6 months and BOOM

[nickjd]

I posted my story here months ago about my long term, long distance first true love. We had been best friends for almost 8 years, and lovers for 5. I moved to the other side of the world for her (Australia). We were everything together. Even her grandparents had started planning on our children. Things went downhill after a bad spell of depression from homesickness, job loss and other things. I became isolated and distant. My SO claimed to try and help me, but eventually started talking about a guy who wouldn't stop hitting on her at her gym. I'm sure you know what came next...

 

After a long drawn out breakup living back with my family in the UK and me trying to trust her again, I soon gathered the relationship was toast. About 3 months in, she cried to me saying she wanted her old life back but she didn't want to hurt her 'rebound'. I have cried at the loss of my dream girl, my dog, home, her family, the country... etc.

 

After many hours of skype, email, phone calls with her and family. It's done... I really can't believe it. Her new lover is now tagging her and putting up pictures of their new relationship. I am devastated. I finally clicked the block button after 6 months and I feel a lot better, but coming to terms with what has happened is beyond my capacity. I am in shock. I am glad she is happy now. I don't know who to turn to as people generally don't want to know. I have to now find a new girl, a house, a good paying job. I am lost. Nearly everything reminds me of me and her, and how it all just went as quick as it came.

 

I need someone who can understand. It is unfair, but life.

[IDer89]

Hi Nickjd,

 

I'm going through a very similar situation to yourself. I don't believe I can offer you much in terms of ways to cope or strategies to help pick yourself up by I do understand your situation.

 

I was with my ex for three years, 1 year in the UK together, 2 years in the US. I had to move back about five weeks ago due to the visa and she told me she couldn't do long distance.

 

Not only have I lost my love but I also lost a great job I loved, a city that I wanted to live in for years, her family which became my extended family, her house which I was at a lot and even her dog that adored me.

 

Although she lost me in her life, she still has all of the other things that I left behind and feel that it's easier for her to cope.

 

Its a terrible situation and like I said I can't offer you much, but I do understand.

[Zeurich]

can understand what your story is. I don't understand how come woman can be this much selfish I mean there is a man who move over to her and she say that there is guy who is not stop hitting her? And why the hell she letting anyone to hit. This sort woman shame for total name of woman honestly. But it is better if you don't jump in to a relationship yet. Take your time, enjoy your self. I know it is easy to say but you need to start from the bottom, I hope you live UK try in EU as an example or in your own country.But first give the attention to your job and house. The rest will come when you ready. Sorry this is not what want in a LDR

[Arient]

Hi Nick, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're having to go through right now. And I really understand your pain. I think here in loveshack, many more understand your pain as it's the reason why we're here. I was also in a LDR with a man I think I will spend the rest of my life with and grow old together. I even flied 16 hours (3 flights in total to reach his place) to finalize our BU and went back heartbroken. Now, after 6 months, thinking back of that time still brings tears to my eyes and make my throat feel tight. Thus, I think I can really understand your pain. If I'm living near you, I'm sure I will ask for permission to just go see you and give you a hug

 

I'm not sure about your relationship before, but the post BU time is quite similar to mine. I struggled with the hope of fixing things for 3 months, another 3 months with the hope of getting back together, but 2 months ago, I finally hit the reality, I had to accept that it really is over. The pain at that time is unbearable. I spent days just walking around in the house, crying here and there uncontrollably, and only managed to sleep when my body was so tired that it stops itself from being awake. I felt like I lost so many things, a great lover, a future together, his family, etc...

 

Acceptance phase is a really scary one, but it's the beginning to your real healing and moving on. Right now, I know that you are in the "I can't believe it" state, I went throught that too as it's understandable that you can't understand how things can just end so simply and easily. I used to think "it's so not true, how can it happen?" but everything can happen, , it's so unfair, but it's life, as you said. A big hug for you, things will be tough and the pain will be huge, but luckily, they will all pass

[start2014]

Yes. In such a heart breaking situation, when it seems that you lost everything...well you didnt. You didnt lost yourself. She will probably break up with this gym guy, and believe me she will miss you. But that doesn't matter. It's over.Forever. Accept it.No retry, no wondering IF I COULD or I SHOULD, no MAYBE. Its over. But it is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Ofcourse not everything will be perfect immediately, maybe it never will be, but that is life.Hardly anyone has perfect life, but we are all trying. And that is what you should do right now. Do the things YOU LIKE, go to places YOU LIKE, become a better person, better brother, better son, better friend, better to yourself,...and this is preparation or some kind of entrance to a better life in future. One day there will be some girl, that will fall in love in this BETTER YOU...and will be happy that she found someone like you. So, i know you are going through terrible phase of your life, but until you are alive, you must be a fighter. And i am sure you are! Just block her everywhere, delete everything that reminds you on her, and stick to NC! Every day you will be glad you are holding to NC. There will be times that will be hard to stick to NC, but eventually missing will go away, and your mind will be fulled with some better girl who doesnt make this kind of sh.it! Hold on and be strong!