Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 If I tell a woman I'm not her type then how is she likely to interpret that? A mutual friend of this woman I have a crush on asked me if I thought she and I would go good together. I just flat out said that I probably would not be her type. Chances are what I said is going to get back to her.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 The reason I said what I said is because bottom line I do not feel worthy of a relationship with this lady especially of a sexual nature. I have no confidence in myself and even if she did ask me out directly I would tell her that I appreciate you asking but I'm afraid that's out of the question. She may misinterpret that as me not being interested when the truth is I like her alot but do not feel worthy of that kind of attention from her.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 As a woman, I wouldn't take offense to the comment and would likely interpret it just as you outlined. Saying "I'm not your type" is dramatically different than "You're not my type" which would be WAY more offensive. I think you still have a shot with her if you really wanted it Good luck. 2
aussietigerwolf Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Wait... So if this girl asked you out then you'd say no even though you do want to go out with her????
Candy_Pants Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 "I'm not your type" means you've made assumptions based on (what exactly?) your assumptions of this other person. Pretty offensive. "You're not my type" means that you're confident you know what your type is, and this person isn't that. Not offensive. 2
Airborne Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 She's likely to think you're insecure and lack confidence. 1
Supernatural Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 The reason I said what I said is because bottom line I do not feel worthy of a relationship with this lady especially of a sexual nature. I have no confidence in myself and even if she did ask me out directly I would tell her that I appreciate you asking but I'm afraid that's out of the question. She may misinterpret that as me not being interested when the truth is I like her alot but do not feel worthy of that kind of attention from her. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! 1
Tbisb74 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Whether you think it is so, or whether you think it's not so - you're right. Whatever perception you have of yourself, you project and present to the world. If you think you're unworthy, eventually, you will really believe it (I don't think you do yet, I think you're fishing, to a certain extent) and others will see that what you project is actually what you really are. So forget what they think. Work on what YOU think.
todreaminblue Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 i am still trying to understand why you didnt try ......i get that you say you are not worthy ......worthy of what.....a date ......a chance to see how things go......most people are worthy of that chance to know them...... most people deserve to give themsleves a chance.............to give it a go...leagues are fro football..why dont you try for a date if both of you are single...maybe she isnt interested but you deserve to give yourself a chance to find out.....no loss if you do luck out...at least you gave it a shot.you like her and are talking yourself out of it......doesnt matter how scared you are....how nervous or how unsure..... ask her...... tell her you like her and would like to get to know her...courage isnt when you feel invincible courage is when you feel vulnerable and its the best kind.....because its honest.....courage..in the face of fear...stuff fear ...kick its ass........good luck...deb
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I'd think three things: 1) You're not all that interested in me, and this is your way of blowing me off 2) You're insecure 3) You've made assumptions about me and presume to know what my "type" is.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) i am still trying to understand why you didnt try ......i get that you say you are not worthy ......worthy of what.....a date ......a chance to see how things go......most people are worthy of that chance to know them...... most people deserve to give themsleves a chance.............to give it a go...leagues are fro football..why dont you try for a date if both of you are single...maybe she isnt interested but you deserve to give yourself a chance to find out.....no loss if you do luck out...at least you gave it a shot.you like her and are talking yourself out of it......doesnt matter how scared you are....how nervous or how unsure..... ask her...... tell her you like her and would like to get to know her...courage isnt when you feel invincible courage is when you feel vulnerable and its the best kind.....because its honest.....courage..in the face of fear...stuff fear ...kick its ass........good luck...deb You are right I may come to find out definitively that she is not interested if I stick my neck out but I'm not yet ready to find out the definitive truth. I would rather not know where she stands and the only way to maintain my ignorance is to do nothing and say okay she probably would not like me that way but ultimately I don't know. I can't definitively say she is interested and I can't definitively say she isn't and at this point I do not want to know the answer to that question. I'll just continue reading the opinions of others here since all it is is opinions and they do not know her personally or how she would or would not definitively react. So I think I'm doing the right thing to do nothing until I am ready to know the answer. I tell my friends all the time that if you don't want to know what I really think then don't ask me. Edited August 16, 2014 by Darren2013
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Whether you think it is so, or whether you think it's not so - you're right. Whatever perception you have of yourself, you project and present to the world. If you think you're unworthy, eventually, you will really believe it (I don't think you do yet, I think you're fishing, to a certain extent) and others will see that what you project is actually what you really are. So forget what they think. Work on what YOU think. What other people think is just as important as what I think. I'm not better than anyone else. Part of being considerate of others is to value their opinion to an extent. 1
Tbisb74 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 You are right I may come to find out definitively that she is not interested if I stick my neck out but I'm not yet ready to find out the definitive truth. I would rather not know where she stands and the only way to maintain my ignorance is to do nothing. you're making a big drama out of nothing; a self-defeating mountain out of a molehill. Are you really so insecure that you have to calculate each step, and end it with one to your disadvantage? Why not try looking on the bright side? I can't definitively say she is interested and I can't definitively say she isn't and at this point I do not want to know the answer to that question. I'll just continue reading the opinions of others here since all it is is opinions and they do not know her personally or how she would or would not definitively react. So what's the point of asking us, if you consider our opinions to ultimately be completely worthless since all they are is opinions? So I think I'm doing the right thing to do nothing until I am ready to know the answer. I tell my friends all the time that if you don't want to know what I really think then don't ask me Cuts both ways sunshine; if you really aren't interested in our opinions - don't post the question. Simple really.... eh?
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Because if I get enough opinions that give the impression to not pursue then I will have the reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. I would rather think the worst even if there is a small chance of being wrong.
Tbisb74 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 If you're not taking risks now and then, you're playing it too safe. You will spend your entire life in a fug of disappointment and missed opportunities, because you didn't dare to take a risk now and then. I personally consider that to be at best, sad, and at worst, cowardly. Shame. 2
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Wait... So if this girl asked you out then you'd say no even though you do want to go out with her???? That's exactly right. And if she were to come to this board to tell everybody what I said they would tell her "well he was honest and direct and to the point that he ain't interested". Nobody would ever believe my real reason for declining a date with her in that scenario. But yes even if she asked me out I would get scared and just say I'm afraid that's out of the question.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) If you're not taking risks now and then, you're playing it too safe. You will spend your entire life in a fug of disappointment and missed opportunities, because you didn't dare to take a risk now and then. I personally consider that to be at best, sad, and at worst, cowardly. Shame. Well then the only thing left for me to do from here on out is to look for new things to do and new projects to take on to distract myself and try and get this particular woman out of my head. So the idea that I may be disappointed and regretful? Okay to a certain extent you may be right about that but there are ways to manage that such as the above. Am I going to be able to forget about her once and for all? Probably not but I have the power to do things to think about her less and less and try not to think about how disappointed I am. I'll just view her as an EX girlfriend. If I run into her I'll be civil and limit my contact and keep moving and going on about my business. Edited August 16, 2014 by Darren2013
Tbisb74 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 What exactly has she done to deserve that kind of attitude from you? "I'll just view her as an EX Girlfriend".... why, when you haven't even summoned up the courage to merely talk to her and gauge her interest? Why pre-empt the result and treat her distantly? Why does she deserve such an attitude, simply because you think that she's not worth pursuing? Treat her like a female friend. Not an Ex. Any imagined affection is your imagined affection, not hers. You're the one with the problem here, and it's all self-generated, she has done nothing and played no part, therefore does not deserve to be relegated to a place of distant indifference. Which is ultimately how we treat our Exs.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Because it is quite possible that she will view any interaction I initiate with her from here on out with suspicion. I don't want to do anything that gives her the impression that I like her. Any contact I initiate may look like I'm looking for excuses to be close to her. So I have to pretend that she has a limited contact order against me.
Zeurich Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Other men crying because they are not getting a single chance from a woman you are hiding when you have a chance from a woman,,,, what a world he, how you so sure that you are not her type? Is not that her to decide?
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Other men crying because they are not getting a single chance from a woman you are hiding when you have a chance from a woman,,,, what a world he, how you so sure that you are not her type? Is not that her to decide? I don't want to be attracted to her. It is possible to be attracted to someone and wish that you weren't.
Tbisb74 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Yes. It's called unrequited love. You yearn for something not present. But it's not 'not present' because she has blown you off. it's 'not present' because you have closed down your own opportunities and chances. It's called 'biting your own nose to spite your face'.
veggirl Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I'd think you're a dick who thinks he knows me and my type better than I know myself. What a turn off. You should say it to her, it'll ensure she loses all interest in you and that's what you want, so it's a great plan.
MoreCoffee Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I understand the way you feel and you are more than welcome to the man cave to beat drums by the bonfire. Unfortunately, no women stop by. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 I'd think you're a dick who thinks he knows me and my type better than I know myself. What a turn off. You should say it to her, it'll ensure she loses all interest in you and that's what you want, so it's a great plan. I don't know who her type is. I just know that I ain't it. I don't have to know who someone's type is to know that I am not it. It is arrogant to presume that I am her type. If we are going to presume anything it is better to presume she isn't until proven otherwise.
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