Bakezz Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 So after 2 weeks no contact, and me doing moving on and looking to the future, I have just received a text from my ex saying 'can I please have my Harrington jacket back please?' I've blocked her on everything and deleted her number, so had to work out who it was at first haha but this jacket she wants back I've had since the start of the relationship, which was three years ago! She's never mentioned it since then so why is she texting me for it now? I really don't want to reply, but I feel if it's an actual request for her jacket, then what do I say to her? Thanks in advance
Chi townD Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 So after 2 weeks no contact, and me doing moving on and looking to the future, I have just received a text from my ex saying 'can I please have my Harrington jacket back please?' I've blocked her on everything and deleted her number, so had to work out who it was at first haha but this jacket she wants back I've had since the start of the relationship, which was three years ago! She's never mentioned it since then so why is she texting me for it now? I really don't want to reply, but I feel if it's an actual request for her jacket, then what do I say to her? Thanks in advance Don't respond. Just box it up with anything else that might be hers (no more ties between the two of you) and mail it to her. Or give it to one of her friends. Done deal! No mess! 5
Dash23 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I'm going to guess that she broke up with you. And in that case, you're doing the right thing by maintaining NC but you also wouldn't be posting here if you had completely moved on from her. If she never cared about the jacket before, then it sounds like she is using it as an opportunity to throw you a breadcrumb that way she can get an update about you and keep you "hooked". Meeting her won't do you any good, so if she wants her jacket/belongings back, I would be very brief with her and set up a way she can pick it up without you having to see or talk to her. 2
Mark-e-Mark Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I agree, box it up, give it to a friend, dont take the bait! 1
lauri Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 The longer I am on the site the more I see similar stories constantly popping up. Yours is nothing unique or different. Most people in your shoes, unfortunately, take the bait and end up digging themselves into a deep hole which gives them zero to no chance of getting out of. Assuming it is not a gift (even if it is, doesn't matter), I suggest you box it up and drop it off at her house. Do not make any contact, leave it in front of her front door with her name on it (Attention to XXXX). If you think there is a high probability that you may see her when you do it, get a friend to do it for you (which is the option I would suggest). This tactic she is using is such a lame way to try to get your attention and get you to talk to her. Don't fall for it - I promise you no matter how much hope you may have / idea that she may be turning a corner, she isn't. The only way you may have ANY chance (which is probably a 5% chance) of her ever coming back to you, you need to stay strong and maintain NC. You need to heal fully before you can even consider being with her. Why? 1) You won't be out of control with your emotions if she comes crawling back to you. This 1) give you the power to say no and 2) make a sound / good decision for yourself 2) You'll better yourself 3) You won't regret saying "weak" things or give her the opportunity to say anything that would hurt you Keep up the good work and keep maintaining NC. 2
SoThatHappened Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Exactly what Dash, Mark-e-Mark and lauri said, don't fall for it. My ex did something somewhat similar. She offered to drop off DVD's at my house almost 2 months after the breakup and 7 weeks NC. I didn't want to break NC, but I didn't want her at my house either, so I told her to just throw them away. Don't allow the opportunity to say or do anything you'll regret because you're not indifferent yet. It could end up in a big argument and you may say things you regret saying and then you're back to square one. Mail it or have a friend drop it off. Tell her you're doing so in a matter-of-fact sort of way. Short and to the point. Then back to NC. I have a feeling you'll be hearing from her again when she wants something else insignificant back... yeah right. She's leaving you breadcrumbs. Don't fall for it.
Author Bakezz Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 I haven't replied, and will pass it on to a mutual friend to hand back to her. I probably didn't make myself clear enough in the original post, I'm not trying or hoping that she comes back to me, yes I miss her, but it's been three months and I've realise that since the relationship has ended I'm much clearer and focused on my OWN future, considering the relationship was a very toxic one. The only reason I asked on here, was just to clarify that I wasn't actually being a bad person by not replying and just passing it on to a mutual friend. Thank you for the replies 3
music_and_poetry Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Don't drive to her house. Box it up, mail it, send her the tracking number as a response to her text. Done.
Author Bakezz Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 So after not replying, she has now text my mother asking her!
No Limit Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 So after not replying, she has now text my mother asking her! Either she stole it from a mafia boss who's now come back to get it, or she's a maniac. 2
Chi townD Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 So after not replying, she has now text my mother asking her! LMAO! I guess she REALLY wants that jacket! Can't believed she told on you! Dimed you out to mom! hee...hee....
Author Bakezz Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Just like old times hahaha if I missed her call a few times, she'd call my mum! It sure as hell feels good to not have her on that damn pedestal anymore! 2
me85 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Yes. You should respond to her text and agree to make arrangements to give her her jacket. This would be the exception of NC.
gbadboy Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 She has never to ask for a jacket back - seriously. She should just let it go just like how's she expected you to let go of her. Nonetheless, there is a motive behind her ask.........she wants to see what you're up and to see if you'll reply......She wants to see what info she can gather from you. Clearly your NC has had an impact on her. This in itself should encourage you to KEEP NC going and NOT reply back to her. Having said that, give her back her property via a friend...or send it by post/courier. Think about the impact it will have on her if you dont reply to her and one day she receives her jacket in the mail? That will knock her off her seat.....and make her weaker, while you continue to get stronger on the path to healing. Good luck 2
lauri Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 She has no right to contact your mom. It seems like its driving her insane that you aren't responding. Oh well, her loss
mightycpa Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 She has no right to contact your mom. It seems like its driving her insane that you aren't responding. Oh well, her loss Of course, the other side of that coin is maybe it is just better to send it to her via UPS or FEDEX or whatever, and take care of the request without responding. Do you really want the jacket? Or the continuing contact?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Just send the jacket. No note, no nothing. Just the jacket.
Author Bakezz Posted August 21, 2014 Author Posted August 21, 2014 Just a quick update, I never text back to the first text and left everything alone and forgot about. Unfortunately, I was in her company today as it's was a gathering for my goddaughters birthday, so was unavoidable. I said hello, and that was it, no eye contact, no effort on my part and when I left, 10 minutes later I receive a text saying "I'm just trying to be f***** mutual" Hahaha I didn't respond again, and it just reinforces the fact the old habits do not die, she hasn't changed a bit and she's still a very angry person!
Frankie L Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 I'm going with No Limit's theory lol. Mafioso boss wants it back I think... Bro if that jacket is worth anything, I only live in Walsall haha! Seriously do not reply. Send it to her and then be rid. Mike
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