abandonedpumpkins Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 Here's the skinny: I went out with a wonderful guy for a little over 8 months. We broke up...well he dumped me...and his reasoning was "Because i don't want a girlfriend" What does that ACTUALLY mean? Mike (the ex) sent me this email: <<<<<hey . . . right now im not sure what i want . . . right now im thinkin that i just dont need a gf right now, bc i have too many other things i want/need to do . . . . i love hangin out with my friends, and gfs take time and effort . . . . and i dont want to sacrafice the time i spend with my friends, and i dont want to have to hurt a gf by not spendin enuff time with her . . . . i do and i dont want to be with you . . . . i just dont really have all the time i want to devote myself to having a gf . . . . relationships take devotions and commitments . . . . sorry it took me so long to reply to this email . . . . . i just needed some time to think . . . . . im not sure yet whether or not i want to get back together with you in the future . . . . . but i am sure that i want u to still be my friend no matter what . . . . and i can assure you that even if i dont get back with you, im not going to be with anyone else, atleast not for a loong time . . . . well i gotta go right now, time for work . . . ill email you some more tomorrow or something . . . .ttyl bye>>>>>>> He says he wants to be friends but he is making no effort! I know how much his friends mean to him but hes not treating me like a friend. Prolly like a week after the breakup we agreed to be friends w/benefits...both of our parents knew we were having sex..i went to the doc got checked out got pills...and all for nothing?...i dont think so...we both have needs and who knows them better than us?... 9 days ago he got drunk with his best friend Adam and then his other best friend Heather came over and adam and my ex both took turns making out with the not drunk heather. He came over saturday and was still kinda messed up i guess and tried to mess around with me..i let him but my dad interupted us. I was so messed up the whole weekend. I was happy he told me bout the little make out session but to come over the next day and want to do crap was wrong..but i forgave him. I asked him if he still wanted to be FWB but he sed he had to think about it...i dont want to annoy him by askin him a lot but i cant do anything right now until i know where we are at. I love him a lot. and hope there will be a future...but my hope is running out. We've been through a lot together..
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 He says he wants to be friends but he is making no effort! That's because he isn't really interested in being friends. There's a difference between really wanting to be friends and using it as an excuse. He's using it as an excuse in this case to try to keep himself from looking like a complete jerk. He knows that you won't see it for the negative thing it is: you'll see it for the "positive" thing that he wants you to see it for ensuring that you'll stick around should he have need for you. "Because i don't want a girlfriend" What does that ACTUALLY mean? It means he doesn't want you for a girlfriend. He wants to be able to see you on his terms and conditions - including casual sex with no commitment. He enjoys your company, but he doesn't want to date you. There's no chance he's going to change things because he's getting exactly what he wants and needs out of it. Your needs don't really matter to him, and aren't factored into how this "relationship" works. He is keeping you on the back burner though, on the off chance he decides to come back. The question is: how willing are you to sit on that back burner and wait for something that may never happen? The choice is yours: end this one sided "relationship" or stay in it.
voituregirl Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 That guy is both eating the cake and wanting to have it. He doesn't treat you respectfully at all - I know love can be blind, but see him for the bad guy he is now! Walk away before your self esteem is gone. I know that you can do it!
Author abandonedpumpkins Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 thanks guys. Slowly im moving on. we arent gonna be fw/b just friends.Its really hard letting go. Not to think about how great he was...i cut my foot open one time and he left work to make sure i was okay...we laughed at the fact i got 6 stitches for walking 1 mph on a treadmill and got hurt. we had a lot of good times. I have a sorta date thing tomorrow i think with my friend ryan..he liked me in the past and i liked him..still do kinda...but i dont wanna start anything if im not over mike. Mike says he wants me to get a new bf..he wants me to move on. He doesnt want me to hurt anymore. he knows how bad this hurts me now once i voiced it...that was interesting...he still loves me i know he does..but i think hes in denial...i really do...im really tryin to keep myself from becoming numb again. i used to be numb before our relationship...then he opened up all these emotions...i hate it..but love it.. He was the best i ever had...and the worsed i ever had. i still think we could make it work but he needs his space. I'll get over it eventually....thanks for your support...
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