so how does one avoid the friendzone?

[fred123]

im here to learn and be a better guy. i find it emasculating being in the friendzone and seeing the girls i like get with other guys.

 

with that last girl i met online in germany i thought id be more direct to avoid the friendzone but it backfired. i made it clear about wanting to take her on a date. i asked her about doing a long distance rship and even got to the point where i told her how i felt and she reciprocated. she was always messaging me good morning and sending me love hearts inviting me to go visit her in germany. i even said i wqnt to visit u. she said i hope u mean it like u say it. i said ofc im serious about u.

 

but clearly before she flew in she changed the way she spoke to me. i did ask her about us and all she said was lets see how the weekend goes and if it goes well u can visit me in holidays and weekends. i had found tickets to her country but she said i shud wait to how the weeekend in london goes before i book them.

 

this looked like she changed her tone from saying earlier how much she wanted us to work and me visit her in her new flat to lets see how the weekend goes cos u might not like.me fred123

 

the week before she flew in with her friend i tried calling her several times to a) just speak to her cos i liked her and never heard her voice and b) to arrange plans for weekend and if to pick her up from airport i cud do and also wat hotel she was staying at cos then i cud book a room in the hotel too ( easier so we cud spend weekend togather

 

she flew in and dinner didnt take place but she insisted i join them to a club tonight. i had prebooked tickets to the club for all 3 of us.

 

i said im not sure your friend likes me but she said i was being silly amd that i should come to the club with them.

 

i went and they ignored me the whole night and kissed and another boy in front of me. then she gave him her phone and he texted me while i was there saying go away she dont like you.

 

when we spoke months after she claims we were only ever friends and that i was stupid to think otherwise.

 

so thats my story of being friendzoned.

 

question is how do you avoid this situation?

 

should i have been more sexual on fb? would that have made her reject me early on and avoid this. i didnt once talk about sex with her. was being a gentleman

 

should i have laid down the rules that unless we skype we wont meet?

 

should i have insisted we meet on our own for the weekend somewhere?

 

the original plan was to me to fly berlin for a weekend and spend weeekend together with her. we had planned dates and hotel but then 2 days after befire i booked it she said shes coming london now with her friend.

i was shocked cos we had made plans.

[LustAppeal]

Hey I have limited time as of now but I do want to answer your question in the clearest way possible.

 

Over the years I have been working around and researching the dreaded "Friends zone." So when I saw your post I got hooked.

 

From quickly reading your post. It seems like the main reason you were friend zoned was the fact that your main lines of communication were over facebook. When it comes to long distance you need to push for the most intimate way to communicate in order to keep that spark kindled.

 

Normally when this happens there's interest in the beginning, but over time texting becomes just texting, messaging becomes just messaging, good morning texts become a chore, and the future between the two become less and less intimate, and more and more of a struggle.

 

What should you have done in this case?

 

It's hard to give you a good answer with that information. How did you act in person? Do you know how to escalate a conversation in a sexual or intimate way? Do you push out of your comfort zone or tend to stay in your bubble wondering when to make a move? Do you have a problem getting close or opening up to a girl?

 

These are all things that effect the outcome and push the relationship either into the friends zone or into a relationship. The problem with the friends zone is that we often think we're just being too nice. When it's more or less just social anxiety and negative sexual tension kicking in.

 

Negative sexual tension is that bubble you put up stopping yourself from moving in for a hug, kiss, or opening up to her.

 

How do you get over negative Sexual tension? You gain confidence. How do you gain confidence? Experience. Most people don't know how to escalate the interaction until they've been intimate with a woman on a deeper level.

 

Wish I had time to write more, but I am headed to Fish Bowl Friday... Basically this bar takes fish bowls and fills them with booze... It's tradition and I'm late. I'll be back on tomorrow afternoon. Goodluck!

Edited August 15, 2014 by LustAppeal

[preraph]

On another recent post about why does this girl think you are her bf, you posted about basically friendzoning this girl. So the answer to your question here is: Is there any way she could have avoided friendzoning you and is there any coming back from it once you'be been friendzoned. Because the girls friendzoning you are pretty much of the same mindset you are about that girl who's texting you as if you have something going.

[fred123]

Hey I have limited time as of now but I do want to answer your question in the clearest way possible.

 

Over the years I have been working around and researching the dreaded "Friends zone." So when I saw your post I got hooked.

 

From quickly reading your post. It seems like the main reason you were friend zoned was the fact that your main lines of communication were over facebook. When it comes to long distance you need to push for the most intimate way to communicate in order to keep that spark kindled.

 

Normally when this happens there's interest in the beginning, but over time texting becomes just texting, messaging becomes just messaging, good morning texts become a chore, and the future between the two become less and less intimate, and more and more of a struggle.

 

What should you have done in this case?

 

It's hard to give you a good answer with that information. How did you act in person? Do you know how to escalate a conversation in a sexual or intimate way? Do you push out of your comfort zone or tend to stay in your bubble wondering when to make a move? Do you have a problem getting close or opening up to a girl?

 

These are all things that effect the outcome and push the relationship either into the friends zone or into a relationship. The problem with the friends zone is that we often think we're just being too nice. When it's more or less just social anxiety and negative sexual tension kicking in.

 

Negative sexual tension is that bubble you put up stopping yourself from moving in for a hug, kiss, or opening up to her.

 

How do you get over negative Sexual tension? You gain confidence. How do you gain confidence? Experience. Most people don't know how to escalate the interaction until they've been intimate with a woman on a deeper level.

 

Wish I had time to write more, but I am headed to Fish Bowl Friday... Basically this bar takes fish bowls and fills them with booze... It's tradition and I'm late. I'll be back on tomorrow afternoon. Goodluck!

 

thanx for the reply.

 

i didnt have a chance to escalate in person as she was not interested. i tried so hard to call her and skype her but she never had time

[fred123]

On another recent post about why does this girl think you are her bf, you posted about basically friendzoning this girl. So the answer to your question here is: Is there any way she could have avoided friendzoning you and is there any coming back from it once you'be been friendzoned. Because the girls friendzoning you are pretty much of the same mindset you are about that girl who's texting you as if you have something going.

 

sorry i dont understand what you are saying.

[enternetic]

Never tell a girl that you like her or want to be her boy friend or anything like that before you are in a physical relationship with her.

 

 

The fact that you initiated the contact, is all the interest you need to show.

 

 

Once you let her know you were hooked and willing to do anything to make things happen, she lost interest. When you show a higher interest than they have, they feel they can "put you in their back pocket" while they move on.

[GemmaUK]

You can't know whether there is any attraction before you have met someone face to face.

 

If a man or a woman is not attracted to someone when they meet then they are just always going to be a friend.

 

Anyone I have never met wanting to spend a weekend with me would put me off. That to me would feel like they expect a relationship out of me before I know whether I am even attracted in any way.

This is one reason I make it clear that any first meets from OLD are 'a meet' and not a 'date'.

[fred123]

thank you for your replies.

 

i understand i came across desparate and needy and i did reli like her.

 

but she was telling me how much she liked me and wanted me to visit her in her new flat and that she hoped i was serious when i said i want to visit.

 

but when i found tickets to her city she wasnt excited and said why dont you wait until i come london first and if the weekend goes well then you can book them?

 

but before she was keen on me visiting her and then she ssid this. this doewnt sound like a girl who is interewted in me.

then why she says all these things then why i actually find tickets she changes her mind?!

 

also another thing if we were only ever friends like she claimed then what girl says "lets see how the weeekend goes then we can make longer holidays the next time" this implies we are meeting more than friends

[fred123]

also how wud a girl who was interested act?

 

wud she have spent weekend together by ourselves and not fly in with her friend?

 

wud she not have wanted to skype me all the time?

 

wouldnt she have wanted me to visit her in her new flat and be excited that i found tickets to her city if she meant wat she said " i want you to visit me, i hope u come"