Camaro Guy Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Hi guys. I was reading on several sites that there's this notion of "preselection" when it comes to women. As in they want guys other women want. Usually if a guy has the attention of a women or women, they will see him as a viable option. I've seen this happen with some people I know. Unfortunately, I'm a virgin and I've never been "preselected" when it comes time for sex, should I just lie and say I haven't done it in a while? It seems like that's where it's headed, because I'm getting up there in age... Just lie about girlfriends, partners, what?
Ms_Kitka Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Hi, I wouldnt lie, if it backfires you will feel worse. If a woman asks you what you like in bed, just go with the things that have made you feel good in simply making out. If you like to get kissed, say kisses all over your body, if you like role play, say that. You dont have to have had full blown sex to know what still feels good. Also, I would tell a girl you like it when the girl gets on top a lot. That way, she will do the work once you are hard and you will not worry about your "performance" as much. Once you are comfortable with how its going, you can take over. I wouldnt worry so much about being seen as a stud with women around your arms so much. It will come when you are relaxed and not trying so hard. Women have this sixth sense that most of us can tell a poser or someone trying too hard a mile away. Just be yourself and you will attract someone who wants you to feel comfortable even if its just "casual".
todreaminblue Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 be honest say you havenot had much experience but are a fast learner tell her all that matters to you is what to do that makes her feel good.....and you look forward to doing just that finding out what makes her feel good..... because that is all that really matters not that a previous gf would go crazy when you licked her eyeball and orgasm right then and there with a slow lick........leave that part out but you get my drift...eyeballs =can be sexy ...but maybe not to her.....what another woman liked might not be what she likes...so be honest..best wishes...deb 1
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Get off OLD. Use other methods to meet people, especially ones based in real life. Be neat, clean, friendly, interesting and interested in the women you meet. Do not lie or try to puff up your stats. Do not focus on your virginity. Most women aren't all that invested in your sexual status initially. 1
Author Camaro Guy Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Get off OLD. Use other methods to meet people, especially ones based in real life. Be neat, clean, friendly, interesting and interested in the women you meet. Do not lie or try to puff up your stats. Do not focus on your virginity. Most women aren't all that invested in your sexual status initially. I don't use online dating. I only meet in real life.
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 OK, then where are you looking? Have you told family & friends you are open to being set up? Do you volunteer anywhere? Have you tried specialized singles groups based on your interests? There are wine dinners. I went to one you could bring your dog. I was going to try one where they set you up to play golf because I figured a bad day on the course is still better than a good day at work. A dear friend met her husband through a ski club. 1
Author Camaro Guy Posted August 17, 2014 Author Posted August 17, 2014 OK, then where are you looking? Have you told family & friends you are open to being set up? Do you volunteer anywhere? Have you tried specialized singles groups based on your interests? There are wine dinners. I went to one you could bring your dog. I was going to try one where they set you up to play golf because I figured a bad day on the course is still better than a good day at work. A dear friend met her husband through a ski club. I'd really rather not have someone play matchmaker for me. I know what I'm attracted to and others don't.
d0nnivain Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I'd really rather not have someone play matchmaker for me. I know what I'm attracted to and others don't. What you are currently doing hasn't work for you or you wouldn't be on here complaining that you are getting pre-selected out of the dating pool. So trying something new seems to be in order. It's pop psychology / entertainment drivel but take a look at that show the Millionaire Matchmaker. People come to her & say this is my type blah, blah, blah. She says, no that is totally not what you need. The ones who listen to her end up having a better date then the ones who think they know better. You can tell them you don't want to be fixed up on a blind date per se. I used to get a group together & invite both people. If they hit it off, fine. If they didn't they still had others to interact with. 1
Ronni_W Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I'm a virgin and I've never been "preselected" when it comes time for sex, should I just lie and say I haven't done it in a while? ... Just lie about girlfriends, partners, what? No...you will get found out sooner than later. Since you don't have practical experience, you can at least get some proper theoretical background. Try books like: ~ She Comes First ~ The Clitoral Truth ~ Sex God Method Focus on what feels most natural to you. When with a partner, you also need to first find out her natural tendencies, proclivities and fantasies...instead of just assuming that all women are the same or have the same fantasies or to the same degree. (We're not and we don't ) Very often, just have intellectual knowledge of this stuff will help you feel more self-confident. Best of luck.
Priv Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 (edited) No...you will get found out sooner than later. Since you don't have practical experience, you can at least get some proper theoretical background. Try books like: ~ She Comes First ~ The Clitoral Truth ~ Sex God Method Focus on what feels most natural to you. When with a partner, you also need to first find out her natural tendencies, proclivities and fantasies...instead of just assuming that all women are the same or have the same fantasies or to the same degree. (We're not and we don't ) Very often, just have intellectual knowledge of this stuff will help you feel more self-confident. Best of luck. ` When going sex god on her clitoris making sure she comes first try to remember to have some fun as well and have your needs met too. A good partner will have an equal interest in you (so important and vey rare to find). And be happy to explain to you what she likes and probably be proud to be your first. So no reason to lie. Anyway, preselection does not really apply to sex. It applies to men in a relationship being seen as more attractive to women than men being single all else being equal to a very significant degree. However, the websites take that principle and come up with weird workarounds to use that to your advantage which probably does not work (for example, telling her you slept with lots of women which I read on the first google hit, quite sure that is not going to work). Only study I vagelue remember is indeed being seen as more attractive talking about past relationships, but only when you are the dumper. You actually got less attractive when you got dumped. So maybe best to not think about it. Too many variables influencing it and very little you can do about it. But in the end, humans are weird. Almost sad it is easier to pick someone up while in a RS cheating than a single guy. Edited August 18, 2014 by Priv
Author Camaro Guy Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 And this has worked for you so well that you want to stick by it, right? Yeah, it has. Others don't know what I like. You know that saying "the only job done well is a job done yourself?" Well, that applies here.
Author Camaro Guy Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 The main thing I do want to know is how to come across as having experiences, whether with a girlfriend or not. I quiver even when talking to girls, how will I hold my composure when they have their clothes off? I don't necessarily have to lie, just avoid the subject. It's just to girls that it says "wait, why is he a virgin at this age? If all these women wouldn't have sex with him, why should I?" I'm sorry, but that's just how women operate.
Ronni_W Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 It's just to girls that it says "wait, why is he a virgin at this age? If all these women wouldn't have sex with him, why should I?" I'm sorry, but that's just how women operate. Even if some do, not ALL women "operate" that way. And, who are these "all these women [who] wouldn't have sex with him" that women are going to be thinking about, when they think about having sex with you? There wouldn't even be any logic in anyone thinking that! Because nobody will know if or how many opportunities you have or have not had to have sex. If you say that you have simply not found the "right woman" with whom to have sex, then people won't necessarily think twice about it. But if you project, come across like you're a loser or there's something "wrong" with you for still being a virgin, or that "all these [other] women" rejected you for sex, then of course that is going to influence how potential sex partners perceive you.
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 The main thing I do want to know is how to come across as having experiences, whether with a girlfriend or not. I quiver even when talking to girls, how will I hold my composure when they have their clothes off? I don't necessarily have to lie, just avoid the subject. It's just to girls that it says "wait, why is he a virgin at this age? If all these women wouldn't have sex with him, why should I?" I'm sorry, but that's just how women operate. No it's not how women operate. As for talking to women, adopt the old fake it 'til you make it philosophy. Keep telling yourself that you are calm cool & collected. In what area of your life are you the most confident? Remember how that feels & will yourself to feel like that when talking to women. Women are just people. We bleed. We feel. We're human not something to be feared. You do have some kind of cockiness in other parts of your life. If you didn't you would not have the attitude that only you can find somebody to date & you can't be fixed up because no one else knows what you like. Once things get more intimate you should have the confidence that comes from loving & trusting the other person. Hormones & instinct will help too. 2
ascendotum Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 The main thing I do want to know is how to come across as having experiences, whether with a girlfriend or not. I quiver even when talking to girls, how will I hold my composure when they have their clothes off? I don't necessarily have to lie, just avoid the subject. It's just to girls that it says "wait, why is he a virgin at this age? If all these women wouldn't have sex with him, why should I?" I'm sorry, but that's just how women operate. Maybe you might lose your composure or maybe your eyes light up like you found a $100 note on the ground..plus you get a boner and start to operate instinctively on putting that to good use. If you lose your composure then lying about being a bit of a champ with the ladies will soon come off as a bunch of bs. You need to deal with the nervousness more than come up a charade. You are right it becomes a bigger hoodoo with each passing year though so you need to explain why in a confident manner when she starts to ask you about past gfs, but you could dodge the subject in the first few dates till after the sex at least. If you were bombing out with prospects as soon as you admit to being inexperienced with women when they quiz you in the lead up, I'd say go for the lie. If they pick up in bed that you are not so sauve, well it will still end up as mission accomplished on losing your V even if you blow it for a relationship. It seems you have not had it tank your chances yet, so see how you go first with out the bs.
Author Camaro Guy Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 Maybe you might lose your composure or maybe your eyes light up like you found a $100 note on the ground..plus you get a boner and start to operate instinctively on putting that to good use. If you lose your composure then lying about being a bit of a champ with the ladies will soon come off as a bunch of bs. You need to deal with the nervousness more than come up a charade. You are right it becomes a bigger hoodoo with each passing year though so you need to explain why in a confident manner when she starts to ask you about past gfs, but you could dodge the subject in the first few dates till after the sex at least. If you were bombing out with prospects as soon as you admit to being inexperienced with women when they quiz you in the lead up, I'd say go for the lie. If they pick up in bed that you are not so sauve, well it will still end up as mission accomplished on losing your V even if you blow it for a relationship. It seems you have not had it tank your chances yet, so see how you go first with out the bs. Well, I just hope so. In all actuality, I never see myself as losing my virginity and if I do, it'll be at a point where I'll definitely need to lie about it.
GravityMan Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 While it's true that some people prefer those that have had previous romantic experience...the issue with sexually inexperienced people isn't that they're inexperienced. It's that they worry and care too much about their inexperience. Others are picking up on the self-consciousness, shame and/or insecurity they are displaying. In other words, they are shooting themselves in the foot. They spend too much time thinking and not enough time acting. Dating favors those who are willing to just "go for it". It all boils down to confidence. It's difficult for others be comfortable around you if you're not comfortable in your own skin. If a person is a house...then his confidence is the house's foundation. 1
Author Camaro Guy Posted August 23, 2014 Author Posted August 23, 2014 While it's true that some people prefer those that have had previous romantic experience...the issue with sexually inexperienced people isn't that they're inexperienced. It's that they worry and care too much about their inexperience. Others are picking up on the self-consciousness, shame and/or insecurity they are displaying. In other words, they are shooting themselves in the foot. They spend too much time thinking and not enough time acting. Dating favors those who are willing to just "go for it". It all boils down to confidence. It's difficult for others be comfortable around you if you're not comfortable in your own skin. If a person is a house...then his confidence is the house's foundation. Then why are a lot of women turned off by virgins?
StanMusial Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 IMO you shouldn't even worry about all of the sex advice. Are you even talking to girls right now? Getting yourself in position to have sex (no pun intended) is harder (no pun intended) than the act itself. For pete's sake the dogs and the deer and the buffalo do it and they never read a book. Don't overthink it. If you see guys that girls want, that are "preselected", try to copy their traits. They are most likely not scared of girls, that's for sure, and you could start there.
Author Camaro Guy Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 When I say "get laid" in this context, I mean get attraction from girls. I just recently heard this from a guy I know. He says that a man's worth to women is partially determined by either how much he's had sex or has had women want to have sex with him but he has respectfully declined. Is there any truth to this? I have heard before that women tend to like guys other women like. Men also have this but I think it's to a lesser extent. Anyway, I heard that it sends like red flags in a woman's head like "why aren't other women attracted to this guy, am I missing something". I just want to ask is this true? And women, do you not respect men who can't get female attraction as invalid men? Especially the older they get?
Mister Zen Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Women are generally more cautions and risk averse than men are. When women see a lot of other women approving of a certain man, it puts them at ease and they assume there is less risk involved with associating with (sleeping with) that man. If most women avoid a particular man.. then other women see involvement with that man as high risk because she doesn't know what is causing other women to avoid him. Women are very uncomfortable with the unknown. More so that men are. This is why they play detective in relationships and forget NOTHING. They need to know everything or they feel insecure. They would rather stay with a man that beats them up, but who they "know" compared to walking away with a man they know nothing about. Another part of it is social status which is very important to women. They like the "status" of being with a man other women also want to be with. They feel that much more special for beating out all those other women. So you can sum it up to being shallow and/or being a scaredy cat in most cases. And if what I said offends you.. then I must be talking about you.
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