Call her out on her games and excuses or go cold?

[fred123]

She is working and people are tired after they work. Are you not working? why not?

 

Also, yes, she is texting you. How many other people do you think she probably texts regularly?

 

irrelevant. iv had girls text me 50 times a day. probably texting othet guys too. doesnt mean she likes me

[enternetic]

She is getting what she wants from you, attention and validation, and you give it freely so there is no need for her to put any effort into it. The night at the bar she got caught up in the moment. Young girls are like kittens, they run from one shiny object to the next. You just happed to be the only one of her toys there that night. You should have ignored her and found someone else to play with.

 

 

That's why girls go for jerks, the jerks make them work for even the slightest amount of attention. And that's what women really want is attention and validation. That's why so many of them (the attractive ones) want to be models or movie stars, or end up working at strip clubs. That is why they dress sexy and go to bars. They "get upset" if you look, but boy they get even madder if you don't! Watch them on the dance floor trying to make sure they get as much attention as possible.

 

 

Remember, when it comes to your attention, something that has to be earned is valuable, something given freely is nice but she will only put in the lowest amount of effort possible.

[deathandtaxes]

Wow you let this go on for 4 years? I am almost 3 weeks in and losing my mind. I can't take much more. I am either gona tell her straight up if she doesn't put in any effort I will take it as she doesn't care and walk away. I dono what else to do.

 

 

 

What makes you think it's going to be any different going forward? She showed you her true self the first FOUR times she flaked on you.

[Supernatural]

She is getting what she wants from you, attention and validation, and you give it freely so there is no need for her to put any effort into it. The night at the bar she got caught up in the moment. Young girls are like kittens, they run from one shiny object to the next. You just happed to be the only one of her toys there that night. You should have ignored her and found someone else to play with.

 

 

That's why girls go for jerks, the jerks make them work for even the slightest amount of attention. And that's what women really want is attention and validation. That's why so many of them (the attractive ones) want to be models or movie stars, or end up working at strip clubs. That is why they dress sexy and go to bars. They "get upset" if you look, but boy they get even madder if you don't! Watch them on the dance floor trying to make sure they get as much attention as possible.

 

 

Remember, when it comes to your attention, something that has to be earned is valuable, something given freely is nice but she will only put in the lowest amount of effort possible.

 

That was amazing information.

[Supernatural]

OP,

 

What is the girls name this thread is about?

[UltimaWeapon]

Hey Loveshack,

 

If a girl is playing games and making excuses but continually still makes plans to see you but flops to makes new plans. Should u call her out on it or just go cold on her?

 

Would putting her in her place and calling her out be a good idea?

 

or

 

Would being cold and reserved work?

[DazedandConfused8]

"Flops" to make new plans with other people, or makes other plans for you?

[UltimaWeapon]

"Flops" to make new plans with other people, or makes other plans for you?

 

Example:

 

Monday I ask how her schedule is for the week

 

She tells me she can chill with me Tuesday night

 

Tuesday night comes: I ask her if shes free and if we gona chill

 

She ends up with an excuse and flops- tells me we could hang out during the day wed.

 

Wed comes- again nothing

 

Excuse: shes tired from work and crap like that

[Supernatural]

Example:

 

Monday I ask how her schedule is for the week

 

She tells me she can chill with me Tuesday night

 

Tuesday night comes: I ask her if shes free and if we gona chill

 

She ends up with an excuse and flops- tells me we could hang out during the day wed.

 

Wed comes- again nothing

 

Excuse: shes tired from work and crap like that

 

 

Brutal. I hate women like this. I would just move on without saying sh*t. Whatever you say, she won't even care about it. She has already wrote you off and is indifferent to you.

 

Cursing her out is just sinking to her level, and she will know she got a rise out of you... It's almost like that's what she wants to get gratification that she is wanted.

[DazedandConfused8]

Example:

 

Monday I ask how her schedule is for the week

 

She tells me she can chill with me Tuesday night

 

Tuesday night comes: I ask her if shes free and if we gona chill

 

She ends up with an excuse and flops- tells me we could hang out during the day wed.

 

Wed comes- again nothing

 

Excuse: shes tired from work and crap like that

 

Then call her on it and ask HER to set a time that works. If she doesn't, you know she's not interested.

[Supernatural]

She's using you to know that she is wanted. When people do weird things consistently always ask yourself... "Psychologically, what are they gaining from doing this?" It makes it easier to understand problems. Even if it's not right, it still gives you clarity on what to do and maintain self respect.

 

Everyone has reasons and everyone has a motive.

[UltimaWeapon]

She's using you to know that she is wanted. When people do weird things consistently always ask yourself... "Psychologically, what are they gaining from doing this?" It makes it easier to understand problems. Even if it's not right, it still gives you clarity on what to do and maintain self respect.

 

Everyone has reasons and everyone has a motive.

 

How do you explain the fact that last Saturday when we ran into each other randomly for the first time after talking for over a month and a half ( I was on vacation for the period of a month so I couldn't see her ) that she showed all positive signs she wanted to be with me.

 

She was touchy, held my hand, was shy, couldn't look at me, we stayed together till 4 am. She told me in the car she wants to take things slow and not rush into a serious relationship right away. We made out for a good 15 mins as well and basically I asked her are we on the same page now? She is like yes we are. She wants to continue to get to know me.

 

 

What I don't get is if she showed all those signs of interest- why is it that hard to come see me for 1-2 hours at least for a coffee?

 

So how do you explain her hot and cold behavior where after that amazing night. SHE is still continuing to make plans to flop on me?

 

What is the point of all of that? If she wasn't interested in me- she could have left that night right away with her friend and made an excuse to not be around me but she didn't.

 

No one forced her to stay with me the entire night.

No one forced her to drive her friend home first so we could be alone.

No one forces her to make plans with me - she does it on her own but than flops???

Edited August 18, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[RoosterFrame]

I wouldn't call her out directly. I would ask for a definitive day/time date. Make it fun and something that you'd both enjoy. If she consistently flops, ask yourself if you want to keep dealing with it. If she flakes and asks to reschedule but then does it again, then her interest just isn't there and may very well have nothing to do with you.

 

She may be emotionally unavailable and not have the self-awareness or emotional responsibility to deal with that. It does make things more confusing for you, but she's probably not aware of that. Remember, you have no idea what's going on in her mind/world. It definitely sucks man, I know. Hope things work out for you!

[UltimaWeapon]

I wouldn't call her out directly. I would ask for a definitive day/time date. Make it fun and something that you'd both enjoy. If she consistently flops, ask yourself if you want to keep dealing with it. If she flakes and asks to reschedule but then does it again, then her interest just isn't there and may very well have nothing to do with you.

 

She may be emotionally unavailable and not have the self-awareness or emotional responsibility to deal with that. It does make things more confusing for you, but she's probably not aware of that. Remember, you have no idea what's going on in her mind/world. It definitely sucks man, I know. Hope things work out for you!

 

We started talking before I left on vacation ( 1 month) towards the end of June. while on vacation:

 

We exchanged 6000 messages while I was over there

We talked on the phone 6 + hours

She was very flirty with me- we got along great

She asked for pics of me..sent me pics

Told her mom about me and her girlfriends

Kept telling me she can't wait till I am back to see me

Said she really wants to continue to get to know me

Even offered to pick me up at the airport

 

 

Since I have been back she has completely retreated all attempts to see me-I called her out on it and she said it has nothing to do with her interest it just she is busy. She kept making up excuses with work because she works late. She Reschedules to flop again- I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt because I know she works long hours so I didn't pressure her or anything but I have been more than patient.

 

This behavior has been going on for 3 weeks now. If I didn't run into her randomly last week by chance- I probably still wouldn't have seen her.

 

What doesn't make sense is- WHY go through all that effort if it was just for attention????

 

If it was for attention only- why was she with me all night when we did see each other?

 

Everything went amazing. Yet again after all that she continues to flop on seeing me. She even said I do not want to jump into anything without getting to know you better. I replied with: I understand that but you can't get to know me better through text!!!

 

I am not asking for this girls hand in marriage- it's to get to know each other better. Why is it that hard to make time to see me- especially after how good it was when we were together??

 

Does she not realize her behavior at all?

 

Like I am beyond pissed at the situation I am in because its overly complicated for no reason. IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS COMPLICATED.

 

IF she wasn't interested in me- she wouldn't talk to me this much for a period of almost 2 months- make plans on her own to see me and be with me that night. She could have easily avoided me. and stopped talking to me if that was the case. Why tell her mom about me and all her girlfriends?

 

That is why I am saying should I call her out because her behavior is unacceptable!

Edited August 18, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[Supernatural]

How do you explain the fact that last Saturday when we ran into each other randomly for the first time after talking for over a month and a half ( I was on vacation for the period of a month so I couldn't see her ) that she showed all positive signs she wanted to be with me.

 

She was touchy, held my hand, was shy, couldn't look at me, we stayed together till 4 am. She told me in the car she wants to take things slow and not rush into a serious relationship right away. We made out for a good 15 mins as well and basically I asked her are we on the same page now? She is like yes we are. She wants to continue to get to know me.

 

 

What I don't get is if she showed all those signs of interest- why is it that hard to come see me for 1-2 hours at least for a coffee?

 

So how do you explain her hot and cold behavior where after that amazing night. SHE is still continuing to make plans to flop on me?

 

What is the point of all of that? If she wasn't interested in me- she could have left that night right away with her friend and made an excuse to not be around me but she didn't.

 

No one forced her to stay with me the entire night.

No one forced her to drive her friend home first so we could be alone.

No one forces her to make plans with me - she does it on her own but than flops???

 

 

 

WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!

You JUST posted a thread about this titled "Is she interested or just playing games?"

I gave you huge responses and you never replied. Why start a new thread?

[UltimaWeapon]

WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!

You JUST posted a thread about this titled "Is she interested or just playing games?"

I gave you huge responses and you never replied. Why start a new thread?

 

Yee I read it. It was mostly about how similar your situation was to mine

[hoping2heal]

I wouldn't do either (exactly)

 

I would simply tell her that because she is not reliable and continues to break plans, you are no longer interested in pursuing things any further and wish her well.

[HappyLove]

She's most likely met someone else. Move on.

[Supernatural]

Yee I read it. It was mostly about how similar your situation was to mine

 

Ya.. You never mentioned what her name was...

 

It's really odd. Because our stories are very similar and you said she went away this weekend... So did the chick I have been talking with...

 

It is possible we are talking about the same girl..

[UltimaWeapon]

Ya.. You never mentioned what her name was...

 

It's really odd. Because our stories are very similar and you said she went away this weekend... So did the chick I have been talking with...

 

It is possible we are talking about the same girl..

 

LOL wat? You said her name was danielle. it isn't the same person

Edited August 18, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[Supernatural]

LOL wat? You said her name was danielle. it isn't the same person

 

AhH.. Close... Wouldn't that have been crazy...?

[jay1983]

How do you explain the fact that last Saturday when we ran into each other randomly for the first time after talking for over a month and a half ( I was on vacation for the period of a month so I couldn't see her ) that she showed all positive signs she wanted to be with me.

 

She was touchy, held my hand, was shy, couldn't look at me, we stayed together till 4 am. She told me in the car she wants to take things slow and not rush into a serious relationship right away. We made out for a good 15 mins as well and basically I asked her are we on the same page now? She is like yes we are. She wants to continue to get to know me.

 

 

What I don't get is if she showed all those signs of interest- why is it that hard to come see me for 1-2 hours at least for a coffee?

 

So how do you explain her hot and cold behavior where after that amazing night. SHE is still continuing to make plans to flop on me?

 

What is the point of all of that? If she wasn't interested in me- she could have left that night right away with her friend and made an excuse to not be around me but she didn't.

 

No one forced her to stay with me the entire night.

No one forced her to drive her friend home first so we could be alone.

No one forces her to make plans with me - she does it on her own but than flops???

 

I doesn't matter whether she's using you to feel wanted or just afraid of commitment. Move on.

[deathandtaxes]

A girl doing this does make someone crazy...

 

 

 

Yeah, I see that. And I see how this particular situation can drive OP up the walls with frustration.

 

 

People do crazy things, OP. People can cut and hurt and not give a rat's bottom about other people's feelings. And this looks like this is what she is doing to you. You do have my condolences in this regard.

 

 

My suggestion? go hard NC right now.

[Supernatural]

Yeah, I see that. And I see how this particular situation can drive OP up the walls with frustration.

 

 

People do crazy things, OP. People can cut and hurt and not give a rat's bottom about other people's feelings. And this looks like this is what she is doing to you. You do have my condolences in this regard.

 

 

My suggestion? go hard NC right now.

 

NC?

.

..

.

.

.

.Using space...

[deathandtaxes]

NC?

.

..

.

.

.

.Using space...

 

 

 

No Contact. Very useful approach for taking control of yourself. See this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide for more.