Anyone over 30 and still lack of love and sad? I do

[Derby80]

Hi everyone, thank you for kindly read my post and appreciate for your reply. English is not my first language, pardon me if there's many words sounds funny .

 

I come across this forum and wondering if anybody out there in they're 30ist like myself and still single for being dumped by someone we loved- oh yes- ex boyfriends.

 

My boyfriends left me for seeing no future with me (married with me). I guess its because of my low income job (they dont want to tell me the truth but I can tell and I know now they dating someone else with better job- of course she has better income). I'm not in contact with them, a friend told me and show me they're facebook . I was sad he left me for that but what can I say...part of my life want me this way. If I could I would fight for it, and yet I dont want to embarrass my self of wanting someone that doesnt want me.

 

I used to depend financially on my first boyfriend, He loved me so much until one day he stopped loving me and gone, about money was also one of the problem. So after we broke up then I realized I have to change something, so I went 50-50 with the next one and I thought we're happy But it doesnt work as well (no happy ending).

 

I tried my best, when I say "my best" means my really best. I really care for my significant other so much, love him, respect and loyal, show myself, him and the world that I am a good girlfriend, etc! I did less of that for my first ex- (I used to get angry easily, bitchy over small things, clingy, needy) but I learned my lesson and be better for the next one.. alas it also doesnt work! I convince myself that maybe they're not meant to be with me and I have to let them go (eventhought its hard-oh yeah it was Really hard)- to my first ex- it is still really hard- but I look at the bright sight- I have my health, my job, my family, my friends and I should be thankful to God I'm still alive

 

Since then I try to make myself happy, meeting people, smile, laugh and I try- Yes I Really did try; numerous dating, trying to look cool with guys, make myself pretty, whatever you name it and the more I force myself to be beautiful the more I feel miserable.

 

When I look at the mirror- long enough; I realized I'm not young anymore. I'm not that cheeky bimbo that look cute anymore. My age eaten me up - everyday I'm getting old.

 

It is a lie if I'm thinking man will like me and go after me if I look crappy, boys will be boys and they go for the look as a first impression. I never put so much make up on myself - I am no superstar lol. But I dont leave my face plain when I go out and meet people.

 

But still, I feel terrified when I think about my future. I want to get married and have children. Not with any man of course! I just want to love someone and he loves me back and we happy together, I can't just dreaming and suddenly my prince charming show off to my door and marry me! These need a process; of meeting, see if we like each other, dating, see if we match, relationship, married, have kids, happily ever after!

 

And my life always only ended at "relationship" zone! then come the break up, bye, finished. I'm tired and sometimes got scared to start all over again from scratch again..

 

I know and please dont tell me that "this is life". Is happiness that something that is so hard to ask? (from God). So hard to get? even though you already try anything to achieve it. And you cannot force happiness, it should come to you naturally! and guess what?! if you love someone and they love you back that is happiness head over hills!!

 

This past few weeks I cant control myself, I just want to be alone, I cry alot, I feel depress thinking about my life. Why I cant be happy like everybody else; have husband, kids, just happy!!!

 

I currently dating this guy for 6 months, we dated several times, hang out, dinner, party- no sex yet- only kisses, he bought me gift the last time we met, and when he's away he always text me he misses me. But then I noticed he pulled away after our last date about 3 weeks ago (which I was actually planning on having sex with him that night but he didnt invite me to spend the night, and he doesnt seem happy to see me that night (not like any other time when we meet). And he send me to my taxi to go home right away after our dinner date. I was a bit disappointed you know I was prepare on having "the first night" with him, but anyway I keep my manner

 

Anyway since then he just pulls away bit by bit and telling me now he is busy and always working even on the weekend. I wanted to meet the other day he says the same. This time he didnt suggest another day to meet if the day I purpose he cant make it..

 

Oh well, I dont want to chase him like nuts. I take it he is not interested enough in me and probably already meet hotty young bimbo out there and want to pursue. I let him go...

 

It's hard for me to analyze whats going on with my love relationship, often in the middle of the night I woke up and cry- the tears just flow by itself, I try to stop it and thinking about nice things. All the time now all of sudden at anytime, anywhere I find myself in a deep sadness and just wanna cry. I feel like Im really sensitive now. Does any of you feel the same like I do or just me? I force myself to go out when I have a chance to meet people and have a random talk and laugh at anything but as soon as I'm alone (I live alone that's the problem!) I picture myself with someone I love and happy and then I start crying and thinking thats never happen, my relationship always fail, what is wrong with me?!?? I feel Im lack of love, no luck for love or what...sigh............

 

Note: bimbo I mean young cute pretty girl

[d0nnivain]

I was 39 when I met the man who became my husband. It is possible to find love later in life. Hang in there.

[BC1980]

I understand your feelings, and I promise you aren't alone. I'm 33, and my ex left me last year. I thought I would spend my life with him. One day, I had a family and a future. The next day, I was single and was suddenly very aware that I was not getting any younger. Of course, we're not old in our 30s, but it's difficult to look around and see friends with kids and a family. It can be isolating and make you feel out of place.

 

Don't isolate yourself though. I can promise that making genuine connections and getting out there and doing things is the best thing for you. I think we are wired to want love, but it's okay if you don't. I know your 30s are a weird time to be single. Most people are married and starting families.

[jb82]

I am over 30 and feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me that not only have I not been able to find a husband/have children but also haven't been able to really accomplish things that I wanted to do in my life in general. I look at the people I went to grade school & high school with on social media and I reason that I must be the uncomfortable negative, sad statistic in the midst of all of the happy families. I often wonder what the women who post photos of their families all day would be doing right now if they didn't have a family - would they be like me? I don't know.. I bet they have no idea themselves.

 

Anyway - you are not alone! The same things run through my head daily. I also get emotional about how unhappy I am about the situation. But I tell myself to just keep on going, there isn't much other choice. Keep going, keep learning, keep trying new things.

[ffw]

Love exist in different forms, but if we are talking here about romantic love then I miss that emotional touch sometimes. Being pressured from society also make it worse. I won't put it as sadness, but more as a silence (like standing in the desert alone) inside.

[SYLLPalmer]

Men can sense that fear. Everyone is aware that your clock is ticking. It quite sucks when you are going through it. By your definition my story ended badly. The upside is I made peace with it and I am grateful now. My sex drive is through the roof and I love to sleep in and do a ton of other things one can't do when they are playing house.

 

Less people are getting married, more divorced and the US government is concerned about the declining birth rate. It is a sign of the times and it isn't a bad thing.

 

There is a definite drive to have babies. I used to envision their fingers and toes and cry. Now when I choose to envision little fingers and toes I see them for what they are. Precious little fingers and toes, cute but nothing more. Being single sucks. So I am not single I am dating and having fun. Truly.

 

You may meet someone but you may not. You will enjoy the balance of your youth more if can find a way to make peace with it. If you perceive your life as a tragedy you will project that and others will feel bad for you. Some of those people will be in rotten marriages, some in good, some will be single, some engaged, some on the brinks of divorce.... It isn't one or the other. It is your life. Sorry I cannot perpetuate the fantasy but when I was where you are I would have valued this. I don't want to have a baby anymore I want to be the baby and to baby the man I adore. There is not biological clock on that.

[Itspointless]

There lots of people on this forum above 30, as am I with 35.

 

When I look at the mirror- long enough; I realized I'm not young anymore. I'm not that cheeky bimbo that look cute anymore. My age eaten me up - everyday I'm getting old.

 

It is a lie if I'm thinking man will like me and go after me if I look crappy, boys will be boys and they go for the look as a first impression. I never put so much make up on myself - I am no superstar lol. But I dont leave my face plain when I go out and meet people.

When I fall in love it usually is with the eyes of a woman, sad, wise and warm eyes (I guess the sad eyes should be a warning to me though). Her character has to match with those eyes for me. It is not often I see such eyes with younger woman. My ex was somewhat older than me. The one I briefly liked before her was six years older, that never became a relation though. So perhaps I should try a bimbo the next time

[mightycpa]

I guess its because of my low income job

I'm going to give you my perspective on this. I dated a lot of girls with low income jobs. It wasn't about the money, per se. It was about the girl's ability to achieve success, it was about having intellectually stimulating conversations, it was about all of the habits and ways of doing things that attend to high-paying jobs vs. low-paying jobs. It was about what they might teach my children about success. It was about life, real life, and the kind of life I wanted vs. the kind of life they seemed to be capable of living. The low paying job was a symptom of several other things about them that eventually made them unattractive.

 

I didn't really care about the money... but I did care about WHY there wasn't a lot more money coming in.

 

You'll have to tell us if that sounds like you.

[JDPT]

I'm just a little over thirty but the last thing on my mind is "love" or finding that special one. I'm all about working on myself and finding inner happiness and love.

[Derby80]

I am over 30 and feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me that not only have I not been able to find a husband/have children but also haven't been able to really accomplish things that I wanted to do in my life in general. I look at the people I went to grade school & high school with on social media and I reason that I must be the uncomfortable negative, sad statistic in the midst of all of the happy families. I often wonder what the women who post photos of their families all day would be doing right now if they didn't have a family - would they be like me? I don't know.. I bet they have no idea themselves.

 

Anyway - you are not alone! The same things run through my head daily. I also get emotional about how unhappy I am about the situation. But I tell myself to just keep on going, there isn't much other choice. Keep going, keep learning, keep trying new things.

 

Thank you for sharing your thought. I do feel what you feel also and sometimes it killing me inside.. yes, seeing those friends happily married and have lovely children while all you can do is wondering if you will find Mr. Right someday. I don't see myself as fat or ugly or bad person and everybody I met say "you are a nice girl and beautiful" to me and yet here I am still alone! <---this feeling is somewhat killing me!

[Derby80]

I understand your feelings, and I promise you aren't alone. I'm 33, and my ex left me last year. I thought I would spend my life with him. One day, I had a family and a future. The next day, I was single and was suddenly very aware that I was not getting any younger. Of course, we're not old in our 30s, but it's difficult to look around and see friends with kids and a family. It can be isolating and make you feel out of place.

 

Don't isolate yourself though. I can promise that making genuine connections and getting out there and doing things is the best thing for you. I think we are wired to want love, but it's okay if you don't. I know your 30s are a weird time to be single. Most people are married and starting families.

 

Thank you for this, BC you are very comforting. I'm glad Im not alone and there are people in this forum who are willing to share their true story. Indeed it is weird in our 30-ist and still alone. Everyday we wonder if we will meet that special one. It is hurt when we look back at the past, when he- the special one left us for whatever reason he might have.. wishing now and the future we will have bright life ahead regardless the kill feeling of getting old

[Derby80]

I'm going to give you my perspective on this. I dated a lot of girls with low income jobs. It wasn't about the money, per se. It was about the girl's ability to achieve success, it was about having intellectually stimulating conversations, it was about all of the habits and ways of doing things that attend to high-paying jobs vs. low-paying jobs. It was about what they might teach my children about success. It was about life, real life, and the kind of life I wanted vs. the kind of life they seemed to be capable of living. The low paying job was a symptom of several other things about them that eventually made them unattractive.

 

I didn't really care about the money... but I did care about WHY there wasn't a lot more money coming in.

 

You'll have to tell us if that sounds like you.

 

Thank you for your opinion, and yes I know not all guys look for girls with high income. In fact many of them don't care about the girls income as they will taking care of her if she has none . Maybe thats just my ex-es!

[Hoosfoos]

Kicked to the curb at 43. I will never love again.

[todreaminblue]

theres worse things than being single like death for instance......when i had a scare last week and i was in an ambulance with a stranger......i didnt think about being single at all...i had major anxiety though.....all i thought about was my family that if i were to go they would be stuffed....they wouldnt cope .......and i prayed to god for that reason.....i didnt want to die .....not now not for a long time.....now god put me here for a reason the first is to bring my family up to be good people for them to help others.........i havent finished yet raising them, i have not succeeded yet.....

 

whatever i do however long i am here......its not up to me..... ill do my best to stay here as long as i can ...if it means to love someone other than my family ...ill love them too....my life however doesn't revolve around having a lover......

 

i am grateful to have a chance to raise my daughters and guide my sons....hopefully they will choose the right way too......i used to put my life last on the list.......always.....less important......maybe that is why i got taken advantage of in relationships...my time is now its all i have, all anyone has is time, if i get to share it with someone else then i do if i dont...i am going to make sure i live in the now not in the wish i had........life is too fleeting to worry about what i dont have...wastes time that i have to appreciate what i do have......check out the grateful thread....seriously.....try it...every day for a week then extend it into another week and keep thinking of things you are grateful for....because one day...your time is up....make your life worth it........deb

[goldengirl11]

Hi to everyone on this thread

 

Just to say that can relate to your post/s very much, which found quite comforting. Although sad at the same time! I'm now 36 and would like a family still.

 

All the best