biogal Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 So, I was really great friends with this guy for 3 months, hanging out almost every single day and then we started hooking up. We were FWB for 3 months after that and went on vacation for 3 weeks together. About three days before the vacation ended, he said he was going to get back together with his ex and we should stop hooking up because he was starting to feel like we were a couple. I was bummed and got kinda distant and quiet for about an hour after that because it took me by such surprise. But then we went back to normal and had dinner like nothing had changed. We didn't have any arguments or anything, we just kept on being friends and vacationing together as friends. We still slept in the same bed and cuddled while sleeping, but we no longer kissed or touched or had sex or anything. Sometimes when we slept I would wake up during the night and feel him kissing the back of my neck but I didn't move or do anything because I didn't want to cross whatever line there was. When we parted at the airport, we hugged each other goodbye for a long time and then he said that we would hang out again soon and that he was going to miss me a lot. I said I'd miss him a lot too and that I had a great time with him. A couple of days when I got back, my pocket knife was missing so I sent him a quick email saying 'hey, how are you?' then I asked if he had seen my pocket knife and said that I missed him already and to take care. A week later, he still hadn't responded. I saw him on facebook and I sent him a message just saying "hey, I just wanted to know if you have my swiss army knife? I couldn't find it in my bag after our trip. I hope you are well!" and he read the message and then he unfriended me! I sent a text right after saying "why did you unfriend me? Did I do something wrong? Are we not friends anymore?" and he never responded. I don't understand what happened. I thought we ended on such good terms and now he seems to hate me. I don't care that we aren't hooking up anymore but I really hate to think that I lost him as a friend. I figured when he said he was going to get back together with his ex it meant that we wouldn't hang out one-on-one anymore, or at least not for a few months, but I never thought this would happen! I'm really upset because he had become my closest friend these past six months and now it seems like he doesn't even give a crap about me. Can anyone tell me what I did to cause this? Or does anyone have an idea what's happening? Is our friendship really over forever or do you think there's something I can do to fix this? Thanks in advance for your advice and sorry for the long post
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 Oh dear you have been cut out because of the ex but he is most likely to make a reappearance at some point so you make sure you treat him the same when he does x
Ajen Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 You haven't done anything. He probably finds it easier to not have any contact with you at all. Maybe his ex didn't know he had a relationship with you and that you went away together. Maybe she doesn't like him speaking to you. Try not to think too much about this as there isn't anything you could have done differently. Just leave it and let him be.
Author biogal Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 thanks for your advice. It makes me feel a bit better to think that it's not something I've done. But it still just doesn't make sense... I can understand his ex not wanting him to talk to me, but since we were such close friends, wouldn't it make more sense for him to say that he didnt want to talk to me for a while rather than to just ignore me and unfriend me? That's why I worry I did something wrong. He's so nice and we were so close that I feel like he would have at least been nice enough to tell me that he didn't want to talk anymore.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 He wouldnt do that as his ex would have told him to ignore you and any communication from him could open those lines... he also probably doesnt know what to say to you... when it cuts so suddenly they usually make a reappearance so you need to work on letting him go so if/when that happens you are in a place to cut him out x
jb82 Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 It sounds like he got busted. Maybe she intercepted the text and put her foot down for no contact. Or, if not, he in in love with her and trying to be on the straight and narrow. In that case I would say you should respect that & let him go. He obviously is trying to act as though your relationship never existed. As you knew you were FWB from the beginning, be a friend and don't try to mess this up for him. I have had to cut people out for the sake of relationships and it is always call blocking and facebook defriending mainly because talking to them just makes the situation worse, particularly when the other person has shown relationship interest. It's a pocket knife - doesn't that sound like a stretch to you? It sounds like the oldest trick in the book & that's probably what he's thinking. And keep in mind he was on vacation with you when he decided he wanted to be with his ex which is just weird. Buy a new pocket knife & decide to forget about him, too. Small price to pay..
Author biogal Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 I guess it does sound like that and for sure I wanted to touch base with him, it's hard to go from talking and seeing someone every day to not talking to them at all especially when supposedly you haven't ended your relationship as friends, you've just stopped having sex. But also, the pocket knife cost me over $200 so I really want it back so I wasn't so much using it as an excuse as I was sincerely asking about it. But yeah, you're probably right, it probably has to do with the ex. They had actually decided to get back together months before our vacation, when she moved back to our city, she just moved back early and he decided to tell me towards the end of our vacation because he said he felt guilty. I still think it's a weird way to treat a supposed friend though. If he just told me he wants time apart to fix their relationship before we start talking again, I would have understood. Flat out ignoring me just seems mean
mightycpa Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 We still slept in the same bed and cuddled while sleeping, but we no longer kissed or touched or had sex or anything Why not? It's tough to be an FWB, isn't it? You must have a deep personal intimacy and honesty to keep things on an even keel. I think you should have talked directly about this... like, YOU: Look, we have three days left on our vacation, do you want to still have sex? I do, and I have to tell you, I'm a little surprised you didn't tell me about this before we left. I could have brought another guy instead of you, if I knew you were going to bail on me. Or I could have gotten used to the idea. The least you could have done was to let me know so I could decide. Plus, we are NOT a couple, but I can see how you might feel like we are. Don't spring stuff like this on me again. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ It never ceases to amaze me how you girls will let us do all sorts of things to you physically, but you feel embarrassed to speak plainly about the terms of this kind of relationship. You might not actually be ready to have a true FWB.
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