Topgunbk Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 My GF and I just recently went on a break. We have been together for almost 3 years. Recently we have started fighting a lot more and she started lying about going out when she would say she was just at home etc. She said the fighting and stress of my dad getting cancer recently has been a lot to her and she has not been happy with all of it. (kind of hurts that the cancer thing is too much for her when I could use her right now during all of it) We talked at lengths last week about it, she promises there is no one else and that she sees our future together. We set ground rules during this break, no getting numbers, going out with other people or sleeping with other people. She said this break is not about that. The break is 3 weeks long. No contact. We will be meeting up for dinner to talk about everything then. Do you think this was a healthy approach to this break and what is your opinion over all? Thanks to everyone that responds.
Author Topgunbk Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Bump...Anyone have input? Feeling down at the moment.
Bigmess2 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 How old are the 2 of you? I think with the amount of time you've been together a break is healthy. I wish that that's what me and my ex had tried instead of stopping it altogether. Has she ever given you a reason not to trust her? It's not right of her to lie about going out or to be unsupportive during the difficult time you're having concerning your father. If anything, she should communicate with you rather than pull away. It's always best to communicate. I wish you the best. Be strong during your break with her. Who knows, maybe it will end sooner than 3 weeks and you'll both realize time a part brings you closer together. Good luck. Stay strong.
54JA Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I know it's tough when you don't get the support from your SO when you need it the most. Not to give her excuses, but may be your gf doesn't have any experience with how to give support for someone in such a serious situation (doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to react etc). It's possible that she confused your sadness/shock/stress with something else, like your feelings for her changed. Either way, you can use this 3 weeks to really be there for your dad and around your family with whom you can share your worries/sadness/shock about your dad. At the same time, you can take the time to think about whether you really want to be with someone who can't be supportive in your times of need. 1
Always Pondering Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I hope you understand breaks usually end up in break-ups (they're essentially the same thing anyways) in the long run. That is from personal experience and reading the stories here on Loveshack. You could wait it out with the provided space and no contact for 3 weeks and see what happens but if I were in your position, I would just leave now. If she really loved you and saw a future with you two in it, she wouldn't call for a 'break'. She lies to you, the relationship has been rocky lately and you two are currently in a break. It's a recipe for disaster waiting to unfold from what I've seen.
Author Topgunbk Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 We are both 25. Yeah I understand they usually end in break ups but I am hoping it really doesn't. 3 weeks seems like a long time for a NC break. I just don't know what to do. We were talking about moving in together in 2015 after things have settled down.
sly_fly1 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 well your relationship probably got to the point where you wanted to do something every day, and she just wanted time to relax. you probably dont hang out with your friends as much as you used to , and maybe you kiss her and hug her too much, always want to hold her, nows the time to re avaluate your relationship before the break turns into a break up,hang out with friends, do stuff, go to the gym , do something, change or get a hobby. give her space, and the more busy you become., the more time she will want you to make for her. trust me. i dont know you or your life, but often the 3 year mark is where the women step back and look at there life, they all do it. its time for u to step back as well
Author Topgunbk Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Thx sly_fly1. Yeah I am back to playing basketball 4 days a week like I used to. Trying to stay busy just bummed out a lot over this. Feels like it will become permanent You think that the break will actually help her miss me and not just push her further away?
Author Topgunbk Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 Since it is a break would it be okay to break NC? It has been 7 days since we last spoke. Or should I just wait? I am really really torn right now.
lovelylilly Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 I am a big fan of no contact, so I may be biased, but I don't think you should break NC. Keep yourself busy and do what makes you happy. I know it sounds cliche, but it works for me. My previous ex asked for a break, and I demanded that we talk it out and we haven't talked since. I really believe if we went on a break like he asked we'd still at least be friends. She asked for the break, let her come to you. I know what it's like to be in a relationship where you fight all the time. Cooling off is the best thing.
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 First and foremost, sorry about your father. I hope you still get a lot of time with him. Recently we have started fighting a lot more and she started lying about going out when she would say she was just at home etc. This is not a great sign. Did you disapprove when she just wanted to go out without you? Something's wrong here that you should be prepared to discuss. She said the fighting (about lying, I guess) recently has been a lot to her and she has not been happy with all of it. I can't imagine anybody is happy with getting caught lying. Then she fights you about it? Red flag planted here. She said the and stress of my dad getting cancer has been a lot to her and she has not been happy with all of it. You may not like this, but she is telling you something about herself that is not very flattering. The going got tough for you, and it is too much for her to deal with AND hang in there. Since it is a break would it be okay to break NC? I'm willing to bet you haven't given the issues much thought such that you can discuss them at length. You seem to be more worried about the separation. I'd say no. Keep your word, it will be better for you. You have enough on your plate. I think she would appreciate your conversation better if you were willing to discuss your problems forthrightly and thoroughly. That said, I don't give you a snowball's chance in hell of keeping her. Sorry. Luckily, my opinion means nothing to your actual outcome. Just be prepared.
Author Topgunbk Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 I hope you are wrong about not having a chance Mightycpa. We really do love each other and both see a future. That I know for a fact. Yes we have some things to work on and I need to sit down and really consider everything but deep down she is the one for me. The one I want to be with. Still have another 17 days until we see each other. Just freaks me out that it will only make us grow apart...
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Not really, only if somebody wants to grow apart. 3 weeks isn't that long if you're secure. Right now, you're not.
freetolove Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 She might just need a break from you. Actually after 3 weeks she might appreciate you more. I m not trying to get your hopes up but sometimes people do need a little space to learn how to appreciate the other person. Keep yourself busy and learn how to stand on your own again, also would you want to be with someone who left you during such a horrible time. Can you trust her?
Author Topgunbk Posted August 20, 2014 Author Posted August 20, 2014 You're right mighty. I'm not secure in this situation at all. Just really torn. Freetolove you raise a good question. I really need to think about it. Really appreciate this open dialog. I need this right now and I really appreciate it everyone's input. Thank you
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