UPDATE: So, he finally has my number after 4 months, why isn't he calling?

[writergal]

You do not date people for their "potential". If you want something you can mold into all your hopes and dreams, buy a house.

 

+1. OP, you remind me of that rich business woman character in the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail," where she tries to force Tom Cruise (who just wants to be a bartender and own his own business someday) into a role he doesn't want to be: her sex boytoy whom she also wants to go to business school to get his MBA so he can work for her, at her company. Basically, that character lacked total self awareness and only saw people as her pawns to play with and to manipulate. (Heck, there's people here on LS who do that too.)

 

Better yet, if you want something you can mold into everything you want....become a sculptor. Leave this poor sap alone.

 

Oh, and Do_the_Herp asked you a direct question, did you tell this guy that you were single again? But you avoided answering Herp, so methinks you can't even be straightforward here in your own thread with people. Mixed messages always have bad consequences. Even language translators would agree with me on that one.

[BlueIvy]

So him not being well-off is a problem for you, but he's got a great personality. Well this is easy.

 

Drop him. You'll be doing him a favor, trust me. Nats.

 

Him not being well off isn't the problem, it's just a few things adding up. I cut out some details because it's just a lot to type. One being is he is a ex-felon. He also admitted he use to be a player when younger,etc,etc.

 

I am conflicted because I do find him attractive and he seems genuine and is trying to learn from past mistakes, which is really admirable. But apart from that, it seems isn't doing anything to establish a career for himself, which I am doing now. If I am to get in a serious relationship, I want to feel like whoever I am with can build a future with me. And I wonder if I were to pursue this, would this even work out considering we are rather different. But it seems he is looking for a serious relationship and I don't want to write him off. And really I had men who are more "well off" pursue me but haven't been interested because of their personality/lack of chemistry.

 

Anyway, today is his Birthday and I sent a nice picture of myself (not explicit) and he replied that he liked it. I also wished him a Happy B day but he hasn't really replied since after.

 

From what you said here, can't say I blame him. You're not into him really and giving mixed singles. You wish he was something he's not. You dissed his attempt at a kiss. I honestly don't know why you're confused. Anyone with an ounce of self respect would move on as he has.

 

I did want to kiss him but I don't kiss on the 1st date, it's nothing against him, it's just something I don't do. I would think after 4 months, well he clarified and said 6 months he must really like me and want to pursue me even after I initially rejected him. He said I was cold in that rejection so I would think he would move on from that point.

 

Let me put it in more blunt terms.

 

You're an extremely shallow person who got pissed cause dude isn't giving you attention because apparently not having a car is the worst thing ever.

 

It's that simple.

 

Again, you can stop assuming because you don't know me and never met me. It's not just the car thing, it's other things. And I am not pissed but you obviously are.

 

You do not date people for their "potential". If you want something you can mold into all your hopes and dreams, buy a house.

 

Who is trying to mold anyone? It's apparent some of you are bitter and projecting because when did I say I was trying to mold him? I want him to be himself.

 

 

+1. OP, you remind me of that rich business woman character in the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail," where she tries to force Tom Cruise (who just wants to be a bartender and own his own business someday) into a role he doesn't want to be: her sex boytoy whom she also wants to go to business school to get his MBA so he can work for her, at her company. Basically, that character lacked total self awareness and only saw people as her pawns to play with and to manipulate. (Heck, there's people here on LS who do that too.)

 

Better yet, if you want something you can mold into everything you want....become a sculptor. Leave this poor sap alone.

 

Oh, and Do_the_Herp asked you a direct question, did you tell this guy that you were single again? But you avoided answering Herp, so methinks you can't even be straightforward here in your own thread with people. Mixed messages always have bad consequences. Even language translators would agree with me on that one.

 

Again, you can stop assuming:rolleyes: because you don't know me. I don't use or manipulate people. Do I have to repeat the same ****? I told him I am single.

[BlueIvy]

I also forgot to add he still follows me on a social media site, DK if that means anything, but if I felt someone doesn't like me; I probably would un-follow them.

[BlueIvy]

Just a update if anyone cares but we have stopped communcating. The communication basically waned off. He would randomly reply to my text but not follow up having a convo, and I eventually deleted his #, clearly a sign he lost interest for whatever reason since we use to communicate nearly daily, which he initiated majority of the time. We still follow each other on a social media site though.

 

I guess I am shallow to a certain extent, but character and depth go a long way.

 

And the thing is if the car was the only issue, I would have been open to dating him long term...but I feel there were red flags...

 

But On the 1st date, he already told me he had a felony conviction record and the details of it. Mentioned he cheated in his previous relationship and why; which was a immature reason. Said he's only been in 1 serious relationship and before he just toyed with women telling them whatever they want to hear. Told me he bounced around from foster home to foster home.<<this isn't a factor but TMI for a 1st date. Told me he has a poor relationship with his Uncle who he now lives with.

 

Said he had a goal of going into broadcasting but said school isn't for him, so doesn't seem ambitious, which is a big turn off. Has a child OOW which isn't a big turn off but as I have no kids, would prefer a man with no kids especially since I am still relatively young. And his kid is under 5.

 

I initially didn't want other things to cause me to write him off, but no one is perfect but the reason why I feel like I would be settling is not because I am shallow, it's because I can and have done better. I used the car as the basis but really it was just the cons outweighing the pros.

 

Life goes on.

Edited August 24, 2014 by BlueIvy

[GemmaUK]

Just for the record and from what you have posted BlueIvy I don't think you were wanting a man for his car/cash. You were just wanting someone on a similar life level to yourself.

 

All of the things you've posted about his situation combined would put me off somewhat also.

You can be attracted to someone but it doesn't mean they are right for you and how to want your life to go.

[BlueIvy]

Just for the record and from what you have posted BlueIvy I don't think you were wanting a man for his car/cash. You were just wanting someone on a similar life level to yourself.

 

All of the things you've posted about his situation combined would put me off somewhat also.

You can be attracted to someone but it doesn't mean they are right for you and how to want your life to go.

 

Exactly! Our lives are completely opposite. And I am open-minded, but all the things combined is off putting, especially for establishing a future.

 

If my sister had no kids, a college grad, good job and ambitious. I wouldn't want her involved with a man who has little ambition, kids OOW, low pay job, history of playing and cheating on women, no car, ex-con, just because he's cute or seems nice. People can mature and grow up but; clearly, she could do better and be with someone who is closer to the traits she actualy possesses. I mean does a cute face trump all that?

 

I wouldn't mind being platonic friends with him but for a serious relationship, no.

 

Clearly, are objective and know where I am coming from.

[GemmaUK]

Exactly! Our lives are completely opposite. And I am open-minded, but all the things combined is off putting, especially for establishing a future.

 

If my sister had no kids, a college grad, good job and ambitious. I wouldn't want her involved with a man who has little ambition, kids OOW, low pay job, history of playing and cheating on women, no car, ex-con, just because he's cute or seems nice. People can mature and grow up but; clearly, she could do better and be with someone who is closer to the traits she actualy possesses. I mean does a cute face trump all that?

 

I wouldn't mind being platonic friends with him but for a serious relationship, no.

 

Clearly, are objective and know where I am coming from.

 

I get you completely!

 

Same in reverse, if I met a great guy and instead of just having a job and a house he had a mansion and a private jet I would be wondering why he would want to be with me.

We wouldn't be on the same level..at all!

[BlueIvy]

I get you completely!

 

Same in reverse, if I met a great guy and instead of just having a job and a house he had a mansion and a private jet I would be wondering why he would want to be with me.

We wouldn't be on the same level..at all!

 

I feel it's different for women and men. Men are valued more for their status/money. Women are valued more so for their youth and beauty.

 

Perhaps you are much younger/nice body/pretty and he wants you as a trophy? Or perhaps he just genuinely likes you? But most men, unless he's a bum, don't care what assets a woman has. I think money only comes an issue for men if they feel a woman just wants to use them.

 

With my ex, he is a lawyer and makes much more money than me. He is more educated than me as well, but I guess it balances out because I am a lot younger than him and deemed very attractive. But I know if I didn't have goals or had no substance, he wouldn't have been with me.