The truth is that I feel a little off put by the amount of texts you have sent me since getting my number. I feel that this much communication before a first date is too much as we haven't even met yet. I don't think you are a bad person, but we don't seem to have similar views on dating so at this point I am going to move on and keep looking. I hope my explanation helps you in some way to increase your chances of success in the future. Polite, while closing the door firmly. Bookend with a little snipping of nice to help the guy move on, rather than having him come back around and A) Try and reason/bargain with you B) Vomit profanity at you. Edited August 19, 2014 by DrSimple
Author Gallaxia Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 Yeah that guy sounds emotionally unstable. You have every right to feel what youre feeling. Just tell him that you cant meet him, tell him good luck, then block his number. He did everything wrong See my little spidey-sense went off thinking the same thing, like, is this normal? I asked my brother for a guy's perspective as well and he was hesitant about his actions too. 1. Obviously you gave out your number too early. 2. 11 text messages over the course of 72 hours (it's 7:38pm here right now) doesn't seem like a lot to me. Gave out my number too early- lesson learned. I didn't reply to all of the texts. His 13, to my 7. With the 8th saying what you guys advised me to say. I wouldn't mind politely telling him again where he went wrong (for me), for the next girl but I feel that'd prolong another conversation. And to be honest, had he kept it short & sweet until our first date (like another poster mentioned) and had acted like that after our first date, I might have been ok with it. But having never met ... How can it already be an uphill battle? It's too much. 1
Author Gallaxia Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 B) Vomit profanity at you. Ah yes, those are the fun ones.
Poppyolive Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 I had the sane thing happen to me recently. He text non stop. I even said I'm off to a BBQ chat later. He responded with OK, followed by questions of what am I bringing yo the BBQ, what's me fav drink..etc. I eventually decided this was a red flag. And stopped responding. That was a week ago and he still texts. "Today was a muggy day" or I just had delicious ice cream, you like ice cream" If it feels wrong, its wrong.
Author Gallaxia Posted August 20, 2014 Author Posted August 20, 2014 Yeah well, so far, so good. He hasn't texted again since the " take your time" text but of course I haven't logged back into the site just yet. I fear if I do and he sees, he may reach out again. At which point I'll have to block his number.
aprilisi Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 I have tried being nice in situations like this. I have realized you can't usually. They either get upset or see it as a positive sign. Had a guy tell me once that I would be alone for the rest of my life. That's why if we're just talking I will block them and stop talking. Maybe rude but after being threatened, sent penis shots, and many other things I won't go into here, I find that to be easiest. Actually broke this rule yesterday, he has messaged me 3 times. I told him it was bbecause his user name was kittylicker and I couldn't take him seriously. I won't type his response but let's just say I will never be nice again
Author Gallaxia Posted August 20, 2014 Author Posted August 20, 2014 I have tried being nice in situations like this. I have realized you can't usually. They either get upset or see it as a positive sign. Had a guy tell me once that I would be alone for the rest of my life. That's why if we're just talking I will block them and stop talking. Maybe rude but after being threatened, sent penis shots, and many other things I won't go into here, I find that to be easiest. Actually broke this rule yesterday, he has messaged me 3 times. I told him it was bbecause his user name was kittylicker and I couldn't take him seriously. I won't type his response but let's just say I will never be nice again That sounds horrible. I hope in the future, being nice but firm once (after the "offense") should be enough. After that: BLOCKY-BLOCK.
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