Breaking past the friends barrier?

[TigerLilly78]

So im living with a friend of mine things are awesome and we get along great so much so I asked him a week ago flat out if he saw us as only friends or more he said more and that he likes me as much as I like him great!

 

Im really happy that we are both on the same page it seams now the thing is hes not really making any moves to take things past the friend zone? I know its only been like two weeks since we met but no real contact past light cuddling once or twice.

 

Its like he wants to but just doesn't I then act the same way in return and its getting well painfully awkward is this normal for a guy? should I try to break the ice more? im not sure how to handle this situation.

 

I don't want to be to pushy or rush things but I also don't want things to crash land smack in the friend zone permanently any advice is much appreciated thanks..

[TigerLilly78]

62 views and no advice? im starting to feel unloved...lol

[oberkeat]

Boy, I'd trade places with this guy in a minute Kidding aside, it's hard for me to understand what's up with this guy: he lives with you and you've made clear to him that you want to be intimate with him, but he refuses to make a move. You might try going out on an actual date with him. Suggest a date to him that involves you two dressing nice, steppin' out and flirting. During the date hold his hand. Kiss him when you feel the opportunity, or tell him to kiss you. If that doesn't light him on fire, and if he responds in some kind of lukewarm way, it's likely that he doesn't have any attraction to you.

Edited August 16, 2014 by oberkeat

[TigerLilly78]

, it's likely that he doesn't have any attraction to you.

 

Yeah ive thought about this but if this is the case why tell me he wants more? ive never been pushy and ive told him on many occasions if he wants just friends im fine with that but I just don't want to be led on.

 

Neither of us are stepping out kind of people were both home body's but good idea tho..I just don't get why a guy would say one thing but mean another? its like hes nervous or something even cuddling is a struggle tbh.

 

Like ill be laying down and he will continually walk over near me and just stand there awkwardly or sit near me and lightly touch my back or something its just wired mixed signals..

 

I know hes not a virgin or nothing and hes had at least one other GF so yeah this behavior is baffling me unless hes been untruthful or something I just don't know..

 

like I said I don't want to rush things but its starting to get uncomfortable for both of us it seams..and I dont know how to address the issue..

[smackie9]

The problem is, is that you live together, which makes it difficult to "date" someone. I think living together will complicate things, and things can go sideways if things don't work out. Even tho he likes you, I bet he is hesitant to pursue you because of your living arrangements. Time to have a discussion with him and see where he wants to take this. Maybe moving out is the only option to make this work.

[Assasda]

What you guys need to do is go out together and get to know each other more intimately.

Go have dinner or something, or go bowling.

 

Gives you a better chance to flirt with each other, and its also fun

[OwMyEyeball]

Yikes ... romance with roommates. That ranks up there with dating coworkers.

 

That's an uncomfortable situation to be in.

 

Best you just be up front with him again and get this sorted out before it comes to a boil.

 

There may be no "friend zone" to crash back down to because by all indications, you're still just friends.

[PinkElephants]

Relax, it took my bf 6 months of friendship to ask me out. I'll give you the run down, maybe it'll help.

 

We met at work, there was instant chemistry and started hanging out as friends. After a couple weeks, I kissed him and it became our new routine. We were friends/make out buddies who cuddled, slept in the same bed but no sex, went out to movies, hiked, and cooked dinner together. I thought about whether or not I wanted to date him and decided I was content with the friendship and didn't want to date a coworker. He took much longer to think it over and ultimately came to a different conclusion.

 

While he was thinking, I met someone else so he friend zoned himself and backed off. The other guy and I flirted with the idea of dating for a couple months but decided we were better off as friends. A little while after that, my pre-bf and I fell back into our previous routine. One night, I tried to sleep with him and he turned me down.

 

Then 2 months later and with no prompting, he blurted out that he wanted to be with me and spent the next 2 months wooing me into stepping out of the friend zone with him. I'm talking 2 vacations, flowers, hand written notes, and it's only increased now that he sees I'm sticking around and his efforts aren't for nothing.

 

He said he took so long to ask because he wanted to seriously evaluate if his feelings were a fleeting infatuation or the real deal. He wanted what was best for me so walked away rather than fighting for me when he saw I was interested in someone else. He wouldn't sleep with me pre-commitment because he refused to let us be reduced to f*ck buddies. He said the feelings welled up until the thought he was going to pop but he was a terrible communicator so I never knew; he's much better at that now. So he looked totally disinterested in me but was actually falling pretty hard. I was completely blindsided!

 

So my suggestions are two fold:

1. Act like nothing happened. Smile and keep it simple. Let him figure it out without pressure, have fun, get busy doing other things, let him miss you and stop bringing it up. Break down his walls by being someone he wants to be around, not an awkward nightmare who makes going home something he dreads. I did it all by accident but you can do it on purpose. If he wants things to change, he'll make it change but if he doesn't at least things won't be weird.

 

2. Adjust your expectations. Just because he's not shopping for rings after 2 weeks doesn't mean he's not interested. He also might not want to date you, either be satisfied with the status quo or stop it altogether. But don't stress yourself out analyzing everything.

 

I hope it all works out for you!

[TigerLilly78]

Relax, it took my bf 6 months of friendship to ask me out. I'll give you the run down, maybe it'll help.

 

We met at work, there was instant chemistry and started hanging out as friends. After a couple weeks, I kissed him and it became our new routine. We were friends/make out buddies who cuddled, slept in the same bed but no sex, went out to movies, hiked, and cooked dinner together. I thought about whether or not I wanted to date him and decided I was content with the friendship and didn't want to date a coworker. He took much longer to think it over and ultimately came to a different conclusion.

 

While he was thinking, I met someone else so he friend zoned himself and backed off. The other guy and I flirted with the idea of dating for a couple months but decided we were better off as friends. A little while after that, my pre-bf and I fell back into our previous routine. One night, I tried to sleep with him and he turned me down.

 

Then 2 months later and with no prompting, he blurted out that he wanted to be with me and spent the next 2 months wooing me into stepping out of the friend zone with him. I'm talking 2 vacations, flowers, hand written notes, and it's only increased now that he sees I'm sticking around and his efforts aren't for nothing.

 

He said he took so long to ask because he wanted to seriously evaluate if his feelings were a fleeting infatuation or the real deal. He wanted what was best for me so walked away rather than fighting for me when he saw I was interested in someone else. He wouldn't sleep with me pre-commitment because he refused to let us be reduced to f*ck buddies. He said the feelings welled up until the thought he was going to pop but he was a terrible communicator so I never knew; he's much better at that now. So he looked totally disinterested in me but was actually falling pretty hard. I was completely blindsided!

 

So my suggestions are two fold:

1. Act like nothing happened. Smile and keep it simple. Let him figure it out without pressure, have fun, get busy doing other things, let him miss you and stop bringing it up. Break down his walls by being someone he wants to be around, not an awkward nightmare who makes going home something he dreads. I did it all by accident but you can do it on purpose. If he wants things to change, he'll make it change but if he doesn't at least things won't be weird.

 

2. Adjust your expectations. Just because he's not shopping for rings after 2 weeks doesn't mean he's not interested. He also might not want to date you, either be satisfied with the status quo or stop it altogether. But don't stress yourself out analyzing everything.

 

I hope it all works out for you!

 

Yeah that is pretty much what im doing now just taking each day as it comes. I would def hope he doesn't think im a nightmare to come home to he doesn't act like it if anything hes always super sweet and trying to make me happy.

 

Oh I know that doesn't mean hes not interested im happy to be his friend until he feels hes ready to go further. I just wanted some advice on the slight mixed signals I guess..

 

I just want things to be comfortable for us both if he doesn't want to date me then that's fine he just needs to be honest so we can both move on cause to be stuck like that is not healthy for ether..

 

 

 

I've had a few women crash at my place over the years, and this is the sort of thing they did to show interest. It works much better than just saying you like someone.

 

1: One girl would send me pics of her laying in bed with blankets strategically placed to cover only certain areas.

 

2: I have 2 showers at my place, one of which is in the bathroom attached to my bedroom. I had a girl tell me she didn't like the main shower, and asked to use mine. I told her yes. She then walked into that bathroom, and left the door wide open while she got undressed, showered, and started to put her clothes on. Emphasis on started to. They didn't make it on for a while.

 

Do either of those things, and if he doesn't make a move, he is either gay, or finds you revolting. Just telling someone you like them is high school stuff.

 

Na that's not my style I don't feel the need to put myself out there like a cheap piece of meat for a man to show affection. And besides im not looking for quick hook up..

 

I def dout he finds me revolting judeging on the complements hes given me since we met. I thought telling some one you like them is the start of something no? that comment confuses me...

[TigerLilly78]

The women I described were bold, exuded confidence, and I found what they did to be incredibly sexy. Neither of those women made it far into relationship territory, but that was because we weren't compatible, not because I thought they "put themselves out there like a cheap piece of meat.."

 

 

 

Good, then that is one less thing for you to worry about.

 

 

 

I would never just tell a woman I like her, nor would I be all that interested in someone who only told me they liked me. Gather your courage and show the guy you like him. That is what will get his attention.

 

By the way, because of what those girls did to show their interest in me, I will probably remember them fondly for the rest of my days. I would quickly forget some awkward conversation where a girl just told me she liked me.

 

 

Ok so other then exposing myself how would you suggest I go about doing that? there in lies my struggle I suppose I do want to show I am interested but I do not want to come off to strong.

 

Even he knows that's not my style ether come to think of it im wondering if that's not also a slight issue he knows im rather conservative when it comes to sexual relations.

 

Up until this point its just been some snuggling here and there..I thought about going in for a kiss but is that to direct? I wouldn't want to upset him as that's usually the mans territory..

 

Of course you will remember them fondly im sure any man would remember a girl undressing in from of them in a shower..lol hey if it worked for them cool I just couldn't see myself doing that..

[fred123]

Relax, it took my bf 6 months of friendship to ask me out. I'll give you the run down, maybe it'll help.

 

We met at work, there was instant chemistry and started hanging out as friends. After a couple weeks, I kissed him and it became our new routine. We were friends/make out buddies who cuddled, slept in the same bed but no sex, went out to movies, hiked, and cooked dinner together. I thought about whether or not I wanted to date him and decided I was content with the friendship and didn't want to date a coworker. He took much longer to think it over and ultimately came to a different conclusion.

 

While he was thinking, I met someone else so he friend zoned himself and backed off. The other guy and I flirted with the idea of dating for a couple months but decided we were better off as friends. A little while after that, my pre-bf and I fell back into our previous routine. One night, I tried to sleep with him and he turned me down.

 

Then 2 months later and with no prompting, he blurted out that he wanted to be with me and spent the next 2 months wooing me into stepping out of the friend zone with him. I'm talking 2 vacations, flowers, hand written notes, and it's only increased now that he sees I'm sticking around and his efforts aren't for nothing.

 

He said he took so long to ask because he wanted to seriously evaluate if his feelings were a fleeting infatuation or the real deal. He wanted what was best for me so walked away rather than fighting for me when he saw I was interested in someone else. He wouldn't sleep with me pre-commitment because he refused to let us be reduced to f*ck buddies. He said the feelings welled up until the thought he was going to pop but he was a terrible communicator so I never knew; he's much better at that now. So he looked totally disinterested in me but was actually falling pretty hard. I was completely blindsided!

 

So my suggestions are two fold:

1. Act like nothing happened. Smile and keep it simple. Let him figure it out without pressure, have fun, get busy doing other things, let him miss you and stop bringing it up. Break down his walls by being someone he wants to be around, not an awkward nightmare who makes going home something he dreads. I did it all by accident but you can do it on purpose. If he wants things to change, he'll make it change but if he doesn't at least things won't be weird.

 

2. Adjust your expectations. Just because he's not shopping for rings after 2 weeks doesn't mean he's not interested. He also might not want to date you, either be satisfied with the status quo or stop it altogether. But don't stress yourself out analyzing everything.

 

I hope it all works out for you!

 

for every guy that doew this there is 10000 that fail. in fact writing hand written notes and flowers would be laughable if you didnt like him. he got lucky.

[smackie9]

I totally understand you don't want to look desperate like whipping your clothes off to get attention...you want to keep your self worth BUT that aside, you don't know what he meant by taking it further than friendship....he may only want to just bang you, with no intention of a relationship. This could be why he hasn't made a move. He's worried about the repercussions of just wanting sex.

[TigerLilly78]

I totally understand you don't want to look desperate like whipping your clothes off to get attention...you want to keep your self worth BUT that aside, you don't know what he meant by taking it further than friendship....he may only want to just bang you, with no intention of a relationship. This could be why he hasn't made a move. He's worried about the repercussions of just wanting sex.

 

 

I do see your point here simply saying one wants more can be left open to interpretation looking back I prob could have made my question a bit more clear granted I don't think he would expecting a purely sexual relationship as ive always made it quite clear my thoughts on such things and he knows its def not for me.

 

I brought up the fact he seams nervous around me some times last night he smiled and said nervous can be good..I think really im the 1st person whose shown genuine interest in him and that's alot to process for some guys.

 

I think hes a bit afraid to get hurt again and fair enough I have a feeling things will work out ok in the end it will just take time but that's ok things worth waiting for some times take time.

 

Long as I know im not being strung along im happy for now im just going to enjoy his company and let things progress as they do...

[DazedandConfused8]

So im living with a friend of mine things are awesome and we get along great so much so I asked him a week ago flat out if he saw us as only friends or more he said more and that he likes me as much as I like him great!

 

Im really happy that we are both on the same page it seams now the thing is hes not really making any moves to take things past the friend zone? I know its only been like two weeks since we met but no real contact past light cuddling once or twice.

 

Its like he wants to but just doesn't I then act the same way in return and its getting well painfully awkward is this normal for a guy? should I try to break the ice more? im not sure how to handle this situation.

 

I don't want to be to pushy or rush things but I also don't want things to crash land smack in the friend zone permanently any advice is much appreciated thanks..

 

What's "light" cuddling? Is there a way to have "heavy" cuddling?

 

Seriously though, someone had to be the first to break the "barrier" as you call it. Someone has to make the first move. If you're not comfortable being that person, buy alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. For both of you.

[TigerLilly78]

What's "light" cuddling? Is there a way to have "heavy" cuddling?

 

Seriously though, someone had to be the first to break the "barrier" as you call it. Someone has to make the first move. If you're not comfortable being that person, buy alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. For both of you.

 

 

Haha well light as in no making out or anything just cuddling and yes there is alcohol on hand the weekends coming up so well see I think things will work just trust has to be established 1st..