martyd Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Hi, Went on a first date with a girl I met recently, she is stunning... Like, properly, stunning. She is so pretty it's really insane she even said yes for us to go out dating... She's a model. We had drinks and she said we should also get some food, so we did. Spent 4 hours with her and paid for everything until I had to go to work. The date went well! I'm 25, she's 23. We haven't really spoke since though, like via text or anything. I text her 2 days later to see if she wanted to go to the cinema, which she said yes to, a day later. She says she's been busy, but I hardly speak to her because of her being busy all the time. Which is fine. But I seem to get a slight hint she doesn't want to let me down, or say no to me as she is a really nice woman. So, I was going to say something along the lines of 'You are really pretty, and I genuinely feel like you can do so much better than me, it would be unfair for me to waste your time' or something like that. As I really do feel that way. I'm not insecure or anything, but she is so much more attractive than me. I'm not saying i'm ugly, as I don't think I am. But I really feel she can do better than me! Or should I not say anything? Thank you!
isisisweeping Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I'm normally in favor of transparent honesty but for the love of all that is good in this world DO NOT SAY THAT. Never say that. Never. NEVER. Also, do not make someone's decisions for her. She's not a child. If she's with you, that's her choice. Don't invalidate it. If she's not communicating enough for you, or you don't feel what you need in progressing there, end it - not because of her being beautiful but because she's not behaving appropriately. That's a bad thing from her, not a sign of her great beauty and benevolence. 1
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Yes you are insecure! Don't ever lower yourself in the eyes of a woman like this ! 1. A woman does not pick a man only based on his looks. 2. Do not decide for her what is good enough 3. After the first date you should have let her know that same night or the following day that you enjoyed your time and wished to see her again.You waited 2 days, those 2 days she wondered if she had imagined you 2 had a great time together. 4. Her silence is due to not knowing your position. 5. Go to a movie with her, be yourself. 6. Try to see past her body and pretty face. She is much more than that. 1
Author martyd Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Thankyou for the responses! in regards to Gaeta, Point 3, I did do that, 30 mins after the date, but I didn't get a response. So 2 days later I said do you want to head to the cinema to see a film, then a day later she responded saying she was sorry for not responding, she had been busy, she thanked me for the food and drinks and said yes to the cinema. And point 6, she is! She has an incredible personality... She's a dream woman! Haha!
oberkeat Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 (edited) No way should you say something like that. I don't mean to be insulting, but you come across as insecure and a little needy. You're putting her on a pedestal, which is the quickest way out of a woman's life, in my experience. Women hate that. It's a turnoff. You need to relax and think of her as just one girl. Edited August 18, 2014 by oberkeat Spelling
MissBee Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Hi, Went on a first date with a girl I met recently, she is stunning... Like, properly, stunning. She is so pretty it's really insane she even said yes for us to go out dating... She's a model. We had drinks and she said we should also get some food, so we did. Spent 4 hours with her and paid for everything until I had to go to work. The date went well! I'm 25, she's 23. We haven't really spoke since though, like via text or anything. I text her 2 days later to see if she wanted to go to the cinema, which she said yes to, a day later. She says she's been busy, but I hardly speak to her because of her being busy all the time. Which is fine. But I seem to get a slight hint she doesn't want to let me down, or say no to me as she is a really nice woman. So, I was going to say something along the lines of 'You are really pretty, and I genuinely feel like you can do so much better than me, it would be unfair for me to waste your time' or something like that. As I really do feel that way. I'm not insecure or anything, but she is so much more attractive than me. I'm not saying i'm ugly, as I don't think I am. But I really feel she can do better than me! Or should I not say anything? Thank you! Personally, I don't get when people idolize someone just because they are pretty/handsome. I kept waiting to hear why this woman is so great besides she is pretty and a model and nothing...you mention NO other qualities. You have no control over if you're pretty, lots of people are pretty and I guess for me I don't get all weak-kneed and crazy over someone who is attractive. I appreciate that aspect of them but they are a person like other people and are thus imperfect and have good and bad qualities, annoying habits, they fart, vomit, defecate and do everything else less attractive people do and they will get old and wrinkled or can have an illness or accident that changes their looks...so come on..first step is to appreciate her looks without acting like she is above you because of it. NO don't send her that message. It sounds insecure and passive aggressive. What do you want her to say? If someone sent me that message, even if I liked them I would be sooooooo turned off and I wouldn't know how to respond to it. If she doesn't like you you will see it overtime...then leave it at that. No need to martyr yourself or act like you're doing her a favor by denigrating yourself and saying she can do better...ewwww...don't do it!
Thruster Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 isisiis said it loud and clear NEVER --- not yet if she is a model - -she already knows it it has to be something besides that that is from the heart that takes her off her feet Yea -- tell her that - -dam those shoes look amazing she picked them out - -and tossed 20 other pair aside before she picked them to go on your date Dude -- mention the shoes
CarrieT Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Also, if you DO put yourself down, you are inferring that she is less than what she is by deigning to go out with you. She must like you for some reason and you need to relish that fact.
marcjb Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 OP, you're putting way too much emphasis on her looks. Just because someone is attractive physically, that does not justify if they are "too good for you".
Author martyd Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 I guess I'm coming across as a bit of an as s hole, I'm really not! I just haven't come across this type of woman before, that's all. But everything starts from looks as you don't know them yet, right? Although thank you for the responses. But as much as I hate to admit it, you are all right. I won't say anything.
mightycpa Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Hell no, don't say that. If you think maybe she's not as interested as you are, then ask her about that. Maybe: "Matilda, I'm having a great time with you, but I don't know. I think you're absolutely beautiful and on top of that, I'm beginning to figure out that even if you weren't, I'd really like you anyway. It is probably a little early to have 'the talk', but I wonder if you still want to see me after this. If not, then this is probably the time to say so, before I get too invested in you. We don't have to go too fast, I'm not asking you to marry me or anything, but I guess I'm just want to take the temperature, and see how you think we're doing." Something like that, but don't do it the way you said.
Ronni_W Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 So, I was going to say something along the lines of 'You are really pretty, and I genuinely feel like you can do so much better than me, it would be unfair for me to waste your time' or something like that. But that's ALSO telling her that you think she is too simple-minded to know how best to spend her time and who best to spend her time with...a message along the lines of, "You may be better looking but I'm smarter". If you want to continue seeing her, then you must trust that SHE knows what she wants, knows what she sees in you, knows what she gets out of hanging out with you. Maybe she doesn't put so much stock/value into physical appearances or material circumstances? Maybe you ought to put less stock in her physical appearance and put your efforts into finding out what's going on in her mind and heart? If you're just afraid that things between you will cool down, then just stop contact with her now. If/when that happens - 2 weeks or 10 years from now - it likely won't be because of your looks (she already knows what you look like) but other relationship or life incompatibilities.
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