SpiralOut Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 What do you do with photographs of people you used to be friends with? What about pictures that include your ex? Do you a) Hide them. They aren't in your life anymore, so let's forget about it. b) Throw them out. Let's REALLY forget about them! c) Keep some of them in albums or photoframes. They may not be a part of my life anymore but they used to be and I don't want to erase my past. I've got a ton of photos from my past that I need to deal with. Many of them are painful, but I think that dealing with them is something that must be done. I don't want to just throw them all out or hide them in the closet anymore. Thoughts?
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 It's such a tough one, isn't it? Personally I quite like having one, two max photos from each of the serious relationships I've been in (people I was with 2-4 years). It's a memory of what my life was like at the time, how young I was, what I looked like. It's like erasing your part. It has very little to do with the ex in the photo, it doesn't make me reminisce about them, and I don't feel any pain or joy seeing them. I don't even get them out and look at them, I just keep them in a special shoebox with lots of mementos from my past, my late mother's watch, a love letter I found from my dad to my mother before I was even born, the first painting my little nephew drew, a photo of my ex and I atop the Eiffel Tower. But I don't get them out or have them on show, nor would I put them in a special album. They're just photos that at one point I came across which I happened to have a physical copy of and didn't feel like throwing out. I found two photos of my ex and I in my car boot yesterday while getting ready to move in with my new partner, he was there and saw that I had come across them, I just threw them in the trash. So yeah, one or two photos of a serious relationship. Ex friends? No. Nothing. Friendships with somebody you love falling apart are usually way more painful and upsetting than a breakup. Relationships break down, it's normal. Friendships are supposed to endure, and while you may drift apart from somebody if you get to the point you're an 'ex friend' then clearly something nasty has happened on either side. Those photos would upset me. It's funny actually, I'm moving in with my new boyfriend of seven months next week and I don't think he'll come across my photos, but I don't know if I'll come across any of his. I think if I did they'd probably give me a pang of pain but I'd never expect him to let them go either. Maybe we will just shove them all in the same place and forget about them but know they're still there. I delete ALL photos of exes from social media so he's never had to see me with somebody I'm in a relationship with but he still has photos of him and his ex on his facebook page, I've seen them and they don't really upset me any more, I never go to look for them, although at first they were weird to see and made me feel really jealous!
Giggle Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 There are photos of my exes in my photo albums. I don't currently have any frames up but even if they were with kids, I would exchange them for ones without the exes. I actually have a tattoo with the initial of my 1st ex. He was a huge part of my life. I did debate changing it, but it's not very noticable and he still means a lot. It's my history.
todreaminblue Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 my children have photos of my ex i dont feel the need to revisit.......doesnt bother me when i see photos......i just dont hold onto them i dont have any desire too...history doesnt repeat.....and looking at photos is like making it repeat...when it needs to be over.....deb
SadNLonley Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 For my ex husband I keep them for our kids. He was part of my life for 19 years. Thats alot of memories to throw out. They mean something to me so I keep them. Printed photos in the basement, digital on my computer. It doesnt hurt to look at them so its no big deal to me. For my exbf, I put all the things that remind me of him in the basement in a special box. The digital photos i hide in a folder i never go to. He was the love of my life (so far) and its too hard just to delete. One day when they dont mean anything to me and Ive moved on to the next chapter, I may at that point delete them, but still the memories are hard to just throw away like it meant nothing.
marcjb Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I still have some of my most recent ex that I broke up with 4 months ago. I will end up getting rid of them after I move into my new place. I don't believe in keeping the past around in any way. It's not respectful to your future / current partner. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 They are in albums with other things from those parts of my life. Sometimes I'll take a trip down memory lane but that's more about those times in my past not about the guys I left behind. 1
LilySandrine Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I threw away all photos of my ex. What would I want to keep them for? You people are weird. 2
Damaged217 Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 I threw away most of the photos of my ex. I think I still have a few somewhere. I remember keeping a few from trips we took together. I only kept them as a memento of the trip. I deleted all pictures of him or the 2 of us from my computer. I also find it disrespectful to keep a bunch of photos around. My boyfriend was showing me pictures from a trip on his computer and one popped up of him and his ex. I did not enjoy seeing that. I would never ask him to delete the pictures, but I wish he would. 1
anika99 Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 I have photos of my exes. Not on display but tucked away in a box with other mementos. I don't have a problem with guys who also keep photos of their exes tucked away out of sight. That's part of their history just like my photos and my exes are part of my history and I don't find it at all disrespectful. As you get older it's easier to appreciate your SO's past and your own past without becoming insecure or threatened by little things like photos. What exactly does getting rid of pictures or demanding that an SO get rid of their pictures prove? If your bf/gf is still pining or fantasizing about an ex then making them get rid of photos isn't going to make them stop doing that but I don't think most people keep photos for that reason anyways. Now I've just been reminded of an odd thing that happened to me once regarding old photos of exes. I had just started seeing this guy and we were on our 9 or 10th date. He had been divorced for 14 years and he was talking about his ex wife. Suddenly he announces that he has a picture of her and takes out his wallet, flips it open and there she was in one of those little photo sleeves built into some wallets. Okay that was weird. I asked him how long he had owned that wallet. He said about a year, so it's not like that picture had been in his wallet for years and he just forgot about it. I realized that he was carefully preserving that photo and deliberately moving it into each new wallet he purchased over the years. I was like "er...you carry a photo of your exwife from 14 years ago everywhere you go? Why?" He said "I don't know, it doesn't mean anything" and then he removed it from his wallet, tore it in two and threw it away, right in that moment, which was even weirder. LOL... 1
Missy0724 Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 I think there can be that balance. Sure, have pictures in photo albums, or boxes, or computer/thumb drive, etc. It's when you have them out, displayed, or hanging out in the nightstand, that is a bit odd. Having problem letting go much??? lol Had an ex that: 1. Kept family photo from a wedding from years ago, when first married to exwife, on his nightstand, with him and his ex wife standing together. 2. Had a picture hanging on bedroom room in his lake house, of ex wife with their two kids. 3. Found pictures of him and his ex GF in his nightstand. Woman he dating before he met me. WTF. Weird - sorry. And he was a mommy's boy, too. He was a winner... lol. See ya!
LuckyLady13 Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 What do I do? I burn them! Seriously! It's a ritual of mine to be rid of the past and step forward into a healthier, much better future. It's helpful for me to actually burn up the pictures and say goodbye to that person for the last time. But equally as important, it's so disrespectful to your partner or current good friends to go home and think about this past with other people who you either got rid of for a good reason or people who got rid of you. Right now...is so important to build a future with the people you are with. Saying goodbye to the past is the best way to focus on a better future. 1
anika99 Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 Well again, I don't see how having or not having photos of exes has any bearing on what I choose to think about. If I wanted to go home every night and think about an ex I could do that even without photo's. Having old photo's of someone also doesn't force me to think about them every night. I keep my photos of my exes and other people from my past in a box in my closet. I hardly come home every night and pour over my box of photos so I can think lovingly of my exes. I almost never look at my photos but once in a blue moon I do and yes sometimes my old photo's bring back happy memories. So what? There my memories and I can enjoy them if I want to. Having a fond memory of a person from my past doesn't mean I love the people in my present any less. I have no problem with an SO enjoying his memories either. My most recent ex whom I was with for 10 years had been married before me and had children with his ex wife. He shared his memories of his wife and marriage with me. A lot of it was bad which is why they divorced but of course they had many good times too, especially in their early years together, so he had some happy memories too. Who am I to tell him what he can or cannot remember? How exactly does one control what another person thinks about or remembers? A lobotomy maybe? My ex is entitled to his memories as am I. I'm hardly going to feel disrespected or insecure because of some old photos. What if the reason an old friend or boyfriend isn't in your life anymore is because they died? Do you still have to destroy every memory of the deceased since they are in the past and it's disrespectful to have memories of any past bf or friend your life before meeting the person you are currently with? If not, why not? 1
marcjb Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 What do I do? I burn them! Seriously! It's a ritual of mine to be rid of the past and step forward into a healthier, much better future. It's helpful for me to actually burn up the pictures and say goodbye to that person for the last time. But equally as important, it's so disrespectful to your partner or current good friends to go home and think about this past with other people who you either got rid of for a good reason or people who got rid of you. Right now...is so important to build a future with the people you are with. Saying goodbye to the past is the best way to focus on a better future. Yes, this right here! It's so amusing when people say they "don't want to get rid of the memories". If anyone actually wants to think of their ex sometimes, they should use the actual memories they have in their mind, not by keeping photos around (or away). "They don't want to delete a part of themselves"... That's also amusing. No one can delete a part of themselves, it's all about letting go of the past, learning from it, and MOVING ON by not keeping it in the present in any way, shape or form. 2
preraph Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 As long as they're mostly pleasant memories, I've got them lining my hall. There are so many that no one could possibly think they're all my boyfriends. It's when you have that "one" personal snapshot hidden in your drawer of just this one guy that gets you in trouble with new BFs.
littleplanet Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 I always keep photos of significant people, places and events in my life. (But then, I was a history student.) Absolutely nothing is up for display that would bring back painful memories. Those are stored away. With the arrival of digital - photos become ubiquitous. But no photo of anything in my life has become so volatile that it would have to be destroyed. They all mean something. Just the ones that are inappropriate to display (for whatever reason) are archived. It's been an awful long time since I felt that someone else would be disturbed by a photo I have. But on the other hand, there are ex-lovers and ex-friends from long ago that I have no photos of at all. So somewhere along the line I must have hit a "delete"button....
Recommended Posts