Guy from OKCupid - should I say no to another date?

[thecrucible]

well don't go to the other extreme. I just think when you are together you should be more affectionate. Believe it or not a lot of men actually fall for a girl when the girl has been kind and affectionate towards them.

 

The guy has obviously let his guard down by asking you out and going on dates with you I think its time you lowered your guard too and don't be afraid of telling him you like him.

 

I told him I liked him the last time I saw him in person. I just sent another text - screw that double texting rule. I took a risk and I'll see what he does now. I'm tired of sitting back already lol. It's not like I'm crazy about him but I want to build more meaningful convo than 'how was your day'

 

Well

[curlygirl40]

My biggest advice, is to put the phone down.

 

 

You ask what you can do to show your interest?

 

 

Answer him when he texts you. When he asks you out, enthusiastically say yes. When you go out with him, touch him on the arm, flirt a little, be happy to be out.

 

 

When you part ways, tell him you had a really good time. Text him thank you when you get home. And then WAIT.

 

 

From there on, it's his turn. Don't double text (never!!). Let him do at least 90% of the initiating in the beginning.

 

 

If he's interested and if you're responding to him then he will keep contact with you.

 

 

Texting him first gives you a very temporary 'high' when he responds. But then after that, you're stuck with wondering if he really wanted to 'talk' to you or if he was just being nice in his responses. So the high ends up very low after. Not worth it.

 

 

Google Evan Marc Katz. Lots of good advice, like mirroring a man's actions.

 

 

Yes, it sucks to sit around and wonder if he likes you the way that you like him. But that is the ONLY THING YOU CAN DO. Anything else you do will seem needy, clingy, desperate, etc., etc.

 

 

Live your life and just wait it out. Time tells all tales. Time will always answer the questions you're asking.

 

 

Good luck! And don't text him again.

[thecrucible]

Thanks for all your good advice. We are still talking though not as often. Were meant to meet up today but he found out last minute that he got called away to travel for work and sent me a very apologetic text. I said it'd have been cool if he'd called to cancel but I totally understood, was a shame to miss out on his company. He'd asked about next time to meet up, suggesting early next week. I said I'd get back to him on that (I'll be seeing my friend, going to Italy and seeing my granny in hospital). He hasn't text me since last night.

 

I've dropped a few hints for him to call but he hasn't picked up so I feel I went too far with that. My friend thinks I should suggest a virtual Skype date in lieu of an in-person date (since I'll be at home spending part of day with her) but I'm not sure.

 

I haven't told this guy about my grandmother dying. I didn't want to freak out so I told him I'd tell him more in person.

 

 

Anyway rambling on. What do you guys think?

[mangetout]

Gonna be honest as this happened to me recently.

 

I personally don't think he is that interested. I think he likes you but he is sitting on the fence.

I would back off and let him do all the chasing.

[thecrucible]

Gonna be honest as this happened to me recently.

 

I personally don't think he is that interested. I think he likes you but he is sitting on the fence.

I would back off and let him do all the chasing.

 

Yeah that's what I think too. Cheers. I'm about to go on holiday and be away for weeks anyway so that'll prove it. I'm not sure whether to start replying to other messages on my dating profile (usually I prefer focussing on one guy at a time).

 

I don't mind if he's not interested as long he informs me at some point. He hasn't emotionally wound me up enough since he's so obviously sitting on the fence I.e he hasn't performed behaviours that build intimacy such as phone calls and talking about more personal stuff. I also should have asked him on the first date what he is looking for from the site. If I ask now, will look a bit clingy.

 

Not sure when to cut losses and move onto others. Hmm. I don't want to waste too much time.

[mangetout]

Yeah that's what I think too. Cheers. I'm about to go on holiday and be away for weeks anyway so that'll prove it. I'm not sure whether to start replying to other messages on my dating profile (usually I prefer focussing on one guy at a time).

 

I don't mind if he's not interested as long he informs me at some point. He hasn't emotionally wound me up enough since he's so obviously sitting on the fence I.e he hasn't performed behaviours that build intimacy such as phone calls and talking about more personal stuff. I also should have asked him on the first date what he is looking for from the site. If I ask now, will look a bit clingy.

 

Not sure when to cut losses and move onto others. Hmm. I don't want to waste too much time.

 

OP I think you should move on to others. Its not like you have to commit to this guy already. He maybe still messaging other girls anyway.

 

 

Just doesn't wash with me. If he was interested you would know. A guy who doesn't text much usually means he is keeping his options still open.

 

 

I wouldn't even ask him what he wants. You will definitely sound desparate. Dont waste anymore time on him. He knows how to reach you.

[thousandsuns]

Yeah that's what I think too. Cheers. I'm about to go on holiday and be away for weeks anyway so that'll prove it. I'm not sure whether to start replying to other messages on my dating profile (usually I prefer focussing on one guy at a time).

 

I don't mind if he's not interested as long he informs me at some point. He hasn't emotionally wound me up enough since he's so obviously sitting on the fence I.e he hasn't performed behaviours that build intimacy such as phone calls and talking about more personal stuff. I also should have asked him on the first date what he is looking for from the site. If I ask now, will look a bit clingy.

 

Not sure when to cut losses and move onto others. Hmm. I don't want to waste too much time.

 

You know I've been in your situation plenty of times. I personally think it's not worth chasing or having to stress over someone this much. Millions other guys out there, you will find one who likes you and appreciates you and actually wants to date you.

 

I've been in countless number of dates where things have changes after 1-2 dates (e.g. not as many texts, long delays, short conversations, busy card, etc). When you get any of those signs just move on. Dating is a 2 way street not just 1 way.

[thecrucible]

Thanks you guys. I feel kind of over it now. Think I got a bit overly intense with the guy but not ridiculously so. I'll try not to in future but I don't blame myself because I sensed he wasn't interested from the beginning.

 

Thing I said I'd get back to him re: next week. I definitely can't see him as I'll be visiting my sick grandmother and travelling to Greece. I'm not feeling that enthused about messaging even though I said I would. Should I just let it fade? I don't wanna be rude. What do you think?