truth_seeker Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 No Contact. Very useful approach for taking control of yourself. See this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide for more. I recommend if she does contact him again, he uses it as an opportunity to blast her and slam the door in her face. He doesn't have to resort to name calling, but instead tear her up Example: "Hey Jane, Thanks for contacting me. I got to tell you, I'm just not feeling you. There's no attraction for me when I think of you. The way you act is a complete turn off. It's really juvenile and doesn't make you much of a lady. Please refrain from responding to this as I won't bother to open any more messages from you. Take Care. OP." Then he goes hard nc!
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 (edited) She told me she doesn't see where the rush is. We have been talking for a month while I was on vacation and its been 3 weeks since I have been back. We saw each other once- and that was randomly. When we did see each other she showed great signs that she was interested, was very shy, held my hand, we made out for a long time, told me she wants to take things slow and was interested. Yet she is still giving me mixed messages She says she needs more time to get to know me and that I was too forward with her in wanting to see her ??? lol. I told her im not asking for your hand in marriage just to hangout to get to know each other more. I don't want to rush into anything either but in order for us to go forward you need to put in the effort I don't get what is so hard about meeting up for 1-2 hours for a coffee? It doesn't mean we are SERIOUS!!! What am I suppose to do now?? Do I tell her I am walking away and that it isn't fair to me to wait around- I am not asking for much but if she can't put in the effort than that's it Or Do I give her time to get comfortable because this girl said to me she needs time to get to know me more before jumping into anything serious. Problem with this is. based on my past experiences with my ex's I am having a really hard time believing her and if she is truly genuine. BECAUSE I DONT SEE WHY IS IT THAT HARD TO MEET UP TO HANG OUT I HATE THE POSITION I AM IN. WHY IS IT THIS COMPLICATED!! Edited August 19, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 (edited) Is she testing to see how much I will chase her or what?? Like its unbelievable- I have never been in this situation before I don't get what she expects me to do this girl is boiling my blood It shouldn't be this complicated. She makes herself seem so busy and hard to get. How do I turn the tables on her and flip it back to me? Like does she expect me to wait another 1-2 months for her to be like OK NOW IM READY TO HANG OUT..like its stupid!! I put in the effort to show I am interested and go from there- I have been single past 4 years when my 4.5 year rel ended- I had one relationship in 2013 that lasted 3 months- I turned down 3 relationships in the past year with 3 different girls. I can be alone - that isn't the issue. I put in effort If I am interested and expect the same in return. I have never dealt with these mixed signals before in my life. Edited August 19, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
deathandtaxes Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Is she testing to see how much I will chase her or what?? Like its unbelievable- I have never been in this situation before I don't get what she expects me to do this girl is boiling my blood It shouldn't be this complicated. She makes herself seem so busy and hard to get. How do I turn the tables on her and flip it back to me? Like does she expect me to wait another 1-2 months for her to be like OK NOW IM READY TO HANG OUT..like its stupid!! I put in the effort to show I am interested and go from there- I have been single past 4 years when my 4.5 year rel ended- I had one relationship in 2013 that lasted 3 months- I turned down 3 relationships in the past year with 3 different girls. I can be alone - that isn't the issue. I put in effort If I am interested and expect the same in return. I have never dealt with these mixed signals before in my life. She's not testing you. This is just how she acts towards you. Mainly because you allow it. She likes your attention, and that's about it. She takes pleasure in the fact that you're so strung out about her. She expects you to keep doing the same song and dance because she finds it entertaining. She can dribble a little attention your way and you eat it up and return it tenfold. You don't turn the tables. You make a decision to respect yourself enough not to be somebody's emotional fix and you stop communicating with this lady. 1
mattny Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Are we still going on about this same girl? Seriously?? 3
BlueIris Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Let go of her, internally, in your own head. You now see how this relationship would be, so why would you want it? Maybe she's sensing that you're not getting the hint and now is worried to say something to upset you. Go no contact. If she contacts you, block her.
fred123 Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Is she testing to see how much I will chase her or what?? Like its unbelievable- I have never been in this situation before I don't get what she expects me to do this girl is boiling my blood It shouldn't be this complicated. She makes herself seem so busy and hard to get. How do I turn the tables on her and flip it back to me? Like does she expect me to wait another 1-2 months for her to be like OK NOW IM READY TO HANG OUT..like its stupid!! I put in the effort to show I am interested and go from there- I have been single past 4 years when my 4.5 year rel ended- I had one relationship in 2013 that lasted 3 months- I turned down 3 relationships in the past year with 3 different girls. I can be alone - that isn't the issue. I put in effort If I am interested and expect the same in return. I have never dealt with these mixed signals before in my life. sound similar to the girl i posted about. imagine this. she tells you all this then in two months and starts dating a guy and gets in a rship with him in a week or so. how would it make you feel that she told you she likes to take things slow yet after she is quick with another guy. hhmmm not a nice feeling. i sugggest bail please. you will be hurt man
Woop1337 Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 She's just not that into you. At best, she just "kinda" likes you. Get this, this girl habitually flakes on you. She does all these nice things to you on a chance meetng, and everything is fine. Psh. Too easy. You should be a lawyer, you're quite adept at rationalizing other people's behavior.
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 (edited) I talked to her she said she is not sure how she feels for me and that she is confused right now and doesn't expect me to wait around for her. Said she is really complicated and she is sorry I told her in order for you to know what you feel you need to see me in person She replied with : I know that I said since you know that let's make plans to see each other She said: I can't now (It's been 2 weeks since we have seen each other when we ran into each other randomly where we spent a few hours together, held hands, made out, she was really shy around me and she told me we were on the same page) I told her it's been almost a month since I have been back and I have been very patient with her and that this should show that I am not a player and I care for her. She replied : It has nothing to do with that, its about me and not you. I said: What do you mean? What is the issue? I dont see the problem in hanging out 2-3 hours for a drink getting to know each other better?? She said: When you start working and you see how crazy it is to manage your time especially with two jobs that you won't have a lot of time for friends and family and all that I got really pissed off at this statement because she makes it seem like she works 24 -7 I told her : I am not asking for you to be free an entire day. I am asking for you to take 2-3 hours out of an entire week so we can hang out and chill so we know where we stand. I also said we both know if you want something you will make time for it. And that I have been back for almost a month and that even when she did have free time she gave me wack excuses that she was either tired or she couldn't. Point is.. I said Are you willing to make time so we can hang out? She never replied back (This was Sunday night) It's Wednesday now- going on to the third day of no contact I told her before to just give me a straight up answer as to what she wants- she says she is confused about how she feels (we have seen each other once since I have been back and that was randomly) What does she expect from one outing? I told her we need to see each other in person and not text anymore. She agreed to that but she still won't make plans to see me. what really pisses me off is that she didn't reply to what I said. I don't understand honestly. You say you are confused and you agree that we need to meet up but you still don't want too. We have been talkin almost 2 months now. ** Keep in mind she would make plans with me and than flop to make new plans ** What should I do now? I still feel like she is really hesistant into getting into anything because she doesn't want to get hurt based off the things she told me in the car. I dono what to do at this point. I really like her and want her and feel this connection for her but I dono wat to do. She is really closed off and says she needs a lot of time to open up. Edited August 28, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
Supernatural Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 What should I do now? Delete her number, and never answer her again. You two shared a very small moment of time. Enjoy what it was. But let it go. You need to let go and move on. She will always be too busy for you. And she will always keep making excuses. It doesn't have to do with you. She just lacks integrity and is enjoying the type of attention you are giving her. She doesn't care at all about how you feel or any words you say. She is not sorry like she says. She doesn't know what that word means. This girl is all talk. And ask me how I know. Because like I told you... I had the same girl but for much longer. Not one thing ever changed. Ever. This is who she is and will always be. She has found a way to get ego boosting, attention with no work. If you got in a relationship with her, she would be texting random guys the same way she is messaging you.. "I'm sorry. There's just no time.. Soon though. Patience :)" And she would be pulling every string in your so called 'relationship'. This cycle wouldn't stop. It gets worse. It's not like a video game where you beat one boss and level up.. You level down by staying with her. And that means one day you will realize you have done everything for her, and she hasn't done a single thing for you. Then maybe you will realize you lost your self respect the second you starting giving her yours for no good reason aside from a feeling you had for 3 hours. So you hangout again. 2 hours of more magic... But then this ALL happens again. You're like a heroin addict for her. It's not healthy or real. She's the devil You had 3 hours of magic. You have also endured a psychological mind warp for the past couple weeks when you started this fiasco. For your own health brother, LET HER GO! Know your worth. Respect yourself. Find a girl who would be in the stars to experience your heart and mind. It's only going to get worse if you keep pursuing and thinking about it.
Diezel Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 What should you do? Delete her number, stop talking to her. Are you kidding me? She gave you every lame excuse in the book. She DOESNT LIKE YOU. She just wants your attention through text. She was only cool with you that one night because it was a COINCIDENCE. That's IT. Leave her be. When she sends you messages, IGNORE THEM. All she wants is to text back and forth and for you to continue to beg her to go out and blah and blah and blah... I can't believe you actually think there is a shot at a relationship here? SHE DOESN'T THINK SO. Why can't you? Please, save yourself and your dignity and EXILE her from your life.
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 29, 2014 Author Posted August 29, 2014 (edited) If I wanted to flip things around completely and do something out of character (based off ) what she is use to would doing this work to shift the balance of power in all this? If I told her after thinking these last few days about everything I have decided to not pursue anything with her anymore and that I realized based on her behavior and the fact she said certain things but never kept her word, did not want to put in an effort, made excuses constantly that in the end I just lost my attraction to her and that I don't see it working out. If I said this to her would this make her want me more and would it make her question where all of this came from all of a sudden? I feel like she would be completely shocked that I would say something like that and it would bring her down off her EGO BOOST and ATTENTION that she has been getting to where I basically tell her she ISN'T GOOD enough for me now I have been pursuing her the past month- she has been getting validation from me now for a long time- knowing I wanted her. Playing hard to get- making constant excuses- making new plans and flopping, etc. If I pulled this card out and basically told her..after everything that you just aren't the girl thought u were..would it bring back all the power to me? * I haven't contacted her i'm just wondering what affects it would have if I even did this * Edited August 29, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
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