WesternWizard Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Wow... I've heard from some women that a prescription muscle relaxant (e.g., Flexeril or 6 others) stops those cramps cold. Muscle relaxants WILL make you a bit loopy, though... still, it's worth it to ask your doctor.
preraph Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Some people have horrible time of the month. Horrible. Stay in bed, miss work horrible. That said, I think it would be perfectly reasonable if she didn't want to spend one whole day of her day or days off taking kids to an amusement park. 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 My periods are quite regular in onset and duration but the degree to which they impact my life fluctuates like crazy. Some months they come and go quietly. without so much as a cramp or a mood-swing, others I'm in so much pain I can hardly function and my patience with people is shorter than Danny DeVito. Nevertheless, during my period I HATE being touched in any way whatsoever and if your girl has any sort of mood issues when menstruating it's probably best she didn't go. Also, no matter how mild it was I probably wouldn't be in the mood to go to an amusement park - especially not on the first few days which are usually the heaviest. I'm sure you are quite concerned for her heath and what have you but she has a right not to feel like having to deal with noisy rides, screaming children (not just your own), sticky heat, long lines, greasy food and endless walking on her period. Sorry. 2
Quiet Storm Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 My periods have been bad and the doctor's solution was the pill, which I refuse to take because it kills my sex drive. The reason I got my tubes tied was so I could avoid the pill. So it may be that she knows what the usual treatment is and has decided a few days of pain is tolerable compared to surgery or medications side effects. I have found improvement with a bio-identical progesterone cream. I use Dr. Randolph's Natural Balance cream. You can buy it online and it helps by making it more regular and less painful. It also helps with the emotions and hot flashes I would get right before my period. 1
newmoon Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 it's probably not even medical. maybe she just doesn't feel pretty/feminine during that time and she knows you'll want to be intimate or touch her, etc. and that is not something she wants. i have cancelled dates because of a period, not because i'm in pain, but because i was hoping to wear something super pretty and felt i didn't "feel" like that, etc. if only men got them you'd have some sympathy. if she hasn't been to a doctor in 10 years then it's not medical, she probably just feels less than happy. it's normal, but perhaps ask her next time when she is expecting her period so you don't plan awesome activities near/around it. most bf's know when it's that time so get in tune with her.
aprilisi Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Forgot to mention, some women get diarrhea before or during their period. That can certainly put a damper on their mood. My friend doesn't actually bleed, she just has these horrible clots, big ones, and clots can also be very painful to pass. She's having a hysterectomy next week. Like a previous poster said, doctors will just tell you to deal with it, take birth control pills, or take out the organs. My doctor first mentioned a hysterectomy to me when I was 26. No medical reason really, just to help the heaviness. I am now 37. But with the scarring from the endimetriosis getting worse I might have to soon. Again, no medical reason, but the pain is not bearable. 2
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I've had terrible periods most of my life. They were much better during child bearing years. The cramps are debilitating, the flow has been so bad that I have to be near a restroom at all times and driving to carpool and back could cause problems. After 40 they may be regular or they may last ten days only to return in four days. I've had an ablation before which helped for a year or two. I've had vacations ruined. Imagine spending a day in the slopes with that problem or off snorkeling. I'm too high risk for the pill though I've taken it for long enough to regulate periods when a big trip is coming. As much as I despise it, I'm not ready for the problems that will occur from a hysterectomy. It's really God awful but I can tell you nothing ticks me off more than for my H to act out off by it when I'm the one who lives with it. Enjoy your time with your kids and bring her a souvenir. 1
FitChick Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Ask if any female family members died of uterine or ovarian cancer. Perhaps that is why she's afraid to see a doctor. If that's the case, tell her to look on the bright side. At her age her doctor might suggest hysterectomy which would solve her problems. Freedom! 2
Treasa Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 <----Endometriosis-sufferer Imagine not being able to go for more than an hour without having to check whatever chair you're in for blood because you bleed THAT severely. Imagine bleeding so severely that your iron level is half what it should be, and when your doctor finds out, she calls you in a panic and tells you to go to the ER and get a blood transfusion, which you can't have because you have bad veins and horrible anxiety. And then imagine pain so severe that you're doubled over, unable to really move, are so bloated that your fingers feel like sausages, and you're pretty sure a ninja is trying to kick his way out of your groin. Unless you suspect that she doesn't really have her period, I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt here. 4
Treasa Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Ask if any female family members died of uterine or ovarian cancer. Perhaps that is why she's afraid to see a doctor. If that's the case, tell her to look on the bright side. At her age her doctor might suggest hysterectomy which would solve her problems. Freedom! Hysterectomies bring their own set of problems, though. They aren't really the carefree bliss some people think they are. 2
maysj18 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 How is she the other times? Periods are awful and here's the kicker: horrible periods that need medical intervention are not easy fixes. Hysterectomies can be debilitating. It's a massive surgery with risks and sometimes includes the removal of ovaries which means having to take synthetic hormones for the rest of your life. Many women say they never felt right after. It's scary. The other option is starting on the pill which can cause horrible side effects. I experienced anxiety attacks, weight gain, acne, and other symptoms before I found the right pill. The emotional symptoms can come in the form of depression, anxiety, and anger. It only lasts for a day or two and isn't a real psychiatric disorder so to speak so you just have to ride it out. You just don't know what it's like is the bottom line. Her not going to the doctor is none of your business either. It's costly and can evoke fear in a lot of people. What if she is really uncomfortable with OB appointments? It's not a walk in the park and can be very overwhelming for some women as you can imagine. It sucks that your plans got messed up, but she's not having a good time either. It doesn't sound like she is breaking plans all the time so I think you need to let this go. 2
Allumere Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I think you have gotten a picture on how extreme they can really be. I have fibroid and cysts but so far beyond the times a cyst ruptures (holy crap, who shot me!) my life doesn't get disrupted (and I am not on BC). But you know what...I really can't feel sorry for her when she has done absolutely nothing about it and because of that point, I think you have a right to be annoyed. Yep, it is her issue but it is affecting you. So what, does she expect you to deal with this the next 15 years if y'all end up together? One thing if there is nothing to be done but because of her doing nothing..ah NO! She hasn't been checked in 10 years? Well I hope she has at least had blood tested for STDs. Just as a warning, she could have HPV and if you have slept together then you could now be a carrier. She wouldn't know unless she was checked! Certain strains are pointed to as the cause for cervical cancer...I have forgotten details but look it up.
MidwestUSA Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Hysterectomies bring their own set of problems, though. They aren't really the carefree bliss some people think they are. Mine has been. I can't think of too many drawbacks. I kept my ovaries, that helped.
Author eotdevice Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Wow thanks for all the insight. I had no idea that much pain and discomfort was so prevalent. I have two sisters that never had any issues nor former wife and girlfriends so this is new to me. Well the day went very differently then I thought. Just as we were leaving for the park my gf texted me and asked if she could still go. Of course I said yes! We modified what we did, she didn't go on any rides which I totally understand. my boys could do many on their own, 9,12, and 14. We all kind of waited on her hand and foot taking many breaks and relaxing while walking around the park. At the end she said she was very glad she came along. And I thanked her for going above and beyond. My kids and I got to bond with her more, we shared some good activities creating some new memories. Thanks to all for making me more cognizant of the issues you ladies go thru each month. Now that I am more aware I can work a little harder at being a good partner during monthly cycle. 8
Treasa Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Mine has been. I can't think of too many drawbacks. I kept my ovaries, that helped. I wish my mom's experience had been like yours.
aprilisi Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 My cousin had one about five years ago, she kept her ovaries too. She loves it, but I also have friends that are in misery. She had a dermoid cyst, the kind that can grow skin, teeth, and hair. It was huge, but non cancerous thank God. They typically are. My cysts have been small so far most go away on the own. Have had a few burst. I have an ultrasound every 6 months to keep track of them
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I have pretty severe endometriosis and my periods are awful. Like Tresa, I lose soooo much blood that my iron is permanently low (despite taking supplements every day for years). I feel really faint and weak during the first couple of days (which I think is due to heavy blood loss - you don't want to know how much ) and am on mega doses of pain killers. I do go to work even though I don't feel well but I cancel social activities. You are being insensitive. 1
carhill Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 OP, you're both in your forties and you apparently have three children from a prior M/R. You know life is imperfect. Roll with it. Sure, changing plans or leaving GF at home on short notice can be frustrating. That's OK! You can feel frustrated, roll with it and move on. I presume this GF you've been dating for over a year is someone you want in your life. People have stuff. Accept the stuff, work the frustrations as a team and what happens, happens. My exW occasionally had periods, especially as she approached menopause, that were quite debilitating and she simply mentioned it, I asked how to handle, and we worked it out. If we were traveling, that could mean she took a day or two of quiet time at the hotel. If she missed a gig, yep, she did. That's OK. Again, life is imperfect. I get the sense your GF is trying, though she does appear to have some fear or disdain for medical help/advice. Again, a team issue. This presumes you love her and wish to continue your lives together. Work that out and move on. Good luck! 3
Zeurich Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Hello friend I am now thinking do you ever want to date woman again after you read all these menstruation comments? Just kidding, you really need to settle with her man not here because we did not cancel your amusement park date friend! Good luck hope you find a way to sort this out!
Smilecharmer Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I'm glad she got to go with you OP. She must really like you to go but be unable to ride rides.
FitChick Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Hysterectomies bring their own set of problems, though. They aren't really the carefree bliss some people think they are. Mine was and so were the experiences of friends and relatives. Wish I'd had it done much sooner. Years before, I saw an herbalist who cured my endometriosis, by the way. You might investigate. 1
GemmaUK Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Wow thanks for all the insight. I had no idea that much pain and discomfort was so prevalent. I have two sisters that never had any issues nor former wife and girlfriends so this is new to me. Well the day went very differently then I thought. Just as we were leaving for the park my gf texted me and asked if she could still go. Of course I said yes! We modified what we did, she didn't go on any rides which I totally understand. my boys could do many on their own, 9,12, and 14. We all kind of waited on her hand and foot taking many breaks and relaxing while walking around the park. At the end she said she was very glad she came along. And I thanked her for going above and beyond. My kids and I got to bond with her more, we shared some good activities creating some new memories. Thanks to all for making me more cognizant of the issues you ladies go thru each month. Now that I am more aware I can work a little harder at being a good partner during monthly cycle. Sounds like you learned quite a bit in this thread. Any man open to learning and listening is a good man in my book...and your gf knows this too. All these things written in this thread have made me feel 'normal' I am on treatment for endometriosis (when I can bear to take it). When I do take the treatment (which is supposed to stop my periods completely) I can go for 5 months solid having a period or I can revert to periods every month or three. Each being vastly different. When I am having a period I can be fine one moment and unable to move and trying to catch my breath the next. I refuse to be off work but I have been known to cancel plans. I am also massively more sensitive all over in the lead up to and during a period. Even someone touching my skin can actually hurt! Any other aches and pains I have are all more sensitive. I also get terrible stomach issues. I think many women try their best to ride through it but sometimes you just feel so rough that being social is hard. Even eating, walking and thinking is hard! I'm glad she made it for the day..good for her! I'm also really glad she chose not to go on those rides...her head and stomach would have been spinning all day without a ride on top of it all! Just bear in mind that sometimes she can cope and sometimes she can't and one hour can feel hugely different to the next. Medication or not, this probably won't change. It hasn't for me. She also wants to be that happy person when she is with you and if she is feeling that sick she knows she can't consistently keep up a front that she is alright. She has opened up to you and shown that side of her. It's because she trusts you. Plus she has also shown that if she thinks she can ride it through, she will. It just depends on how bad each period is and she has no control over that. I would say too that she probably did bear in mind when she thought her period would come and figured it would be after the day out and she would have been OK. She might be becoming a bit irregular with her periods which can happen whether she is on the pill or not. Or, if the day out was arranged when she was perfectly OK it may not have crossed her mind as to how bad she might feel. Pain is an amazing thing and easy to forget once it's not there.
aprilisi Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I will lay in bed when the edometriosis is at its worst telling myself how AWESOME it will feel when the pain is gone. It actually seems to help me mentally. lol Actually had to cancel a date last night because it was so bad. Gotta say it wasn't as bad though. The pain used to start over a week before my visiitor. Now it's a few days. Was two days this time
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I have been dating a woman for about 14 months we get along well and enjoy each other's company. We are both in our 40s. We live separately and go on dates and hang out a few times per week. Back in March I had tickets to a comedy show (Cosby). She ended up having her period arrive a day or two before and we ended up having a miserable time. She was uncomfortable and just dragged the whole date down. She wouldn't even let me kiss her, hug her, or hold her hand during the date. While the cos was great I got really discouraged by her actions. We talked about it and I somewhat understood but not being a woman I don't totally get it. Now today we were scheduled to go to an amusement park with my three kids. This is a big deal for my kids as it is the one big fun trip per year we take together as my kids live with their mom. Well my girlfriend had her period arrive last night and cancelled on us. My youngest has been talking up her coming for weeks as he wants to get to know her better and my other kids wanted her to go for the fun too. I am extremely disappointed, discouraged, and flat out mad at her right now. My kids are going to be disappointed when I tell them. While I understand getting a period can be tough, after having a period for say 30 years is it really something that should affect her life so much to prevent her from going? One additional item I have asked her to go to the ob/gyn for months now to get a check up and see if there is something she can talk to the MD about to help regulate it but she continues to delay. She hasn't been to that md in over 10 years! Frustrated. Assuming she's telling the truth, some women really do have very painful, uncomfortable periods that keep them at home/very limited in where they can go and what they want to do. If this is the truth, don't take it personally and suggest she get medical help.
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I will lay in bed when the edometriosis is at its worst telling myself how AWESOME it will feel when the pain is gone. It actually seems to help me mentally. lol Actually had to cancel a date last night because it was so bad. Gotta say it wasn't as bad though. The pain used to start over a week before my visiitor. Now it's a few days. Was two days this time My ex-fiancee had endometriosis that quite often crippled her times out for shopping, dinner, and other outings. She went through plenty of medication and was told to skip getting her period.
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