Starnette83 Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 I was a senior in high school when I met my b/f. 17 and full of life, i wasnt looking for a relationship because several months back i dated my first b/f for 3 months and he broke up with me. Before I met my b/f I had met many guys but I didn't like any, they either were stupid, boring or just not my type. I had lost hope and thought this would be just like the others. But he was different, he wasn't just the cutest guy ever with his blue eyes, but also was sweet, caring and wanted to get to know me as a person. We would talk for hours every night and he would blow me kisses making butterflies form in my stomach. I was a virgin and so was he and this made me even happier. After 2 months of dating I knew I wanted to lose it to him, it felt right and he never pressured me which made it feel even more right. So I talked to him about it and he didn't know what to say but I know he was happy. So next time I saw him we tried doing it but he got nervous and so we didn't. Then 3 weeks later we tried again and that's when we both lost our virginity together. It felt so right and all i could do was smile after that even though i did bleed alot. But the way he made me feel so happy and proteted knew I had done the best thing ever waiting to have sex with the guy who I knew was also a virgin and who cared about me just as much. These were the happiest times in my life. After 6 months of dating he tells me over the phone in his language that he loved me, i pretended to not understand but I knew by the way he said it what he had said. I told him to tell me in English but he said no, that he would tell me the next day -because it would be in person. So the next day when I saw him as he layed on top of me, looking into my eyes he told me "I love you"..i smiled big and hugged him so tightly and said "I love you too"...then I rememeber him saying that he was in love with me. After 8 months I realized we were serious and he was going to be the first bf to meet my family. I already knew all his and now it was my turn to present him to mom and dad. So my mom and dad loved him and he now was welcomed to my house. This year of being together was perfect, we barely fought and if we did it wouldn't come in to anyones mind to seperate. I knew he loved me alot and i loved him just as much. He became my best friend and I couldn't have been happier. 2nd year things took a turn, things were no longer so perfect and I think he began feeling weird with me, maybe he was scared because thats what i felt. Scared of all the feelings and how soon we got attached. At this time I was maybe 18 and him 17. Presently, we WERE in 4 years and 2 months but not anymore, he broke up with me yesterday and i'm still in shock because ic ant accept it..not after ALL we've been through. See the thing is that last year in July, after my bday he was being a jerk and he broke it off, i stayed in No contact for 5 weeks, it was the hardest thing ever!!! After that time i gave in and called and he told me he missed me so much and we got back, and ever since things had been good, but now we are back Broken up and this time i think its for real but i cant accept it!!!!!!!!!!! I love him soooooooo sooooooooo much. I don't like being without him and thinking that this time we won't get back because we already tried it makes me feel so tormented. He knows how much i love him, and he knows that im hurt. the reason he broke up with me was so stupid, it was just because i got mad at him because he told me he would call me one night and he didnt. He had done this before and told me sorry i wont do it again, but did. Maybe i shouldnt have got mad over it but i did but i still dont think thats a good reason tobreak it off with me. Ugh..i dont think i can ever get over him, i seriously have always believed that hes the one for me, and its so hard not hearing his voice or seeing him. Because when we are together it does feel right, i dont feel that way with no other guy even if its a brad pitt type of guy, to me my brad pitt is my ex. I dont know what to do...im scared. He hasnt called and i doubt he ever will...in the meantime what am i gonna do? Why do guys do this when they know the girl loves them so much, is it being scared of commitment. I'm 21 hes 20. but this year im turning 22...and in dec we would have been together 5 years.
Mustique Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 i almost cried as i was reading your story. First, i want to tell you how sorry i am. I know that this is a bit clisee but i know how you feel. the same is happening to me. I cant imagine how hurt you are, i mean five years together. Thats a long time. You said youll probably never get over him, i believe you. It will be hard. I also believe that you will. Remember, that doesnt mean that youll have to forget him. Sometimes life suprises, sometimes very hard. You know they say that women - just a waste of time and money. But men, if i may say, youll get only lots and lots of tears and a broken heart. I hope someday you'll remember how to smile again. I did. Best wishes!!
lostandlonely Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 i sort of know where you are coming from, my gf of four and half years dumped me (granted im not as blameless as you) and it hurts so much, we're never going to get back together but i'll always love her. Its so painful and im never going to be able to forget about her, but she wants to leave me and theres nothing that i can do about it. I will always love her, but if she's happy without me then i've just got to accept it, i know its not what you want to hear either, but if they dont want us there's nothing we can do. It hurts so much and i know i'll never forget her, but if thats what makes her happy then as painful as it is im pleased for her. I feel your pain (im 21 to, and yes she was my first) but all we can do is try and deal with it, being upset doesnt change anything. **** i know, but thats life
the_opposite_sex Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 k i'm 21 as well, b/f is 22 now. We've been together for 4 yrs, we just got back together after a 2 month split *broken up Oct-Dec '04* I thought we were over for good. He broke up w/ me b/c he was tired of fighting all the time and didn't think we were compatible. I thought we were over for good as well. I was devastated! Him and I got together back in h.s. when I was 17 as well, him 18. We're h.s. sweethearts! Point is this....I've been where you are right now! I know EXACTLY how your feelin girl! Give your ex some time, see what happens. I had the same mindset as you do right now, and looked what happened w/ me, we got back together. We even live together now and he knows w/ out a doubt that he wants to be w/ me and he is where he's suppose to be. I'm not sayin all this just to get your hopes up. Just tryin to comfort ya a little But i'll telll you what everyone told me when we were split up....if it's ment to be, he'll come around. If not, well, you'll know he's not the one. And at that point, you'll have to close that chapter of your life. You've done your part. You dont wanna be w/ someone who doesnt wanna be w/ you.
Author Starnette83 Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 hey guys thanks for posting, the thing is that i feel so hooked!! I really feel that i cannot let go, ive tried lots of times, by even meeting other guys but NOTHING has worked. We did break up for 5 weeks last year with no contact, but i ended up calling him and he wanted me back so we got back. I just feel that im way to insecure, i need to stop being so insecure, i get mad at him over dumb stuff, like if he forgets to call me, or if hes talking to a girl on the phone...I need to cut him some slack and not be so worried about what hes doing, its just that long time ago he used to flirt onlin and pretend he was single, he would also be mean with me and tell me he didnt lvoe me, i caught him in so many lies but i always forgave him btu i lost myself ..i lost my self respect...and i just gotten so insecure, he hasnt lied to me lately, not that i know of but i cant get over the past, it haunts me and im afraid that any minute he will just leave me to be with smeone else... we always break up get back, he even sais how im not normal, and im starting to feel not ormal because all this is driving me crazy!! well i hope seeing the counselor helps because i dont want to bethis way forever, i know icant change me, i can only change me....in a way i understand why he acts the way he does with me, i have no hobbies, i focus all my attention on him and mys elf esteem is below zero..ugh i need to overcome this n be strong!
upsetnhurt Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 Starnette, You have no reason to change as you are who you are..........I promise you that there are more reasons that you think for his actions of breaking up with you. I actually don't see any fault in your actions towards him for not calling you at a time that he promised too..........let me ask you what is it that you are hooked to? Are you really in love with him or are you in love with the idea of having someone that you have dated for 4 years still in your life and are fearful of meeting someone new? The reason that I ask is that you are telling me that he apparently can't love you for who you are and you feel the need to change to make him happy? Who would want anyone like that as the person you are with should accept the good and the bad in a person.....noone is perfect! What makes you think if you get back together that it will last and not breakup again the next time he doesn't call?
Author Starnette83 Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 well see we patched things up again , i told him i wouldnt be so demanding or jealous. I do find myself being jealous alot which makes me a bit controlling and no one likes that. I know im not perfect and that is my flaw being jealous n insecure besides that im a really good girlfriend i think, i give massages, always there for him, sexual, dress nice etc...i dont know what to say really, im going to see a counselor at school and try to get some insight there, mayeb they can help, i hope so! I have nightmares now when i go to sleep, like i was dreaming my bf telling me "You want to know who I like"..like he was going to tell me a girls name, this is my own paranoia isnt it!..i just dont like the fact that he goes from "I lvoe you" to "i dont know if i love you"..yesterday when i was telling him i loved him he never said he loved me back, it was just during sex that he told me "You are my baby" ..what does that mean? i want to hear i love you!...and i want him to always run away by giving up and us getting back because I do the chasing, i go and fix things. even tho i get a lil happy we get back inside i feel degraded and feel lik e"damn, if it wasnt for me we wouldnt be together". I want a guy to make me feel worthy , like he wont leave me and that i dont have to worry but i dont feel this way with my guy, in part i feel its my fault cuz when we fight he sees i try to fix things and him knowing that he knows how to control the situation. Cuz really he totally confuses me, i dont know if he wants me or not, part of me feels he does but then part of me is not so sure. Plus hes leaving to a far away school, that in itself shopuld show mehe wants to geta way? or no? He sais hes never cheated and i do believe him cuz hes not the type of guy that would cheat, instead he would just dump the person hes with if he is attracted to someone else, which is just as shady. Ahhh im confused i feel like being with him but just playing games with him, but who am i fooling? can i actually do it? i was thinking keeping busy this week and not seeing him until friday, its goign to be hard BUT i want to make him want me! by me always being available, it sux. Plus i do need to find other things that interest me besides him, cuz in a way i need to open my eye sand see that with this guy life is uncertain, he is not a for sure thing and i need to start practicing doing things without him!!!
Recommended Posts