Lovestruckk87 Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 Alright, so I was dumped a week ago. I was living with my ex and we were just hitting the two year mark and much like everyone else I was getting the kids talk, and the marriage talk. I was in heaven, I thought I had finally found the girl. We started out dating long distance and that wasn't a big deal, we would skype all night, text all day and it was amazing. By month 3 we had decided it would be great if I would move down to NC to live with her and her cats(I love my cats!!). Anyway, our relationship had far more ups than downs. The areas where we were down were honestly my fault. I know when you date someone they always say its not just one person, but in this instance it was me. About halfway through our relationship we ended up adopting 3 more cats and we basically were banking on being together for ever. Life was as they say perfect, or as close to it as it can get. Now here comes the details, last December she went out of the country with her family, it was my first time being alone on christmas away from anyone really as I babysat our cats. The first few days were great, but by day 3 I fell apart. I would text her cryptic messages hinting at a break up, I guess to be blunt, I wanted her attention because I had never been truly alone, I was a very immature selfish person. Somehow, someway she found it in her heart to forgive me and move on, and things got even better after that. Fast forward to June, her friends came to visit (which I had helped set up due to it being a surprise). I wanted her to get some "me" time with them as she never really went out to much, as a matter of fact I think we spent to much time together, we never got to be on our own a lot. The first night her friends were there we were all drinking and having a good time, we we got into an argument and I blew up on her saying, "The only way out of this relationship for me is if you cheat on me." She was upset, but I had realized what I had done so I walked out in front of her and her friends and said look, I am very sorry for what I said. This is your guy's time to have fun, I am being selfish and I need you guys to have a great time while youre here. We all made up, everything was good until about 2:30 am. I awoke when they arrived home, but they did not know that and I heard friend A telling my girlfriend at the time about how she should give her last ex another chance and to break up with me. It sunk my heart because I knew her last ex meant a lot to her, so I bottled it up, and laid in bed until my ex came and talked it out with me. Things got better but in my opinion never truly recovered. We would go out several more times and we had many great nights out in public until one night we went out with her coworkers, and I just wasn't feeling the greatest so I tried to push through it for her because it was a big deal for her to see we can have fun. Well, I was quiet and didn't talk much and the night ended up being kind of a disaster, and my ex assumed I didnt want to be there, all it was, was me just not feeling the best and I tried to explain it to her but it wasn't good enough. The beginning of July she said I need to drive home, and it was over. I begged and pleaded and for some reason she gave me a chance, she went back to being more lovin than she had been in the past and I thought it was great. A few weeks later she got really drunk and "broke up with me" again, and the same scenario followed, the next day remorse and taking me back and things were good again. Rewind to last Friday, we had just bought a ton of groceries, she had made the comment we arent going anywhere for awhile, and she loved me. Well she came home from work early as we were planning on driving back to Michigan to visit family. She walks in and says I want to leave now, and I say no problem! Lets roll!! She looks at me and says you know what I mean, you knew this was coming, so I packed about 1/4th my stuff and left because she was in a hurry to go. So as we speak I have about 5 grand worth of things in our old apartment. On the way home, longest 13 hour car ride by the way, it was light we made jokes, we touched each other it didn't feel real that she ended it. She dropped me off, I got out and got my stuff, she got out and kissed me deeply twice, said I love you twice and left. I recieved a text 30 mins later saying shes home safe, and that she loved me again. I woke up the next day and didn't speak to her(this forum taught me that from a prior girl) and she messaged me around noon asking how I was, telling me how our cats were doing, and even talking about how pretty this or that place was. She asked me what I was doing that night and I just said nothing, and then she said she was going to a male friends. Well we talked a bit up until about 9 and I let her go do her thing because I wasn't about to be the crazy ex. The next day, I once again NC her until about 9 at night when she text me telling me how great it was to see her family and how happy they made her, and she closed it out with an ILY. The next day we didn't talk at all really, just a what are your intentions, and why are you acting one way, one day and another the next. Heck, she even started saying "OK" instead of "okay" it was the strangest thing Ive ever seen. She was also very confusing one day being loving, and the day we talked on the phone being so very mean to me. So now we are at I think Tuesday, she came over to drop off my laptop and we just had a talk and basically she went over why we couldn't be together and I just accepted it. Two things stuck out to me the most, One was that she said we don't get each other, like a couple should. Sometimes we have to explain things to each other and it shouldn't be that way. Then she said it takes about a month for her to truly start to miss somebody, but I don't want that to happen and be like Just kidding we can be together. So I walked her to her car, she held my hand and pulled me in and kissed me twice and said she loved me again and left. Wednesday, I let everything sink in and I sent a one and done email to her explaining my rebuttal towards certain things she said that kept us from being together. She ended up calling me, and bitching me out and she ended up changing it to another reason that we couldn't be together. In the long run, I do feel my immaturity did about 85% of the damage and thats why we never recovered. Later that night, she was out drinking with her girlfriends and my grandma who has been very sick was rushed into the hospital, I tried to talk to my ex about it, and she said "OK" so I just said wow.... and left it at that, she ended up blowing up my phone saying thats not how she meant it and if I need someone to talk to, shes there for me. I went to bed and said thanks. Yesterday, I didn't speak to her at all, shes been viewing my snapchats a lot, and she texted me at 4:13. I didn't respond and just let it go becasue I know that was the best course of action. Its not Friday and I still have not responded, I want to so bad, I want to talk to her because I know the errors in our relationship are fixable, I acted like a dweeb in public and to her family, once each. She told me I was embarrassing Also, she doesn't just throw around words like soul mates, etc. On one hand, I don't know what to do, on the other I do. I read into things, a lot and I look at us buying all that food that she can;t eat, and my stuff being down in the apartment, as maybe there is hope. I just want her back, I have learned my lesson. This girl is honest, loyal, and so very intelligent.
mightycpa Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 (edited) Well, don't kid yourself. There is a 99% chance this thing is over, given her perspective. Like just about everybody else who has posted on this forum, you can do the back and forth thing, and stretch the ending out over weeks or months, or, you can go get your stuff and be done with it. It will feel like torture either way, except that when you end it and go NC, you will bear the torture alone, and you won't get to torture each other. There are no easy choices. You will read meaning into every little meaningless thing, and you will wonder and play "what-if". It sounds like you need to work on yourself a little before you go work on her. It sounds like she's feeling some turmoil too, and you don't want to be with someone where you're just waiting for her to drop the next bomb on you. It sounds like that's what she'll do. I was about to suggest you go get your stuff and go NC and ride out the storm. But then, I thought back to my own experience, and it occurred to me that I've done it both ways. The NC way was the hardest thing I've ever done. Even though I dated new girls after a while, I obsessed for a long time over the ex, and the pain and longing seemed to last forever, at least a few years. But the benefit was that I learned a lot about our relationship, and myself, and I made a ton of improvements as a result. I came out of that a much better me. When I did it the other way, I dated girls much sooner, but I'd also go see the ex, and we'd talk, and cry, and separate and get back together, and I cried every day for about 6 months. Then one day, I didn't love her any more. It was a lot easier, but I didn't go through all the introspection when I did it that way. There was no time for that, and I could ask her all my questions directly, and express all my emotions directly. I didn't learn a damn thing. Maybe I didn't love that one as much, I don't know, but in hindsight, the torture session came to a much quicker end. Your mileage may vary - I don't know if you would experience it that way. Just about everyone who reads this will disagree, and suggest you go NC right away. Isn't that right, folks? Good luck, OP. Edited August 15, 2014 by mightycpa
Author Lovestruckk87 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 Well I've been a failure. Falling for bread crumbs and all that jazz. Still have yet to take the 13 hour drive to get my stuff back. The ex talked about how im very over dramatic still and that I take things way to seriously and I need to relax and start having fun. Trying very hard for nc. As far as I know there's no other guys and we've skyped. Just gotta hold on to my sanity and keep working on myself. Hope for the best and let me heal in time. The. I'll re evaluate what I wanna do.
Author Lovestruckk87 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Seems like im finding out new things each day, apparently her friends helped sway her opinion of me which sucks, and she also said dont even bother tryin to get back with me its not going to happen. Theres nothing you can do or say. To which then I joked, oh I ill give it one more attempt, and she shut that down real fast. We skyped for a few hours. It really sucks knowing I was a piece of **** to her, but it was my fault, I was emotionally abusive, and at least I am taking the time to clean up my life. I had the world, and I through it all away. Shes drinking a lot, and talking to a lot of guys...so who knows...she claims shes ready to date and shes not fazed. This sucks, I made a ton of progress and blew it, and I still need to get my stuff from her which will have to wait for awhile as I am moving to another state. I really ****ed up bad here...I need NC.
Chi townD Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I really ****ed up bad here...I need NC. Yeah, no sh*t, really?!?! Dude, you really need to read the NO CONTACT guide on this forum and follow it!!! I have a feeling that if she gets curious and texts "Hi!" You would be all over that! Dude, time to move on.
Author Lovestruckk87 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 You are right sir, and I am staying strong, no contact thus far...it hasnt been long at all but a little progress none the less... Realized something when her and I were skyping, in June she had put a password on her phone, now its gone..I knew she was hiding something. Just gives me more reasons to realize I can do better, and don't need/want her in my life. See ya!
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