Why do some women struggle with dating?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I meet 2 single guys per year that are over 30. I would currently class my social life as average as I do get out.

 

Out of those 2 guys, there is usually no interest from either side which is not suprising.

 

In general, with OLD I struggle to meet guys on the same intellectual level with decent careers. This is my no 1 priority and way more important than looks. It seems like intelligent and ambitious guys have their pick of women and are long since off the market OR only into FWB. At this point in my life casual sex has zero appeal.

[somedude81]

She would still have to make conversation.

 

Why can't you just accept that it's just as difficult for some women, as it is for some (not all) men? I haven't responded until now, because of this. You keep saying that we would only have to do this or that, and we're golden.

 

Instead of trying to argue with me, why not contribute to the thread and post some reasons why you think women struggle with dating?

[Anela]

Instead of trying to argue with me, why not contribute to the thread and post some reasons why you think women struggle with dating?

 

Because I've posted about my own troubles, numerous times. I'm not trying to argue with you, I asked you a question.

[Candy_Pants]

The dating part was difficult because men tended to be intimidated by me. So I switched things up and started asking guys out. Which made me even more intimidating it seemed!! Sometimes I was lied to and manipulated for sex.

 

The keeping of a relationship was difficult because guys who dated me thought I was a "bad girl" or something other than who I really am. Even though I wasn't misrepresenting myself it seemed they projected a certain image onto me because of how I looked. Or, they stopped having sex with me about 5 months into the relationship.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

That's just putting the blame on guys.

 

You literally started a thread asking for some of the reasons why some women struggle with dating. I just gave you some. Yeah in the examples I listed it was partially the guys fault but sorry, sometimes it IS an issue with the guy and not the girl. No one's putting the blame on all men here, but lets not sit around and pretend crap like this doesn't happen.

 

 

Why do women accept and offer no strings relationships?

 

Either they hope one day the guy will change and fall for them or a NSA deal is really what they're looking for.

 

 

 

By trying to date guys who want a relationship?

 

What did I JUST SAY!? I said a lot of guys aren't looking for a relationship. That being the case, finding guys who are is in and of itself a struggle.

 

Do women really compete with other women for men?

 

Yeah . All the friggin time. And they're competing with women who are easier than them. I don't mean easy as in slutty either. These days, a woman looking for an LTR, especially a YOUNGER WOMAN is considered "high maintenance" or "needy" by many.

 

Who do you think a 25yr old guy just starting out in his career and his life would choose...the girl looking for marriage and kids or the girl looking for a deep dicking and the odd bit of late night conversation a few weekends a month? The former is just "too much work" for many.

 

 

 

Also blaming men. *snip*

 

Why would a woman stick with a guy like that??

 

Again, not "blaming men", just listing examples. And as far as why a woman would stick with someone like that? See above.

[Absinthe]

From the women I know in real life and one or two that I see post up here I will say a big reason is some women just need to change that strong female attitude. These women are just too much for a real man. It ends up coming off as manly and can be weird for a man. Sometimes to be successful as a woman you need to soften up and be more feminine.

 

ehm, no pal, just because YOU don't like something doesn't mean your entire gender dislikes it.

 

And "real people" don't expect other people to put up and shut up so they can be liked.

 

Back to the actual topic, for me dating is a problem because it's both risky and exhausting. As you get older, the new people you meet are often laden with baggage - and most of it they will hide, for obvious reasons. A few people will have addressed their issues head on, but most will not, which makes dating post-22 a minefield of oddballs before you finally get to a keeper.

 

Unfortunately, I find the wading through of said oddballs exhausting.

 

There also appear to be two types of people (men and women) on dating sites: the ones who want the casual hookup, or their polar opposite, the ones who'll just take a relationship with anyone. In either case, if you're looking for someone who'll actually be, well, a good friend who likes and respects you, you're out of luck.

[joystickd]

ehm, no pal, just because YOU don't like something doesn't mean your entire gender dislikes it.

 

And "real people" don't expect other people to put up and shut up so they can be liked.

 

Back to the actual topic, for me dating is a problem because it's both risky and exhausting. As you get older, the new people you meet are often laden with baggage - and most of it they will hide, for obvious reasons. A few people will have addressed their issues head on, but most will not, which makes dating post-22 a minefield of oddballs before you finally get to a keeper.

 

Unfortunately, I find the wading through of said oddballs exhausting.

 

There also appear to be two types of people (men and women) on dating sites: the ones who want the casual hookup, or their polar opposite, the ones who'll just take a relationship with anyone. In either case, if you're looking for someone who'll actually be, well, a good friend who likes and respects you, you're out of luck.

Lol I see a few of you really never looked at my post history. Anyway he talked about relationships. These women have trouble with relationships.

[Zeurich]

Well I have a very simple answer for your question. All the men and woman on this planet does not match or click as a couple, And most of the men now days looking for sex while a woman at home, or just travel partner , or a golf partner, or just to keep him company because his wife is bored, when most of the men are like that is not that clear enough for you to understand that woman need to struggle to find the right partner?

[SolG]

I think the number one thing women do is to take dating too seriously.

 

I recently watched a doco on the rise of singledom. Apparently it's an ever growing demographic; those that choose to be single up front, and those that choose to remain single after divorce. Interesting that it's becoming more and more common.

 

One guy interviewed who was a 30-something lawyer in New York explained why he was still single. He brought up his online dating profile; he had over one thousand matches within easy cab ride distance. He said he dates three to four times a week and has met some amazing women. However... with the all the choice available, he has just always thought that while this one might be great... the next may just be better. And so on it goes.

 

I think this is something that applies to many men and women when dating. Fear of settling and continuing to hold out for the Mr/Miss Right. Some women I know treat dates like interviews IMO; mental checklist going like crazy to determine if he's prospectively 'the one'.

 

I think we all need to chill a little. Dates should be fun; interactive adventures if you will. Where you get the privilege of meeting someone new that may, or may not turn into someone important in your life. Where's the bad?

 

After all, we all have multiple failed relationships. In fact, many more fail than don't. That's just life. Relationship after relationship ends... until one doesn't :-)

[thefooloftheyear]

From the women I know in real life and one or two that I see post up here I will say a big reason is some women just need to change that strong female attitude. These women are just too much for a real man. It ends up coming off as manly and can be weird for a man. Sometimes to be successful as a woman you need to soften up and be more feminine.

 

Nah.....

 

Id consider myself a very strong male type and have no issues with strong and "agressive" types of women...but I cant speak for all, so maybe you have something there...

 

I think, if anything, women suffer from "grass is greener" and lose sight of what is really important and desirable..Like they may go for a guy that makes them feel good by buying them flowers and always telling them how nice they look, but then lose interest because the guy cant hold down a job...

 

I think women approach relationships with too much idealism..They think like little girls --even well into their middle ages..Like if they arent being "swept off their feet" then their emotional needs arent being met..Then its just wash, rinse, repeat-when reality collides with fantasy..

 

I think maybe the OP is confused because he may think that having a pair of tits and a pussy gives someone the key to the city....well...it doesnt..and most women would likely agree..

 

.02.

 

TFY

[ffw]

I meet 2 single guys per year that are over 30. I would currently class my social life as average as I do get out.

 

Out of those 2 guys, there is usually no interest from either side which is not suprising.

 

In general, with OLD I struggle to meet guys on the same intellectual level with decent careers. This is my no 1 priority and way more important than looks. It seems like intelligent and ambitious guys have their pick of women and are long since off the market OR only into FWB. At this point in my life casual sex has zero appeal.

 

Interesting, I guess you are finding those 2 guys on OLD. If it is then I am not surprise. Wonder on what basis you release whether a guy is intellectual or what you provide to guys to think you are on same level?

[anne1707]

Interesting, I guess you are finding those 2 guys on OLD. If it is then I am not surprise. Wonder on what basis you release whether a guy is intellectual or what you provide to guys to think you are on same level?

 

Based on my knowledge of ES in terms of her qualifications and career then it is pretty safe to say that she is intellectual. That would be clear to anybody she meets IRL.

[Taramere]

Interesting, I guess you are finding those 2 guys on OLD. If it is then I am not surprise. Wonder on what basis you release whether a guy is intellectual or what you provide to guys to think you are on same level?

 

My understanding is that ES works, or did work, in academia in a fairly high level position that required advanced proficiency in mathematics. So objectively, with reference to her accomplishments, she operates at a high level intellectually.

 

In the context of dating, people probably assess intellectual ability far more subjectively. A woman might have an IQ of 155 but be dismissed intellectually by a man with an IQ of 125 because she doesn't share his cultural tastes or political leanings. Vice versa also applies, of course.

[veggirl]

The women I've known IRL who can't get/keep a guy are either women with just unpleasant personalities or drama queens or very unattractive. Personally I don't think most perpetually single women take enough responsibility of the status of their dating lives, if they want to date they are usually blaming guys as to why they can't get one. I'd imagine that type of attitude is pretty off-putting?

 

Of course there are exceptions, some great single women with bad luck! I'd say that's the minority though. Same w/ single guys, if a girl CAN'T GET or keep a guy period over the course of trying for YEARS, there's something amiss somewhere w/ THAT PERSON.

[thefooloftheyear]

My understanding is that ES works, or did work, in academia in a fairly high level position that required advanced proficiency in mathematics. So objectively, with reference to her accomplishments, she operates at a high level intellectually.

 

In the context of dating, people probably assess intellectual ability far more subjectively. A woman might have an IQ of 155 but be dismissed intellectually by a man with an IQ of 125 because she doesn't share his cultural tastes or political leanings. Vice versa also applies, of course.

 

Agreed..that being said..

 

 

NOT referring to any poster when I say this...But quite frankly IQ(and "book" intellect) has very little to do with what type of "smarts" a person needs to be a properly functioning human being in today's society..

 

Some of the "smartest" people that I know can't navigate the most simple of everyday tasks that the regular morons do with their eyes closed..

 

TFY

[SummerDreams]

I've seen a few posts that say that women also struggle with dating.

 

So in my quest to understand women, I'd like to know some of the reasons why dating can be hard for a woman.

 

To me dating covers two topics, 1. Getting a date 2. Keeping a relationship going. I'm interested in both.

 

How are some ways women struggle with dating, and any ideas why they struggle?

 

A woman has many things that make her nervous on a date. She feels she must be not only good looking and have great make up - hair - clothes - shoes - nails etc (while a man can just shave and put on jeans and a shirt and he'll be handsome) but she must also combine many attributes that are conflict with each other. A woman should seem: smart but not too smart so that the man doesn't feel inferior; sexy but not too slutty; experienced but not too much cause she'll look like a whore to the man's eyes; pure but not too much cause the man will lose interest; mysterious but not too much cause the man will think she's cold; spontaneous but not too much cause she'll seem naive or goofy; independent but not too much cause men like to feel stronger of the women and take care of them. The list can go on and on. The easiest and most honest way though is to just show her true self, regardless of the man likes her or not. Sadly men don't realize when a woman is fake cause they tend to forget to use their brains when it comes to women. That's nature though.

[Taramere]

Agreed..that being said..

 

 

NOT referring to any poster when I say this...But quite frankly IQ(and "book" intellect) has very little to do with what type of "smarts" a person needs to be a properly functioning human being in today's society..

 

Some of the "smartest" people that I know can't navigate the most simple of everyday tasks that the regular morons do with their eyes closed..

 

TFY

 

I agree. A high IQ doesn't mean that a person will be capable, effective and switched on when performing everyday tasks (though neither does it mean they won't be). The word "intellect" or "intellectual" does conjure up images of fairly bookish, academic pursuits though.

[Anela]

The women I've known IRL who can't get/keep a guy are either women with just unpleasant personalities or drama queens or very unattractive. Personally I don't think most perpetually single women take enough responsibility of the status of their dating lives, if they want to date they are usually blaming guys as to why they can't get one. I'd imagine that type of attitude is pretty off-putting?

 

Of course there are exceptions, some great single women with bad luck! I'd say that's the minority though. Same w/ single guys, if a girl CAN'T GET or keep a guy period over the course of trying for YEARS, there's something amiss somewhere w/ THAT PERSON.

 

There was something wrong with me, and I've had bad luck. I was considerably less drama, up until a few years ago, and during much of that time, I wasn't trying, because I was focused on sorting out my issues. I hoped to meet someone, but wasn't setting up dates like there was no tomorrow. I was confident that I would meet someone.

 

I got a brand new group of issues to deal with over the past few years, and I gave up - there was no way it was going to happen in that nightmare.

 

I occasionally blame guys, but not always. I own my part, and have written about my own mistakes in the past. I'm not bringing everything up again, in the hopes that I will actually be listened to this time - especially after I've listened to, and empathized with, the thread-starter in the past, and didn't try to make him feel bad.

Edited August 16, 2014 by Anela

[d0nnivain]

As a woman my dating struggles came from various sources

 

As a young girl I was told I was ugly, nerdy, & too smart for my own good. I had a hard time accepting that a boy might like me.

 

I struggled because my girl friends were all hot blondes who garnered the attention when we went out.

 

I was suspicious of the proverbial "guys only want one thing" so I assumed that men who were telling me things I wanted to hear were lying to me.

 

I struggled because if I gave in to what I wanted, some parts of society said that made me a bad girl (at best) or a slut.

 

Like many people of both genders on the nights I went out "looking" because I sub-consciously gave off a needy vibe, I didn't meet anyone & in my mind that reinforced the old insecurities that I was ugly, too smart, & not as sexy or desirable as my friends.

 

Many of those things boil down to low self esteem based on the idea that I wasn't good enough. I don't think that's gender specific.

 

But the idea that all a woman has to do is show up, & she'll be able to get a man isn't true. I suppose women do have it a bit easier than men but simply saying I'll take any man who will have me is not healthy & it will never be the basis for a mutually fulfilling respectful loving relationship.

[No Limit]

Is it that difficult for a woman to find a guy where there is mutual attraction?

 

This is just my opinion, but I believe guys are pretty easy to please when it comes to looks

 

That really depends on the woman. There are many who wouldn't even think of touching someone that doesn't look like a bodybuilder or the highschool-party-studs they used to hook up with.

 

I just realized that you are listing requirements for dating, and not actual issues women have.

 

Just wanted to give you an example. Issues themselves range from low self-esteem to high values regarding material stuff to selfishness to non-realistic expectations. From what I see there are plenty of people, both male and female, who are insecure no matter what they do.

 

Have you met any guys that have fuffiled your requirements?

 

Like I said, I've never gotten past the awkwardly-being-stared-at.

But from the first look did I'd say 60% - 70%. The only guy I know that would be a full 100% is from my friend circle and has a GF, so I've backed off.

 

Why do women feel that they have to compete for men? There are definitely enough men to go around.

 

I can't answer you this question to be honest, I've never had that sort of self-esteem issues that I'd need to go for ONS after ONS. My best guess is that they need it for validation (= Yay, I'm desired!), some twisted sort of feeling like a strong, independent woman (= Yay, I can make men bow down to me!) and of course there's the idiotic-caddish-vile sort that hunts for married men to inflict pain on wives. There's probably more, but that really isn't my world.

[hotpotato]

Well, right now I"m just too content being single. That's a very big hurdle! lol

 

Also, I haven't met many men who made my lift better. I've done most of the work in the past as far as making the relationship work. I'm getting too old for that. I'm not going to put all my energies into that kind of relationship. Most of the guys who might be a better fit are already taken.

 

I got tired of meeting guys and trying to figure out their intentions. Most guys are not forthright, an d I just dont want to deal with it.

 

I'm also very different from most girls.

[hotpotato]

The women I've known IRL who can't get/keep a guy are either women with just unpleasant personalities or drama queens or very unattractive. Personally I don't think most perpetually single women take enough responsibility of the status of their dating lives, if they want to date they are usually blaming guys as to why they can't get one. I'd imagine that type of attitude is pretty off-putting?

 

Of course there are exceptions, some great single women with bad luck! I'd say that's the minority though. Same w/ single guys, if a girl CAN'T GET or keep a guy period over the course of trying for YEARS, there's something amiss somewhere w/ THAT PERSON.

 

My last ex would say I was sooo nice. Then he dumped me after 10 months. He also said I was smart and beautiful. I don't believe that being nice helps. My longest relationship, 3 years, was filled with drama.

 

Now I'm to the point where I believe if a man can't handle me, he can just go. At least I could be myself with the first ex.

[somedude81]

I think women approach relationships with too much idealism..They think like little girls --even well into their middle ages..Like if they arent being "swept off their feet" then their emotional needs arent being met..Then its just wash, rinse, repeat-when reality collides with fantasy..

I believe that Disney is a huge contributor to that problem.

 

Also, I strongly feel that it's not a coincidence that my ex girlfriend knows all the words to every single song in all Disney princess movies...

[Anela]

My favourite Disney movie was The Fox and the Hound. I only know the words to one Disney song (that I can remember). My sister, who owned several Disney princess movies, is married.

[somedude81]

The women I've known IRL who can't get/keep a guy are either women with just unpleasant personalities or drama queens or very unattractive. Personally I don't think most perpetually single women take enough responsibility of the status of their dating lives, if they want to date they are usually blaming guys as to why they can't get one. I'd imagine that type of attitude is pretty off-putting?

 

Of course there are exceptions, some great single women with bad luck! I'd say that's the minority though. Same w/ single guys, if a girl CAN'T GET or keep a guy period over the course of trying for YEARS, there's something amiss somewhere w/ THAT PERSON.

 

How come I can't like a post more than once?