kalanga1 Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 Hello, My girlfriend broke up with me three months ago. Our relationship of four years was not in the best condition. During 1.5 months, I have not spoken with her. After that, I sent a message to talk about things that she put on facebook that could be misunderstood by my family. The conversation went well, I realized that those fb posts had nothing to do with me, and I was satisfied. After that, she started talking to me, because she started thinking about our good times. we discussed what went wrong during the four years, and what needed to change for everything to go right. Things were going well after that, we gained some of the passion that went missing. The real issue here is me and my feelings. During the month and a half we were apart, she spent some time with a guy, she says that nothing physical happened but she felt a passion,some nice things the guy said messed with her, she says she was emotionally destroyed and that dude eventually took advantage of that, and she went along with it. I do not know details of what really happened, i don't know if she tells me the truth or not, but she is a woman of principles, and that's for sure.But, i will not stick my hand on fire for her... Saying this, I am insecure. I know that during the month and a half she did not owe me anything, but I feel a little betrayed by her passion for another guy. Is it possible to fight for this relationship when I have so many doubts. Is it normal? The confidence in what she says will comeback again??
Pendragon Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 It's normal to have your trust in her go down after a break-up and time apart. The more times two people split, the closer it becomes for a reconciliation to be impossible because of the lack of trust. Reconciliations are possible (although rare) but I feel the 1.5 month period of NC was too short for a four-year relationship that was rocky. It's possible that the issues of the relationship were addressed during your contact but not actually fixed (especially with her situation). Both on your end and her's.
Author kalanga1 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 I feel like i had the time to think about what went wrong. But she was too busy talking with the other dude... I even somehow started to get my closure , but then she started talking to me again ... Her path was breaking up-> passion for a dude - > getting back... My fears are that she ia Just going back to what is familiar....
eching Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 Hi kalanga1, I don't know if you've heard of the 3 stages of love? (Link to BBC Science) It's lust, love, and attachement. They are 3 different stages and one therefore associate three different people with each at the same time. My guess is that your ex was in the lust stage. Check out the article, it explains it better.
harrybrown Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 Has she stopped all contact with the other guy? If not, time to move on and leave the relationship in the past. 1
Author kalanga1 Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 Has she stopped all contact with the other guy? If not, time to move on and leave the relationship in the past. As far as i know, she stopped all contact. But all i have is her word. We have been seeing each other since last month so i guess that if she keeps speaking with him, she is hiding it well
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