winmac3d Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 So my gf of almost 2 years dumped me the other day. I'm 21 and she's 18. The reasons I understand she did this was mainly because she said she needed to think long term, and although I was the best guy she's ever dated she needed someone who could support a family (I think this is bs, you shouldn't be thinking this at 18). I also tended to be on the sarcastic side and occasionaly I would hurt her because she couldn't separate a joke from truth. ( Mabye because she's an only child?) The real shocker was one week before she dumped me she had wrote me this amazing birthday card that expressed her love for me and how I was the only one for her. I am confused how one week later that changes and she decided to call our relationship off. Not only did she end our relationship, she found a new guy a week later! How does that happen? How can you love someone for that long and bam, forget and move on to someone else. This is what hurts me the most, because there's no way that I could ever do that, so I am troubled how she could do the same. I found about this guy and apparently he's been a friend of her's for a while. I knew see would visit him while we were dating because she told me. I thought nothing of this because most of her friends were male. Yes there's always the fact that she had been cheating but I highly doubt this. No this isn't the first time she has dumped me. The first time she dumped (because she thought I didn't love her) me she also found a new guy to date a week later. Of course this was a guy she had known as a friend before. This guy was a complete computer nerd, and looked like he was captain of the chess club. He looked like he couldn't tell a joke if his life depended on it. This lasted about a month and she came back to me because although this guy was successfull he was extremely boring. The guy she is with now is also a nerd type. I feel as if she choosed these type of guys to feel safe. They are nerdy and responsible and wouldn't say any type of offensive joke, because they are so boring they don't know how to have fun. Can someone help me make sense of this? I would tend to classify these as one week rebounds but why does she need to do this? How could someone throw their feelings away in only one week for someone else? Do all 18 year old girls do this type of thing?
amerikajin Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Most people plan their breakups well in advance of the "We need to talk" conversation. This applies to both men and women, because obviously, it usually takes time for someone to come to the conclusion that they no longer want to date their partner. Maybe they feel like they're just getting bored and want something new or some space and they're trying to decide if they want to continue with things as they are, or if they want a new partner altogether. It sounds like you two are a bit apart in terms of age, maturity and a few other factors. I agree: she shouldn't be thinking long-term at 18, but if she is, let her think what she wants. Just don't get sucked in again. Once was enough.
lostandlonely Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 My ex did something similar to me, we were going out for over 4 years. She dumps me telling me she doesnt love me, a few days later i find out that she has feelings for this friend of hers. They're now going out, i dont know how fast she moved but we've only been apart for a month, so it was pretty fast. It seems like she'd been lining him up, for a good while, but i dont think she cheated on me (hell i told her i had, she didnt come back with the so have i and trust me she was well pissed off when i told her about my indiscretion). Likewise the new bloke is a geek, i mean he seems like a nice enough person, but they have nothing in common what so ever. He's the sort of person who never goes out, where as my ex is the complete oposite. And their tastes are very different, which i find really frustrating as i just dont see it lasting unless he really changes. But the fact is that she's made her decision, i've just got to accept it and move on. The same for you mate, i know how hard it is, particularly when you dont understand what she sees in the new guy. But the fact is she's with him right now, all we can do is try and find someone else ourselves, so when/if she comes back we dont make the mistake of going back and getting hurt all over again.
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