Taken men that have a ton of pretty female friends

[Eternal Sunshine]

I work with a guy that is young and happily married with kids (he is in his late 20s). By all aspects he seems to adore his wife. Constant FB declerations of love and he always talks about her.

 

However....he seems to gravitate towards good looking females and has these close friendships with many of them. When his wife is away, he often does lunches, dinners, shopping trips 1-1 with any of his pretty female friends. Coincidentally, his friends are never male and are always attractive.

 

I don't feel that he is cheating but wtf...seems exccesesive to me. I am thinking his wife is just easy going and trusts him...However, I knew another guy like that who ended up cheating and leaving his wife for one of the female friends.

 

Perhaps this is all fine and above board...but it seems like a slippery slope to infidelity. I can't tell if I am thinking this way because of my own trust issues.

[ThaWholigan]

It could be, depending on the kind of man he is. I think we often project our own perception of life onto other people's situations so it could be that, but its certainly a legit query!

 

I've known a few guys who have mostly female friends - pretty ones aswell, usually because they had more in common with them on some level than they did with guys. Some guys are like that, and for some girls it rings alarm bells, understandably. I just think it depends on the guy, and what his wife/SO is like.

 

I don't think I'd have a problem with fidelity should I have a plethora of attractive female friends, but I probably wouldn't take chances like spending large amounts of time with them 1-on-1 though.

[cassie803]

I would say that if you're not close friends with either him or his wife, you shouldn't put unnecessary energy into their relationship. Whatever they are doing seems to be working for them (he doesn't seem like he's trying to keep secret the fact that he's going places with other women) so it doesn't seem worthwhile for you to fiddle around in their affairs.

I'm not saying this to be disrespectful, just that it doesn't really concern you, so why would you want to put energy into something you won't get any reward from?

[mammasita]

I don't trust the open declarations of love on Facebook. IME, the men I've seen do it are snakes because I have first hand proof they're doing dirt, or at least attempting to, behind the scenes.

 

The 1-1 co-ed friendships don't fly with me either. Absolutely not a fan and would never be with a man who felt it necessary to have a harem of platonic female friends that he spent one on one time with.

 

Im with you ES, perception is everything.

[d0nnivain]

Most of my friends are attractive & sometimes my husband spends time with them. I have male buddies that I interact with & sometimes do things with when DH is not around.

 

In fact last night were were talking about my upcoming HS reunion. Odds are DH will have to be away & I lamented that I didn't want to go alone. DH started naming men I should take as my "date."

 

Too many opposite sex friends & spending time with them to the exclusion of a spouse, is something that must be looked at but it's not automatically a sign of cheating.

[carhill]

OP, while the affairs of others are indeed their personal affairs, I think observations like this are a wonderful opportunity to clarify and solidify your own personal boundaries regarding relationships so that way, if you happen to marry a man who has a wide range of friends, including pretty female friends, you and he will have a clear understanding of where your boundaries are.

 

As to the co-worker, their marriage, *their* boundaries. What we think is irrelevant, in general, to them. It's not our M. Of course we can have our own opinions. From your post, I don't see enough information to form an opinion, though it appears you apparently have substantial contact with him, enough to assert he has no male friends he socializes with. If so, one could count yourself amongst the pretty female friends he has, yes? See how that works? We have no way of ever knowing what is in the mind of another but know completely what is in our own mind.