pizzanova Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 There's this Muslim guy I REALLY like (in another thread I asked if it were worth pursuing). I'm white. He doesnt know I like him, and I've confided in many of our mutual friends that I do. It is such a sensitive issue that they decided it would be better if I worked on a solution, rather than them intervening. I'm really close to my crush, and before I started liking him we had a brother/sister kind of relationship. In fact we still do but now that my feelings have changed, I want to be in a relationship with him. I also think of him sexually now. I've slept in the same bed with him on a few occasions (when I didn't have a crush on him) and we've never done anything remotely sexual. There was this one time (when I'd started liking him) that I'd been half-heartedly flirting with him, and he started to make a move on me when we were alone (but then my friends came along...and anyways I felt really nervous). I like him SO much now that I can't stand keeping this from him. Would it be a good idea to tell him how I feel? I don't want him to feel awkward around me, or think of "us" as a gross concept, or get scared off. I know he thinks of me as an annoying little sister that he can't help but adore, and I wonder if he could be interested in me as a girlfriend (since he seemed to be making a subtle sexual move on me when I seemed more open to it than usual).
Author pizzanova Posted February 28, 2005 Author Posted February 28, 2005 Also, if you suggest that I tell him that I like him, how do I go about doing this?
Author pizzanova Posted March 23, 2005 Author Posted March 23, 2005 hey how come no one ever responded to this thread
agnf666 Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 I would give it a try. Why not... I know that you don't want to lose the friendship but there may be a possiblity that he may have the same feeling for you. Start to hang out with him more. Try to get closerI would just ask him out sometime. Go to dinner and a movie and see what happens. .The only thing is take it slow.
d'Arthez Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 No, I have to disagree with agnf666. I don't see how white people can't be Muslims, but I take it you follow one form of Christianity or are an atheist Pizzanova. You can't take things very casual. Cultural differences count for a lot. And with somewhat traditional parents, that is something that you need to consider very carefully. If they don't approve of mixed religion relationships they would probably insist you would convert to Islam. And still you could be looked at with suspicious eyes. Conversion to Islam, or any other religion is not something you can fake. Depending on the exact interpretation of the Islam he believes in, it might require of you to become a very traditional house wive, once you would have married him, for instance, not to mention views on sex, how to behave in public et cetera. If you want to have a relationship with him, be very open with him before you embark on it. Get information on the exact nature of what might be expected of you, down the line; and decide if you are willing to take all that on, just to be with him. Most often it is not worth it. But you are the one to decide that.
agnf666 Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 She said that he was muslim but what does that have to do with dating him... That's what I want to now. I just gave her advice to date him why not. The thing is she is going to have to get alittle accustom to his culture like d'Arthez kindof said before you jump in for the kill.
d'Arthez Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by agnf666 She said that he was muslim but what does that have to do with dating him... That's what I want to now. I just gave her advice to date him why not. The thing is she is going to have to get alittle accustom to his culture like d'Arthez kindof said before you jump in for the kill. A lot. Religious differences often translate in major differences in world views, views on morality, et cetera. If his parents are somewhat traditional, which her other post suggest, she could be in for a lot of surprises. Even if they were highly conservative Catholics, who expected their son to only accept the hand of a virgin, they would be there. Add in the differences between her religious belief systems and his religious belief system things woul be very hard. Better know beforehand what you are getting yourself into. Once you grow more attached, it becomes much harder to break things off. If this guy has a very conservative belief, she must know what life would look like if she were to marry him. If she can live with all the possible issues that arise, she could date him without regret. Things would be much more complicated, if she fell in love with him, but also found out that she could not bear to live in the way that would be required of her, if she married him. That would cause much more hurt. Never assume casualness in a relationship or matters of love / possible love. It saves a lot of heartaches.
Author pizzanova Posted April 5, 2005 Author Posted April 5, 2005 Update: I never ended up telling him I liked him (though I probably made it pretty obvious). I'm definitely getting over him now, and it hasnt affected the friendship. I'm so glad, because I found out that he just wouldnt date a white girl...doesnt fit into who he is or what his family wants from him. I'm surprised that I dealt with this so well...no sense in getting involved in something that will only end badly. I weighed the pros and cons and it was for the best! For a while I couldnt stop thinking about him, but it faded with the realization that I'd never be happy in a lifestyle so different from my own (that is, if we ever got serious enough and marriage came into the picture).
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