lemondrops Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 Hello I have a question for everyone: At the end of last summer, I met a wonderful girl who was dealing with a very bad breakup. We ended up spending almost every waking moment together despite the fact that her ex was very aggressive and hostile towards getting her back. Knowing that she was dealing with a lot, we decided to go slow which was perfectly fine with both of us. Her ex's efforts to ruin her life seemed to really be taking an effect on her and she ended up perceiving me as pushing too hard to date her and decided to end things with me. I called her and explained what my intentions were (fine with being friends) to which she responded that she would like to be friends too and would talk to me soon but I never heard from her. It's been three months since that response and I have not tried to contact her because I don't want to look aggressive/creepy but I would really like to send an email or instant message to open the door to communication and maybe even friendship but how long should I wait?
alphamale Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 she is attracted to the bad boys (like most women) and is prob back with her ex. she is not romantically interested in you so you should just drop it. and as I always say, women are for f***ing not for being friends with.
Author lemondrops Posted February 27, 2005 Author Posted February 27, 2005 Well, thankyou for that interesting answer however from mutual friends I know that she is not back with her ex. You could be right about the romantically interested comment, but I know for a fact she was roantically interested in me than up until our misunderstanding. Despite that, all I want is to just open the door to communication and be able to talk to her again, even if it is friends. Thanks again.
Pocky Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 Why don't you just send her an email asking her how she's been?
Author lemondrops Posted February 27, 2005 Author Posted February 27, 2005 Well, the reason that I haven't sent an email yet is because although she said she wanted to be friends, I think that if my actions scared her away I don't want to come off as aggressive and overbearing like her ex. The only thing I can think of is to let enough time go by so she see can see past everything that happened and not think of me as some threat or creep or whatever but talk to me as a friend. My fear is that not enough time has passed and she'll just ignore me or something. Thats why I don't know how much time I should let pass.
Pocky Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 In my opinion three months is sufficient time.
Author lemondrops Posted February 27, 2005 Author Posted February 27, 2005 Thank you for your input Pocky.
strange love Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Why dont you start the letter off something like I just wanted to see how you are doing, hope all is well. Or I hope im not bothering you Or.. I dunno Just send one email and wait for a reply..and I wouldnt mention thats she didnt call.
Mollyanna Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I don't know how you had the patience to wait 3 months! Kudos to you! I think you should write to her. Just say you were thinking of her and hope she is doing well. I wouldn't ask any questions or act like you expect a response. The rest is up to her. Maybe you remind her of that bad time in her life and that is why she hasn't called. Or maybe she thinks she hurt you enough. Or maybe she met someone else and you were just the rebound guy. (sorry if that is the case.) But you will never know any of this if you don't at least make a step toward her. Let her bridge the gap the remainder of the way. Good Luck!
Author lemondrops Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 Thank you very much for your replies Mollyanna and Strangelove, I really appreciate it.
Universe Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 3 months is plenty of time. Be prepared for her to not respond, or worse, be dating someone else. Email her. Keep it short, pleasant, and positive. Don't go into anything about the past. Don't apologize for anything. Be firm, confident, and pleasant. Be funny if you can. But keep it short. Effectively, you are just saying hi. If she doesn't respond, then move along. If she does, then ask her if she wants to hang out. Not until you hang out will you really be able to see if she's still interested. Don't try to figure that out until then. If she doesn't like you contacting her, she'll drop a hint. True, she's gone 3 months without contacting you. So that fact lends itself to the theory that she's lost interest and has moved on. But it's likely that she just needed to have some time to herself for a while to get through a bad breakup. I'm sure she respects the fact that you gave her the space she needed. She may still be interested, but hasn't contacted you for any host of reasons. Expect the worst and hope for the best. Email her and see what happens. Good luck.
Recommended Posts