Dallers Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 So I have been back in the game for a while and I was chatting to this girl who broke up with her ex a while ago. She was clearly unsure what she wanted but we had a lot of fun chatting until she became really clingy so I backed off. I left it a few days then we started chatting again she was not as clingy at this point. It led to it reaching a date and she kind of invited herself to stay at mine because she was driving and we went out for dinner and drinks. It obviously ended going all the way and we had a great night together. Both agreed it was a lot of fun and even spent till mid afternoon the next day cuddling before she went home. I stupidly started to like this girl a bit and so we carried on chatting and agreed for a second date. So she gets cold feet this morning making out she is too busy and today has been playing games with me and making me crazy. I am now feeling like an idiot for even considering chasing after this girl when we slept on a first date add drink to that as well which didn't help. I am pretty sure I need to just scram now and look for someone new and stop chasing this girl because it isn't going to go anywhere obviously and I am just making myself nuts over her. What has confused me is how clingy she was and now is getting cold feet. I am cool with sleeping on a first date even if it is taboo in real life circumstances. Casual is what we are both looking for at this moment in time. Has anyone had it go all the way on a first date and then it become a relationship?
dogeared Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 So I have been back in the game for a while and I was chatting to this girl who broke up with her ex a while ago. She was clearly unsure what she wanted but we had a lot of fun chatting until she became really clingy so I backed off. I left it a few days then we started chatting again she was not as clingy at this point. It led to it reaching a date and she kind of invited herself to stay at mine because she was driving and we went out for dinner and drinks. It obviously ended going all the way and we had a great night together. Both agreed it was a lot of fun and even spent till mid afternoon the next day cuddling before she went home. I stupidly started to like this girl a bit and so we carried on chatting and agreed for a second date. So she gets cold feet this morning making out she is too busy and today has been playing games with me and making me crazy. I am now feeling like an idiot for even considering chasing after this girl when we slept on a first date add drink to that as well which didn't help. I am pretty sure I need to just scram now and look for someone new and stop chasing this girl because it isn't going to go anywhere obviously and I am just making myself nuts over her. What has confused me is how clingy she was and now is getting cold feet. I am cool with sleeping on a first date even if it is taboo in real life circumstances. Casual is what we are both looking for at this moment in time. Has anyone had it go all the way on a first date and then it become a relationship? The question you ask at the end doesn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of your post. Yes, lots of one night stands end in relationships. How is it that you are "chasing" her? And what makes you think she has cold feet? If you are looking for a relationship and she wants something casual, that is probably her deal. 1
Author Dallers Posted August 17, 2014 Author Posted August 17, 2014 The question you ask at the end doesn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of your post. Yes, lots of one night stands end in relationships. How is it that you are "chasing" her? And what makes you think she has cold feet? If you are looking for a relationship and she wants something casual, that is probably her deal. Just a question. Cold feet because all week we have been chatting as though things are going great then this morning cancels with a lame excuse and has been playing head games all day. Which I have let get to me. I do not think either of us knows what we want to be honest because she says casual and then act like she wants more and so do I. Walking away is probably the best thing because this is not going to go anywhere good....
michellew Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Maybe she really is busy today or you are coming on too strong and scaring her off? What kind of games is she playing? Maybe she's backing off because she slept with you on the first date and thinks you'll judge her. We need more details. As for relationships after 1st date sex....I almost married what was supposed to be a one night stand. We ended up together for over 3 years. I also met someone this year and slept with him on the first date. We probably would be in a relationship now if I didn't see so many red flags in the beginning (totally unrelated to the sex part) which caused me to end it. Timing isn't always everything. I've also been on the other end and waited weeks or months to have sex, yet still didn't work out.
SummerDreams Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Casual is what we are both looking for at this moment in time. Has anyone had it go all the way on a first date and then it become a relationship? These two sentences contradict each other. If you are looking for something casual, why do you care whether she is good enough or not for the fact that she slept with you on the first date? If you are looking for something serious, I agree that her actions show that she is not mature enough (but imo you aren't either). Don't try to explain her stance, she is most likely trying to show she has regretted sleeping with you on the first date so she is in damage control mode. Don't buy it. Grow up, decide what you want and go for it. In my country we say "what you sow you will mow".
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 So I have been back in the game for a while and I was chatting to this girl who broke up with her ex a while ago. She was clearly unsure what she wanted but we had a lot of fun chatting until she became really clingy so I backed off. I left it a few days then we started chatting again she was not as clingy at this point. It led to it reaching a date and she kind of invited herself to stay at mine because she was driving and we went out for dinner and drinks. It obviously ended going all the way and we had a great night together. Both agreed it was a lot of fun and even spent till mid afternoon the next day cuddling before she went home. I stupidly started to like this girl a bit and so we carried on chatting and agreed for a second date. So she gets cold feet this morning making out she is too busy and today has been playing games with me and making me crazy. I am now feeling like an idiot for even considering chasing after this girl when we slept on a first date add drink to that as well which didn't help. I am pretty sure I need to just scram now and look for someone new and stop chasing this girl because it isn't going to go anywhere obviously and I am just making myself nuts over her. What has confused me is how clingy she was and now is getting cold feet. I am cool with sleeping on a first date even if it is taboo in real life circumstances. Casual is what we are both looking for at this moment in time. Has anyone had it go all the way on a first date and then it become a relationship? You were a rebound and she knows it. Now she needs time to consider whether she's "over" her ex and whether she's ready to get with you. Time will tell.
Supernatural Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 In your post, you're heading in two different directions at the same time. On one hand you want casual, yet at the same time you're mentioning long-term. Several people here pointed out the contradiction. I wouldn't be surprised if she was even more confused than us. Thus, making her think too much. Not exactly what she needs right now after getting out of a relationship. She's being hot and cold for a reason. You're there, then not, mushy gushy, then casual, FWB type treatment, then girlfriend type treatment... I did the same thing once and it went on for awhile, then blew up like a grenade in my hand. Make your mind up what exactly YOU want... Don't think about what she might want. Because she doesn't even know. Play to your needs. And play that role. Playing two parts at the same time is a disaster. Even Aron Eckhart in The Dark Knight had a hard time being two-faced.
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