Ex posting a lot of pictures since break up

[HD93]

Hi there.

 

I've read a few threads on this forum, and the advice given over here makes a lot of sense so I thought I'd join and share my story and wonder what everyone thinks. I'll try to keep it short.

 

So, I'm 21 and I'm a Medical Student. I've had confidence issues for years, and I'm a very insecure person. Low self-esteem etc. As a result, I'm a very shy person but I'm still a popular guy which is surprising.

 

On my course, I met this girl. We were paired up for placements for 5 months from September to January. I liked her, and I knew she liked me but I wasn't ready for anything so I just didn't make any moves.

 

In January, she asked me out. I said no because I wasn't ready for a relationship. I've never had a relationship before, and I knew that was because of my self-esteem issues.

 

Instead of trying to sort the issues out, I panicked a week or so later and realised that I couldn't waste this opportunity with such an amazing person, so I jumped into it on 4th of February.

 

For a first relationship, I thought it went very well. It looked as if we were both really happy, we looked like such a cute couple, we never argued, her family adored me.

 

I unfortunately said I loved her 2 weeks into the relationship because I was rather insecure about her leaving me because she thought I didn't find her attractive. She was shocked at this, but understood. She didn't return it at the time.

 

A few weeks later, and while we were in bed she said that she loved me. That moment, was the happiest moment of my life.

 

We always spoke about the future, and she said that she can see this going all the way - something that didn't scare me because I loved her to bits. We were planning to go on the Medical 9 week elective together in 2 years time, and her mother had planned to buy a care for us to share to drive to the various hospitals for the up-and-coming year.

 

As you can see, it seemed as if we were going nicely.

 

She started counselling in May because of past Dad issues. She told me that she's always been unhappy and that she's had very bad thoughts for a long time. She said that if I wanted to leave her, she wouldn't blame me for doing so. I told her that she can leave me if she wants, but I'm not going anywhere and I'll help her through anything regardless of what she is going through. She cried and kissed me.

 

Then the problem. She had a tonsilectomy on June 13th. I was supposed to see her before she went back to her family home to recover, but they had to rush back due to having a house viewing so she had to leave the hospital and go straight. I was rather disappointed by this because I knew that I wasn't going to see her for 2 weeks.

 

We texted that night, and upon asking me how my day was, I told her that I was rather disappointed that I didn't get to see her that morning before she went home. She misunderstood completely and thought I was blaming her. It was our first real argument. I apologised for the misunderstanding, and she accepted it but she didn't really seem to completely accept it.

 

Over the week of texting, she seemed a little distant and off. Wouldn't text me as much as she used to, then again, she was recovering from a tonsilectomy. She eventually apologised for being difficult and said that she just missed me and couldn't wait for it all to go back to normal.

 

On Friday, she told me that when she returns, she was going to her friend's birthday party first and then asked if she can stay over mine that night. I happily obliged.

 

On Saturday, she told me she missed me and loved me.

 

On Sunday, she said that in a week's time I'd meet her whole family when I was due to travel to her house and I bought train tickets for this. I couldn't wait.

 

Monday we didn't talk that much.

 

Tuesday, she didn't really reply to me and I went rather insecure and texted her saying that if she has a problem then she needs to tell me, and that she shouldn't bottle stuff in.

 

Wednesday, she texted me to say she needed to talk to me once she returns.

 

Friday, she finished the relationship. She said that she hasn't been happy for a while. A few other reasons, which largely reflected my insecure side (lack of decision making, treating her as a superior rather than an equal). She said I was a wonderful boyfriend, but she just wasn't happy anymore.

 

Now, this all happened in late June. I've had just under two months since then, and I feel a lot better than what I did following the break up. I've never faced up to my insecurity issues, but this break up really did make me realise that I needed to sort these issues out otherwise they would have continued to affect my life. So I'm seeing a counsellor myself for my self-esteem, I've started meditation and I'm also seeing a speech therapist for my stutter (the source of my lack of confidence, and something that I've hid from all of my friends and even her. I'm shy because it lowers the chance of me actually stuttering. It's not a serious stutter, but when I'm nervous it happens).

 

Unfortunately, I still miss her like crazy. During the break up, once she told me that she wasn't happy anymore, I thought "Well I tried my best, so if I can't make her happy now, I never will". But, I feel fantastic right now. I mean, the best I've felt in years. Do I think I can make her happy? Most definitely. I just feel as if I know what to do now. It was my first relationship, and I was useless. We didn't have sex at all because I couldn't get it up due to my insecurity. She was really nice about it, and just said that we'll try again another time.

 

I've gone no contact for more or less since the break up now, so about a 5 weeks. I didn't change for her, I changed for me. But I still want her back.

 

When she broke up with me, I asked if there's a chance we'll get back together and she said "no". I'm rather scared by that, but then again she knew that I'd be the type to just clutch onto a straw if she said maybe/yes, and I guess people say things they don't really mean all the time when they break up with someone. I hope.

 

On the whole, I'm OK about the break up now. It just amazed me how fast it happened and if she really was unhappy for so long, she chose a really strange way to show it. Talking about the future, saying that we could go all the way, not arguing at all etc. I really wished we argued just so she could have told me the problems she had with me like the decision making.

 

I've decided to stay NC until I return to University (1st of September), and then just act as if I'm over it all. I won't actively go to talk to her, but I feel so good right now that I know that I won't just stare at her during lectures.

 

Still, do you guys think there's hope? Now I've sorted my self-esteem issues out (or in the process anyway), and now being more confident and now officially ready for a relationship (when I wasn't before), do you think she could eventually take me back?

[preraph]

First of all, you did the exact right thing by going to a counselor. That is exactly what you needed to do. This relationship crystallized your insecurities so you could see how bad they were and how they were going to dictate your life. Now, insecurity doesn't go away in a few weeks, but it's probably the meds just making you feel less depressed.

 

She isn't going to come back anytime soon. I think what you need to do is simply let her know that you're committed to going no contact with her right now because you know it's the best thing for both of you, but that you want her to know that losing her motivated you to go to a counselor and work on your issues. In a year, if you're really feeling a lot better, maybe you let her know that but just let her either respond or not. I'm sure she will be very glad you got help for yourself, as she knows the value of therapy herself and cared about you. Very best wishes getting through all this.

[HD93]

First of all, you did the exact right thing by going to a counselor. That is exactly what you needed to do. This relationship crystallized your insecurities so you could see how bad they were and how they were going to dictate your life. Now, insecurity doesn't go away in a few weeks, but it's probably the meds just making you feel less depressed.

 

She isn't going to come back anytime soon. I think what you need to do is simply let her know that you're committed to going no contact with her right now because you know it's the best thing for both of you, but that you want her to know that losing her motivated you to go to a counselor and work on your issues. In a year, if you're really feeling a lot better, maybe you let her know that but just let her either respond or not. I'm sure she will be very glad you got help for yourself, as she knows the value of therapy herself and cared about you. Very best wishes getting through all this.

 

Thanks.

 

I should note that I'm not on medication. I have not been offered them and neither do I want them. I don't feel as if I'm depressed per say.

 

We're on medical placements together a few times this year as well, (October-November and February-June) so it's not as if I won't be seeing her. I'll just take that opportunity to show off the new found confidence that I lost many years ago.

 

Honestly, as much as I want her back, even if she did ask me back right now I'd say I wasn't ready and I'd stick with that decision this time rather than jumping straight into it like last time.

[HD93]

It's almost been 2 months since the break up now, but it just hit me how frequent my ex is posting pictures of the activities she's been doing since the break up on Facebook.

 

I just wonder what are the reasons for it.

 

For what it's worth, she broke up with me after 5 months. We're both 21.

I'm OK about the break up now because I now accept that I wasn't really ready for the relationship (she broke it off due to being unhappy, and I believe this is going by it was my first relationship so I now realise I did a great deal of naive things. I was a "wonderful boyfriend" though).

 

Thanks!

[erklat]

It's almost been 2 months since the break up now, but it just hit me how frequent my ex is posting pictures of the activities she's been doing since the break up on Facebook.

 

I just wonder what are the reasons for it.

 

For what it's worth, she broke up with me after 5 months. We're both 21.

I'm OK about the break up now because I now accept that I wasn't really ready for the relationship (she broke it off due to being unhappy, and I believe this is going by it was my first relationship so I now realise I did a great deal of naive things. I was a "wonderful boyfriend" though).

 

Thanks!

 

Why are you not doing nc ?

[Zeurich]

Why don't you hit the like button and comment excellent?

[HD93]

Why are you not doing nc ?

 

I am. I didn't delete her off Facebook though.

[HD93]

Why don't you hit the like button and comment excellent?

 

Unsure whether it's a good idea or not really. I was a very insecure guy in our relationship, and I've had a really good Summer and I'm in the process of dealing with all these issues.

 

I don't want to seem as if I'm still head over heels in love with her.

 

I'd love for us to restart connecting now, but since we're returning to University in about 2 weeks we're going to see each other anyway.

[erklat]

I am. I didn't delete her off Facebook though.

 

You're not because if you were... You wouldn't know about her photos.

 

Now you're unnecessary analyzing.

 

Remember. Anyone can talk. Talk is cheap. Actions matter and they say :

1) she said it was over

2) she left

[HD93]

You're not because if you were... You wouldn't know about her photos.

 

Now you're unnecessary analyzing.

 

Remember. Anyone can talk. Talk is cheap. Actions matter and they say :

1) she said it was over

2) she left

 

Yeah, I'm not contacting her if that's what you meant by "nc". I don't deem scrolling through my facebook timeline and seeing her photos me breaking "no contact".

 

I guess it is unnecessary analysis. I just wanted to know if anyone had any idea of why people post break ups put up more photos of themselves. I was just wondering what the mentality/aim of it all is.

 

She did say it was over. I understand that, and as I said, I've accepted that.

 

Nevertheless, I'm currently dealing with my low self-esteem and insecurity issues and I feel the best I've felt in years. Am I ready for a relationship with her/anyone? No. Hence why I'm not contacting her.

[Davidlarsson]

Yeah, I'm not contacting her if that's what you meant by "nc". I don't deem scrolling through my facebook timeline and seeing her photos me breaking "no contact".

 

I guess it is unnecessary analysis. I just wanted to know if anyone had any idea of why people post break ups put up more photos of themselves. I was just wondering what the mentality/aim of it all is.

 

She did say it was over. I understand that, and as I said, I've accepted that.

 

Nevertheless, I'm currently dealing with my low self-esteem and insecurity issues and I feel the best I've felt in years. Am I ready for a relationship with her/anyone? No. Hence why I'm not contacting her.

 

Yupp, my ex have been doing the same thing. Alot of random status messages, pictures, having fun, enjoying life, etc. Maybe it's a way of showing that life continues and they're good, maybe it's a facade, i dont know but it sure sux

[Always Pondering]

Yeah, I'm not contacting her if that's what you meant by "nc". I don't deem scrolling through my facebook timeline and seeing her photos me breaking "no contact".

 

I guess it is unnecessary analysis. I just wanted to know if anyone had any idea of why people post break ups put up more photos of themselves. I was just wondering what the mentality/aim of it all is.

 

She did say it was over. I understand that, and as I said, I've accepted that.

 

Nevertheless, I'm currently dealing with my low self-esteem and insecurity issues and I feel the best I've felt in years. Am I ready for a relationship with her/anyone? No. Hence why I'm not contacting her.

 

You're allowing yourself to look at those pictures of her by not removing her from your friends list and that's just going to hurt you or delay your healing. You should remove her off of your friends list and block her. As for the purpose, she could be trying to poke at you or she could simply just be posting those pictures just because. Regardless, she's your ex and it's Facebook so things aren't always as they appear. I wouldn't look into it any further.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, I'm not contacting her if that's what you meant by "nc". I don't deem scrolling through my facebook timeline and seeing her photos me breaking "no contact".

 

Well, it is. No Contact means no contact of any kind. No talking, no texting, no meeting, no following on social media, nothing. Until you stop checking up on her on social media you aren't in No Contact.

[HD93]

Well, it is. No Contact means no contact of any kind. No talking, no texting, no meeting, no following on social media, nothing. Until you stop checking up on her on social media you aren't in No Contact.

 

I guess so. But her posting these pictures aren't really affecting me. I'm making fantastic progress in terms of bettering myself (not doing it for her, I'm doing it because I needed to do it). I'm glad she's having a good Summer. I'm not bitter about it at all because if she didn't break up with me, I may still be same old guy who felt insecure, low-self esteemed and have low confidence.

 

I don't want to delete her off Facebook now because the fact is, I still hope there's a chance with her sometime in the next few months. I wasn't ready for the relationship, and I'm still not. But I'm hoping that in a couple of months time, when I'll be working with her on placements for University, I'll get to show off how confident I feel and everything.

 

It's been 2 months since the break up now, it would be a bit strange deleting her now. I don't want her to think I hate her, and I don't want to give off that vibe otherwise she'd definitely won't give me another chance.