Zlatograd Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Hey. Me and my boyfriend, we have been together for six months. Last two months have been difficult for us - he wasn't sure about his feelings. I gave him space, didn't contact him for a month. Slowly he started to contact me, asking was everything alright with me. Yesterday when I asked how much more time he needed he said he doesn't, he said he wants to be with me. But, also about two months ago he started to hang out with mormons. At first I was totally fine with it - he said he was just exploring. Now.. now yesterday he also told me he wants to get baptized and become a mormon. I was shocked a little bit and didn't really know what to think of it. I think here is the place where I have to say that though I am not a religious person, I think that everyone has a right to believe whatever they want to believe and no one can tell another person he must or mustn't believe in something. But I really like to be with him.. and I don't want him to change, I don't want him to live his life by the rules of his religion. He said that if I can't accept him and what he wants to do, then he's very sorry. But he surely is going to choose the mormons. What should I do? Let him go?
oberkeat Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I'm not an expert on mormonism, but I've met several ex-mormons who say it's a restrictive belief system that they personally couldn't live with anymore. Seems to me, this comes down to two questions that only you can answer for yourself: Do you believe this "conversion" will cause him to become a different person than the one you fell in love with? Do his newly adopted beliefs, values, etc. compromise your own? Consider that, then take it from there.
PogoStick Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I think that everyone has a right to believe whatever they want to believe and no one can tell another person he must or mustn't believe in something. What should I do? Let him go? Correct, he has every right to believe whatever he wants, including ridiculous stories with no basis in fact. And you have every right to think he's an idiot for those beliefs. Leave him and find someone who doesn't lead their life based upon fantasy. 4
Supernatural Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) Hey. Me and my boyfriend, we have been together for six months. Last two months have been difficult for us - he wasn't sure about his feelings. I gave him space, didn't contact him for a month. Slowly he started to contact me, asking was everything alright with me. Yesterday when I asked how much more time he needed he said he doesn't, he said he wants to be with me. But, also about two months ago he started to hang out with mormons. At first I was totally fine with it - he said he was just exploring. Now.. now yesterday he also told me he wants to get baptized and become a mormon. I was shocked a little bit and didn't really know what to think of it. I think here is the place where I have to say that though I am not a religious person, I think that everyone has a right to believe whatever they want to believe and no one can tell another person he must or mustn't believe in something. But I really like to be with him.. and I don't want him to change, I don't want him to live his life by the rules of his religion. He said that if I can't accept him and what he wants to do, then he's very sorry. But he surely is going to choose the mormons". What should I do? Let him go? When I first glanced at this title I thought it said "My boyfriend wants to become a moron." It sounds like you two have different life beliefs... And that is a hard one to get by... It's like you can't escape it and will always be there. Death and Taxes. Edited August 16, 2014 by Supernatural
somedude81 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 If he seriously wants to become a Mormon, do yourself a favor and dump him now. 1
MissBee Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 You can't do much. He has to make the choice for himself. If it changes him and you are no longer compatible...that's just how it goes some times.
lollipopspot Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I'm pretty sure he's going to dump you anyway if you don't convert. 1
smackie9 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I dated a newly joined Mormon years ago. Tho I really liked him, the reality was his beliefs got in the way. Sorry hun but you are just wasting your time. 1
central Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 He's choosing this religion over you, and it's probably not something you'll be okay with if he fully embraces all that it teaches and tries to apply that to you. 1
Georgia2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I'm pretty sure he's going to dump you anyway if you don't convert. I think your wrong. OP said that if she can't accept his new religion then he's sorry. It sounds like he would only not be with her if she doesn't accept his religion choice. She didn't say he wants her to convert as well he just wants her to accept his new religion. Advice to OP you sound like you are doubting being with him when he becomes a Mormon. If he does change towards you or he changes then leave him. Why not wait and give it a few weeks after he becomes Mormon to see if he stays the same or if he changes. He might stay the same once he becomes Mormon. 1
lollipopspot Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) I think your wrong. OP said that if she can't accept his new religion then he's sorry. It sounds like he would only not be with her if she doesn't accept his religion choice. She didn't say he wants her to convert as well he just wants her to accept his new religion. Advice to OP you sound like you are doubting being with him when he becomes a Mormon. If he does change towards you or he changes then leave him. Why not wait and give it a few weeks after he becomes Mormon to see if he stays the same or if he changes. He might stay the same once he becomes Mormon. I think you don't know about Mormonism? Most true believers aren't going to tolerate being partnered with a nonbeliever. Of course he's not going to "stay the same." His beliefs are changing radically. Edited August 16, 2014 by lollipopspot 2
Assasda Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 If he wants to convert, there is nothing you can do OP. He is the only one responsible for his soul - whether you want to believe that or not, doesnt matter So either support him or leave him be. -Simple
preraph Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 To have a long-term relationship two things you have to if not totally agree on, at least be ambivalent about are religion and having kids. So this is not something trivial. It's a dealbreaker. 1
Georgia2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I think you don't know about Mormonism? Most true believers aren't going to tolerate being partnered with a nonbeliever. Of course he's not going to "stay the same." His beliefs are changing radically. I don't appreciate you trying to make me sound ignorant. You don't know how much knowledge I have on Mormons. My advice was to the OP not you.
lollipopspot Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I think your wrong... I don't appreciate you trying to make me sound ignorant. You don't know how much knowledge I have on Mormons. My advice was to the OP not you. You shouldn't have used my post and told me I was wrong, and instead just spoke directly to the OP if you didn't want to engage me. Regardless, Mormonism is a fairly closed culture, and also has some special precepts regarding marriage that makes it particularly desirable to partner with other Mormons (like, you can get married for eternity...) Can Mormons Marry Members of Other Churches? Can They Date Them? I Love a Mormon! | All About Mormons (plus, it's a weird cult)
FitChick Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Could be a phase he is going through. Many young people have a spiritual hunger. He may decide at some point it's not for him. There are people who join the Hare Krishnas and then leave. Live your life and if you two are meant to be together you will get another chance.
preraph Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 When you leave him, it would be kind of fun to wave your finger wand and say, "Poof, you're a Mormon." Because this did seem like an awfully sudden transition.
mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I don't think it's his wanting to be a Mormon that is really the issue here. What is the issue is that he seems to be giving you a lot of grief. You said before that you gave him space and didn't speak for a month before. Well, I've got some other news for you (and him). There is always a reason, always an excuse as to how and why he cannot do something. I bet he has plenty of time to do other things, doesn't he? I learned a long time ago that if you are with a person who always has a reason or an excuse as to how and why they can't do something, what they are really saying is "I won't". Chances are they have enough time, energy, money, motivation, etc. to do a lot of other things rather than what is being asked of them. You did put a religious spin on this by saying that he is thinking of becoming a Mormon. The religion is just another excuse. If he was an atheist he would find a reason unrelated. He reminds me of someone I was with years ago. He could not get over his old gf, he was too busy with his work, he felt pressured, he had no time, etc. and was a devout Catholic. He actually told me that he had prayed on this and he said that God wanted us to be friends not lovers after a year of long distance whining (via email no less). Needless to say, I told him where to go. I have not spoken to him since, he said he was becoming a priest, then he met and married another woman about a year later and they have been married ever since. I pity that poor woman. Truly. But I digress ... He's making excuses. End of story.
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