Mysterio Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 In your life. What do you think that the universe has provided for you on a regular basis. From Money/Love/Family/Friendships/Health etc? For me. When I look at myself and how my life has gone. Friendship/Family/Steady job/Health seem way more in abondance than Romantic situations. Its like I really can't force the Romance thing in my life at all. No matter what type of woman comes along. Its almost better that I just let it come to me than chase or try to structure any type of relationship with a woman. On the one hand. I don't have any kids that are not being taken care of or out of sorts with ex's. On the other side. I feel kind of deprived of the love thing. I never meet women that I can develop a fling with. I don't do the Hooker thing. I don't really want a FWBenifit thing as well. I want to have a good old fashioned BF/GF thing with a woman. Nothing more than that. With the potential of it easing into a LTR/Marriage thing. The bottom line is that when I try to force things. They don't happen. I am one of those people that have to wait. I just wish that emotionally I could have that inner temperment. In my mind I feel long over due. So I was wondering what has worked in your life. Let things role or taking the bull by the horns?
amaysngrace Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I don't plan much and mostly just roll with it but as a woman I prefer a guy with some sense of direction who takes the bull by the horns. I see it as a strength that I don't possess. So...what kind of woman do you want to attract is really more the question?
Author Mysterio Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 My perception by Bull by the horns is that a man asks you out and the women is agreeable to it. I think that most men are asking out women that they have no repore with. Then expect the women to be into them. For me. Over the years. I have found most women that respond to be well are the ones that have been around mr for awhile. Not some women that is seeing me for the first time. I could see a woman hesitant for Sex. Yet to go out with someone for dinner. I feel whats the big deal. Nothing is going happen, if its a reasonable time. I feel that men are getting tired of women rejecting them. Its fascinating to figure out. What makes one person reject or become attracted to another person. Its easier for some people to get together. Others its hard. For me when I think about my past from age 18 to 43. The only ones that worked that ended up less stress is the ones I never really pushed to get to know in a romantic way. The ones where I pushed. Nothing major ever happened. Its like Group A are the women that made the moves on me. What they all have in common is that we worked/school/recreation together. Group B are the women that I met randomly at a Starbucks or some place where I was not seeing them on a regular basis. When I assess myself. I have great relationships with my friends/family. With the exception of 3 friends that I am aware of. I don't have any problems at all with the rest of my friends. The 3 friends that I have a problem with are. 1 borrows money and takes too much time to pay it back. 2 does not call at all or when he does its txt/facebook. 3 for some reason finds it really hard to call and is more into his on line games. I am not the only one he does that to. The bottom line is that I feel that at my age of 43. I think that I should have been or met someone and we are steady for the most part. I just think that making that huge effort has never gotten me anywhere. I do the normal things that men are geared to doing. I also don't want to ask out every woman that comes in my view. As it just turns into a lust thing. I am more deep than that. I just don't want to date/have a GF for the sex. I want the sex but not have it be the driving force.
insert_name Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 One thing the last 10 years has taught me is "you don't get if you don't take" - I've just realised too late. I left everything down to fate and, apart from meeting the girl of my dreams waaaay too early in life I've got nothing in return. Now due to a combination of the type of industry i work in and my friends all being settled down it's common for me to go whole years without the opportunity to even meet a girl who may be a potential partner, let alone try and make her more than a random acquaintance. When they say "there's plenty more fish in the sea" I'm definitely one of the guys who's stuck in a desert. So, take it from someone who knows, if you care about such things as relationships, you should definitely not do as i did and entertain wishy washy ideas like "it will happen". I'm sure the people who meet their partners when they aren't looking are a minority (well, the men at least). Men are expected to be pursuers so you have to make sure you are constantly putting yourself in places where you can maximise your chances of meeting people and you will have to make sure you are prepared to initiate conversations rather than wait for it to come to you. It sounds like you have done that without success but at least there have been opportunities, when you leave it to fate you may not get any opportunities at all and that's a tough prospect to get comfortable with.
Author Mysterio Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 I am not a hermit. I do not stay in all the time. I am out there. I talk and socialize with the opposite sex. Its just that I don't try to always try to mack on chicks every time I meet one. If I meet a woman at a party. I will talk to them. I just don't always ask for the number as I don't always want to push myself on someone. My thing is then why does it seem to me that the women that come after me. They just seem more easier to be with. I have never made that first move and its been smooth. Thats my thing. I know friends that have done nothing and have had women in their lives. All the guys I see making all the major moves are the ones that are struggling. Sometimes I wish that having an intimate/romantic relationship was on the down low with me. Once again its not so much a sex thing. Its there in terms of attraction. I just don't want things to be just all about getting laid. For me its more of a rite or passage for me in some ways. It like most of us are all mismatched in more ways than paired up in an ideal way. I don't know if making a concentrated effort to pair up romantically is better than letting fate bring you to someone or vice versa.
Polak Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I think overall it depends... many variables differ from one person's life to the next that may warrant different behavior when it comes to a relationship. So I won't say one works better than the other, but I'll share my experience! Back in the day I used to let fate do its work in the relationship department. I was extremely limited in knowledge in that sector so I didn't even really know how to grab the bull by the horns. In college when my first gf fell into my lap I initially rejected it because I didn't know what the hell was going on. Eventually I learned and accepted it and it was a good experience. 2 years later she left me to marry someone else. After she took off, I thought I had to fill the void so I grabbed the bull by the horns and took to OLD. Met only one girl who turned out to be a compulsive liar and extremely clingy so I dropped her fast and quit trying OLD altogether. Since then I've been happy to go the fate route, not necessarily to see if another relationship "forms", because I'm happy being single at the moment, but rather because it just worked better for me.
JBlackstone Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I think it depends what you are looking for. If you're just looking for a relationship then yeah you can force that but if you're looking for love it will find you when it's time. You can't force it. If you do you end up looking desperate. Even if you think you're playing it cool, your energy will give it away. If you're saying you meet a woman you're genuinely interested then yes Pursue her. You shouldn't wait for her to make the move. But if you're just saying that you never seem to meet anyone you hit it off with then that's a different story.
enternetic Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I find women still expect men to pursue them. Even the ones that approach you, will still expect you to initiate things beyond that. I find that if a girl is interested she will give you a hint, and even if you do not realize it is a hint, as far as they are concerned, you blew it! Even something as simple as standing by you, in their mind, is considered a hint, they are giving you a chance to talk to them. So you have to try, but do not be too cautious about it, or that you care too much about the outcome. But do seize the moment. Moving in at the exact moment they give you a chance, is what they perceive as confidence. A lot of times they will drop the hint at the least comfortable time, like when other people are there, so you have to risk a lot. The greater the risk of embarrassment, the greater your (perceived) confidence. Too soon and too persistent is needy, too late and too little is perceived as wimpy. If you never get any opportunities (hints) you need to work on yourself some. (For guys, having a good body goes a long way) Or you need a venue with less competition.
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