Author somedude81 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 My favourite Disney movie was The Fox and the Hound. I only know the words to one Disney song (that I can remember). My sister, who owned several Disney princess movies, is married. My ex owns all Disney princess movies and knows the words to every single song in all the movies. That's how much she watched them. She definitely fell victim to the idealism, talked about fairy tale romantic love. thefooloftheyear's post really applied to her. Granted she was only 21 so as she gets older, she will probably realize such fantasy doesn't exist in real life. That there aren't any princes.
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I don't believe that when a woman says she wants a man who can handle her it always means she is a spoiled brat who wants to act out. After I grew up & learned to be my self, I embraced the fact that I am a strong, intelligent self-sufficient woman who resented having to pretend to be less capable I am so I wouldn't bruise some guy's ego. So I set out to find a man who could "handle me". While I have the ability to be a drama queen, it's not a card I play However, I'm not going to bow down to some guy just because he has a Y chromosome. On the other hand I'm not one to laud my successes over somebody else's head. I just wanted a guy who could keep up who wasn't freaked out by my intelligence, my decisiveness, my male communications style or my salary. 4
Imajerk17 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) I get heat from BOTH genders for saying this, but I think that both genders' struggles in dating are quite a bit their own making. ***Overgeneralization Alert!*** Many women who say that "men just want sex they don't want a relationship" typically aren't taking enough responsibility for their own pickers. A more accurate statement for such a woman to make is "the men I am into don't want a relationship with me". As in, these women typically hold out for fireworks and chemistry, and then when they meet a guy who can trigger that, they discover that (among other things) he triggers that in other women too, and so he doesn't want to commit. Meanwhile, she might have passed up a few good guys who would be quite willing to be her boyfriend. I mean, look, anecdotal evidence at least says that men are much more likely to consider a second date than women are, and that women online get plenty of attention. I would never suggest dating someone you aren't into, but if you are a woman who thinks men are the reason why you are single, maybe you want to reconsider the guys you are turning down. It's a lot more honest and empowering to say "I'm holding out for something amazing special and rare, and that might mean being single for a while (and turning down good guys in the process) until I find him". Men, however, aren't off the hook either as I see it. Those who say that they can't get a woman into them are not putting themselves out there in the right way, don't have their lives together/are looking for a woman to provide their life "with meaning", and/or are pursuing women out of their league. If these guys would do even something simple like talk to the "average" women they would be happy with that they see in the grocery store, they would be quite pleasantly surprised with their results. I've called a few guys out for this on other threads. Edited August 16, 2014 by Imajerk17 2
lollipopspot Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 maybe you want to reconsider the guys you are turning down. This is perhaps the same presumption that OP has that all women are getting pursued regularly.
William Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) As a reminder, this thread is about why do some women struggle with dating. It's not about which gender has a harder time dating nor about the specifics of any particular member's dating experiences as a thread focus. We have a wonderful consolidated thread to discuss who has a tougher time with dating and relationships and members are free to start threads in the appropriate forum regarding their own personal issues with dating. In fact, our most popular forum focuses on just that! Thanks! Edited August 16, 2014 by William Added link
MissBee Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Not sure what struggling with dating mean, but I'm sure to different women it means different things. I've never struggled to get a date. I've always said if I had absolutely no requirements and just wanted a man...any man...that would be easy. But since I want a specific kind of person to complement who I am, it doesn't come around a dime a dozen....hence if I get 100 dates, it still won't mean it can be a LTR. If I want to casually have fun it's also easier than looking for a man to be my future husband, life partner, father of my children. In my teens and early twenties when that wasn't a huge concern dating was a bit easier in some ways simply because what I require for fun and casual is not the same as what I require now. One thing my gfs and I talk about, most of us are in our twenties, I have some gfs in their thirties, young professionals already in their career or grad students still working towards our careers and we're women who not only are educated, but intelligent, conscious, who have goals, dreams, want to make a difference in the world and what we want in a partner is a man who can meet us where we are and grow with us....it is NOT easy to find that. That's the biggest problem my friends and I have/had in dating. Finding someone on your wavelength or who complements you. But in terms of just getting a date...that's fairly easy. Getting a date with a man you like, who likes you back, where it can go somewhere? Not that easy. I have a bf now though, but for me, bfs are not easy to come by because of what I want. But for other women, like some of my acquaintances who always have a bf, I am always puzzled at this but realize some people just like being with someone and don't think about it too much, so they can hop from man to man like Kim Kardashian...and they are so inlove for now until they find a new one...and I find that hard to understand and figure you simply aren't that picky about love or your heart hence every few months you can be inlove with someone else or can marry three times by 30 and so on. 1
hotpotato Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) This is perhaps the same presumption that OP has that all women are getting pursued regularly. Bingo. If im not on old, I mostly attract vety old men. Maybe I should date one of them for the sake of not being single. Ive never been pursued a lot in my life, aside from horny dudes on pof. It also wreaks of "If only women would leave those evil hot/ desirable guys alone and give other dudes a chance." I got news for yall...Dating less attractive men wont in and of itself solve dating problems! Also, there are plenty of gallant, good looking men. Theyre already taken though... Edited August 16, 2014 by hotpotato
Author somedude81 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 I get heat from BOTH genders for saying this, but I think that both genders' struggles in dating are quite a bit their own making. ***Overgeneralization Alert!*** Many women who say that "men just want sex they don't want a relationship" typically aren't taking enough responsibility for their own pickers. A more accurate statement for such a woman to make is "the men I am into don't want a relationship with me". As in, these women typically hold out for fireworks and chemistry, and then when they meet a guy who can trigger that, they discover that (among other things) he triggers that in other women too, and so he doesn't want to commit. Meanwhile, she might have passed up a few good guys who would be quite willing to be her boyfriend. What I see very often is that women don't seem to understand that the guy who gives them fireworks can and most likely does trigger fireworks for other women. There was a thread a while back started by a female member where she was upset that a gorgeous guy disappeared after she wanted to become exclusive. For some reason it hadn't occurred to her that they guy could be sleeping with other women while dating her. I agree with your other point that while waiting for the fireworks man, a woman could be passing up several other guys who would gladly be exclusive with her, even though they might not be as explosive.
Revolver Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Generally speaking if the only guys your seeing only want sex your probably playing out of your league or your in the same league(or even lower)and he thinks he can do better. Perception is reality. 1
hotpotato Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Generally speaking if the only guys your seeing only want sex your probably playing out of your league or your in the same league(or even lower)and he thinks he can do better. Perception is reality. Or youre meeting guys on pof!
hotpotato Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Generally speaking if the only guys your seeing only want sex your probably playing out of your league or your in the same league(or even lower)and he thinks he can do better. Perception is reality. Ive experienced the opposite. The least attractive guys are often the most sexually aggressive. This shouldnt be controversial, but sometimes a man just wants to have sex.
carhill Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 What I did when I struggled with dating, after failing to resolve the issue myself, was to pay attention to men who were successful with women and watch what they did and compare to my actions and words. Having interacted with some women who were very successful with men, including marrying one, I observed two main factors: They liked men, in general and liked hanging with them, interacting with them, being 'on the ground' with them. I recall, as an example, my exW stopping by a customer's shop numerous times during our regular 'beer night' to have a beer with the blue collar guys and myself and often she was the only woman there and felt right at home. She liked guys, just being around them. They express that they 'need' a man in their life, not in a needy way but in a 'wow, it's tasty to have some male flesh in my life' and project that to the men they meet. Their 'please approach' switch is 'on', reflected in their body language and aura. Men respond positively to this. It's not merely about sex, rather the dance of romance and love. Beyond that, the most successful women I've seen are quite skilled at managing a man in a relationship. They're quite socially aware, read people well and perhaps are even a bit manipulative but not with nefarious ends. Just the right balance of push and pull to keep the man loyal and interested. TBH, I've had few female friends over the decades who struggled with dating; that said, the few who did nearly always had substantive personal issues away from the dating realm, like abuse/molestation/rape survivorship and/or substance abuse issues and now, in later years, health issues like cancer and similar. Other than that, the ones who didn't date didn't because they didn't want to. So, if I had to pen a one sentence response, some women struggle with dating because they experience difficulties in relating to men in a manner which men find attractive or which men find incompatible for a long-term relationship/marriage. Again, I see little of this in my demographic since it's near impossible to meet a single woman. They're all involved with someone, to a varying degree. Most I run into are married. That speaks for itself. 2
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