Mopparon Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Me and my ex broke up over 4 years ago now, but the other day he sent a message out of the blue. Sent shivers down my spine. Never thought I'd hear from him again. Have been in a super happy relationship for the past 3 years , but when me and this ex broke up, this ex was going through a rough time with his father dying and losing his job so I still feel bad for him. Not sure what to do? Feel I need to tell my current bf asap and ignore it, but part of me wants to check my ex is ok. I haven't read the message yet, not sure if I should or not? Has anyone else ever been in this situation? Not sure what to do? But think I will tell my current bf asap either way, as I feel so close to him. He's the sweetest, kindest, most caring guy I've ever met. He's not just my bf, he's my best friend too. But don't know if I should still read my ex's message, and/or reply if need be? Know its been many years, but when you cared for someone and you know they've been through a lot, you worry for them and hope they're ok. Sorry for bad english, struggle a bit.
2.50 a gallon Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Yes, tell your bf. Also, let him watch and read when you read it. You never know what it could be about. Five years after my Ex-fiancé and I broke up, as I was packing to move out of state I found a couple of her things, that I knew would be important to her, such as a trophy for her taking second place in an college archery meet. 2
Author Mopparon Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Thanks for the reply. I've decided that I'm definitely going to tell my bf about the text, not sure how exactly yet, but if I show it to him, might that not hurt his feelings? I don't know what its going to say, and I don't want my bf to get upset by it 1
Always Pondering Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Thanks for the reply. I've decided that I'm definitely going to tell my bf about the text, not sure how exactly yet, but if I show it to him, might that not hurt his feelings? I don't know what its going to say, and I don't want my bf to get upset by it If your bf understands that he's your first priority and he trusts you (which would be reinforced by you telling him about this and allowing him to read it with you), I don't believe he would feel hurt or upset about anything. It's past history and he should be understanding about that. You could then make a decision on how / if to reply together based on the context.
Author Mopparon Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Ok I could tell him via messages now and tell him we can read it together when he's next here and see what he says. Might not see him until Thursday night or the weekend though. I hope he trusts me, and I know how important trust is in relationships, I just don't know what the text will say and so I'm worried it might hurt his feelings. I know if I was reading a text his ex sent him it might hurt my feelings.
rester Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 If I were in the same situation as your OP, I would read it first and then tell him about it, although I do see how you reading it together is a good show of trust for your current boyfriend. That said, if I were your current boyfriend, I don't think I'd be offended or hurt by you reading a message from an ex from four years ago, especially if you came to me afterwards and talked to me about it.
Author Mopparon Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Ok different views to think about. Not sure now, maybe I should tell my bf about it first and see what he thinks? 1
rester Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Ok different views to think about. Not sure now, maybe I should tell my bf about it first and see what he thinks? If you are unsure, that is the safest route to take. Good luck! 1
Author Mopparon Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 I'm just so nervous, but hopefully I will tell him in the right way and not upset him
No Limit Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Don't worry so much. He's your boyfriend; as long as you don't tell him in a way that shows you're absolutely eager and happy your ex wrote you it's going to be fine. Tell him about the rough patch he had, this way he'll get the hint that you're just a bit concerned. And yeah, let him read too. And as soon as anything in it says "Let's meet" or anything that suggests you and him getting back together, throw it away and stop thinking about it anymore. 1
FitChick Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I'd read the message and then delete it and not tell the boyfriend. If you have no intention of getting back with your ex, it would serve no useful purpose by telling him. It would only make him anxious and suspicious and cause problems. Or just delete the message unread. 1
Author Mopparon Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Thanks for the advice FitChick. But sadly too late, as I've told my bf now, he seems very understanding about it, only spoken to him in message form though so can't be sure I guess Not sure whether I'll read the message or not, but might wait until my bf gets here, don't know Really thought my ex had moved on. Why do you think he would message me all of a sudden?
Author Mopparon Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 I'd read the message and then delete it and not tell the boyfriend. If you have no intention of getting back with your ex, it would serve no useful purpose by telling him. It would only make him anxious and suspicious and cause problems. Or just delete the message unread. I really hope it doesn't make him anxious and suspicious I didn't know what to do for the best really, but telling him seemed like the right thing to do and he seemed ok about it
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