isisisweeping Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 What bothers you most if a person of your desire outright rejects you, puts you on a string, or no longer wants to see you? For me, it's compliments. I know I'm awesome. And where there is doubts, I'm certainly not going to believe a person when the subtext is "...but not good enough for me." It's not the time to tell me I'm beautiful, and smart, and funny, and kind, and everything you wanted. It makes me feel worse, and tells me that you have very poor idea of what you REALLY want. I prefer honesty, but even if you can't do that, you don't need to pad my ego. I'm a big girl. They let me use the sharp scissors, and everything. What about you? What rejections do you think people just need to lose from their arsenal? 1
melandrien Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I think you may be misinterpreting the compliments. I had a girl once - beautiful, smart, funny. At first it looked interesting, but that little 'something' faded away after a while. I don't even know why, could have been something she said or did, I really have no idea. Me rejecting her didn't change any of her qualities. She still was beautiful, smart and funny. Even I still considered her all that! Just not dating material. I didn't do it, but complimenting her on her qualities would have been perfectly reasonable from my point of view, when we had our break-up talk. It's a way of saying it's not about her, but about myself. And there was nothing she could have done to change that. tl;dr There's no 'good' way to reject someone. Always feels like a kick in the nuts. It's the message that hurts, not the words you use to tell it. 2
Author isisisweeping Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 tl;dr There's no 'good' way to reject someone. Always feels like a kick in the nuts. It's the message that hurts, not the words you use to tell it. I've gotten the exact same thing every time, from short relationships to long ones (though the long ones add "I love you, but..") and I think it's ANNOYING. I swear, if I hear it one more time, I'm going to just kick the guy in the nuts, and then he'll have the convenient rejection of, "Yeah, so I'm dumping you because you're crazy and kicked me in the nuts." I'm a helpful person. I don't mind rejection (I mean, I do of course, but not that much. It's part of life.) It is better than just disappearing; I'll hand that. What ways bother you, if any?
melandrien Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 "I love you, but.." Ok, this is really stupid. You don't break up with someone you love, do you. Unless you're mentally unstable. Just forget that idiot No junk kicking please, and keep your distance until you let go of your sharp big-girl scissors, we don't want to risk an accident now, do we I would have to say that disappearing is the most annoying way of rejection ever - because you don't even know you were rejected. Whatever the girl tells me is better, I survive my 30 seconds of butt-hurt feelings and next her. Not telling means I get to enjoy the uncertainty for so much longer.
Supernatural Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I think the disappearing act or rejecting someone with silence is the worst. Because they never actually end it and give someone closure. It's extremely selfish. 1
guest569 Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Oh no way, I would kill to hear some compliments when I am being dumped or rejected!! It's the best time for them to mention that I am beautiful, smart etc. because I will doubt myself like crazy and my self confidence will vanish so it does help soften the blow.
guest569 Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I think the disappearing act or rejecting someone with silence is the worst. Because they never actually end it and give someone closure. It's extremely selfish. I agree!! I have just been through this, where initially he showed interest but kept making excuses, then stopped responding to me despite the fact I made an effort on a few occasions to make contact. It hurt so much more than a simple "sorry, I don't feel attracted to you" which eventually came. Ignoring means you aren't even worthy of an explanation and you sat there wondering and waiting for someone and have your hopes up. Anyway, the thing that bothers me the most about certain rejections has been LYING. "Yes it would be great to catch up again.. oh I'm so busy.. umm *disappear*" I can handle a rejection, just do it.
curlygirl40 Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I'm with you. I can't tell you how many men have told me they loved me as they were walking out the door. Then to go on about how 'perfect' I am and how beautiful I am, I'm the perfect woman, etc., etc. Oh bite me. It feels so patronizing. The last guy told me he fell in love with me and it scared him and that's when he decided he couldn't be in a relationship. (I was his first relationship after his divorce, I'm a slow learner). It just feels fake to me like they are trying to build me up as they're tearing me down. I know these things about myself but I also know I'm not for everyone so it's o.k if you just say 'sorry I'm not that into you' or whatever. Feels more genuine to either just be honest or to say very little. Let me move on and heal. 3
me85 Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Oh ya, I've gotten "you're the whole package" then a month later...SEE YA!
fred123 Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 for me i love being rejected or friendzoned from the beginning. the worst is being strung along and then acting like they never liked you. dissapearing silence is hard especially when they told you they like you. do you continue to chase or what? at least let me know so i can move on and not wqste time if ur not interested
Kid_Charlemange Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 What bothers you most if a person of your desire outright rejects you, puts you on a string, or no longer wants to see you? All of the above. Let's face it, none of them are any fun. I've had all three. Multiple times. The outright rejection is the least painful, since there isn't any real investment. I'm used to those. I had an ex a year ago, a woman I was deeply in love with, who strung me along for five months until something better came along. And like a fool, I went along with it. My first wife left me after 20 years for another man. I recently started a relationship with a woman who ended it, abruptly, because even though we were damn near 100% compatible, she knew that wasn't enough to get past my looks. None of them felt good. Which is why I'm giving up on this whole relationship thing. It's just not worth it.
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