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Posted

I decided that I needed to break up with my bf of over 3.5 years. We had been living together nearly the entire relationship in my house. The situation is weird to me, like this is his home but I don't think it's appropriate to live together. I have never had anything like this happen before. So he is going along day to day in this house, and then all of a sudden he has no gf, no home, no bed, etc. This to me is painful. I almost wish it was his house so I could leave and not disturb him but I can't.

 

I don't know what to do to make this better. I run over and over about letting him stay as a roommate but I know that isn't logical. It is so awkward right now. He says he will find a place (and obviously he had a life before me so must know how to do this) but do we set a time line? How is this handled? I do want to buy him out a bit, like maybe pay his first month's rent or get him some furniture or something. Is that tacky?

 

I just don't want this to turn into a thing where we exist in limbo until one of us starts dating. I do not believe that we will "hook up" during this period - I don't believe either of us really wants to. But I do see us still eating dinner together, watching TV, etc, much like during our relationship. This is not healthy in my opinion but is so comfortable and it produces good feelings for both of us, I can tell. I am not sure what to do to stop this. Has anyone dealt with this & how did you handle?

Posted

Kick him out. It's the only thing you can do. But give him some notice to find a new place.

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Posted
Kick him out. It's the only thing you can do. But give him some notice to find a new place.

 

The end of August seems like a generous helping of notice.

Posted

Hand him a eviction letter stating that he has a certain amount of time to find another place to live.

 

It's the fair way to do it but make him understand that he better start looking because your not changing your mind.

 

When you feel uncomfortable in your own home, then changes need to be made.

Posted
I decided that I needed to break up with my bf of over 3.5 years. We had been living together nearly the entire relationship in my house. The situation is weird to me, like this is his home but I don't think it's appropriate to live together. I have never had anything like this happen before. So he is going along day to day in this house, and then all of a sudden he has no gf, no home, no bed, etc. This to me is painful. I almost wish it was his house so I could leave and not disturb him but I can't.

 

I don't know what to do to make this better. I run over and over about letting him stay as a roommate but I know that isn't logical. It is so awkward right now. He says he will find a place (and obviously he had a life before me so must know how to do this) but do we set a time line? How is this handled? I do want to buy him out a bit, like maybe pay his first month's rent or get him some furniture or something. Is that tacky?

 

I just don't want this to turn into a thing where we exist in limbo until one of us starts dating. I do not believe that we will "hook up" during this period - I don't believe either of us really wants to. But I do see us still eating dinner together, watching TV, etc, much like during our relationship. This is not healthy in my opinion but is so comfortable and it produces good feelings for both of us, I can tell. I am not sure what to do to stop this. Has anyone dealt with this & how did you handle?

 

 

Wow, ok, so as someone who is currently in your boyfriend's position, but can also remain objective, I really don't think you necessarily have to "kick him out" if you think he's the kind of guy that has it together enough to take care of himself. Depending on where you live and how hard it is to find a place, I don't necessarily think that he's also going to want to stick around in pain, but of course I don't know him. Depending on when you broke up with him, I think it's fair enough to check in with him and see what he's doing or how much effort he is making to find a new place. For example where I'm living right now, it is ridiculously difficult to find a new apartment, and my ex is aware of this and knows how hard I am working to try and move out cause it's not like I still want to live with her when she dumped me. If after a couple of weeks things become too unbearably awkward living together, then I think it's fair that you ask that he stays with friends or relatives if he has any in the area.

Posted

You know, Zzyxx, there's nothing like living a couple of weeks in a car to help you figure out how to get a better roof over your head.

 

Believe me, I've done it, and it is incredibly motivating. Better options start appearing out of nowhere!

 

Where do you live, anyway? And how do you pronounce that?

Posted
You know, Zzyxx, there's nothing like living a couple of weeks in a car to help you figure out how to get a better roof over your head.

 

Believe me, I've done it, and it is incredibly motivating. Better options start appearing out of nowhere!

 

Where do you live, anyway? And how do you pronounce that?

 

Haha, I'm sure that is true if one does indeed own a car. If not, it gets tricky ;)

 

I've had a big problem with identity theft and online privacy stuff, so I'm a bit reluctant to stay on a forum that is as public as LS is, but I live in a major city in Europe right now. And it's pronounced like it's spelled haha :) Just sound it out and it's probably right.

 

No, I mean, I don't know the guy. If he's an a-hole, or a leech, or did something really horrible then of course she can and should kick him out, but if he's a decent guy and it's not horribly painful or awkward for her to give him a few weeks or a month to move out then I think it's just treating someone the way we would all want to be treated. But of course the devil is in the details. If he's really not making any effort to find a new place, then yes she should kick him out, but if he was a pretty decent guy for most of the time and it's her decision, maybe she shouldn't go nuclear if she doesn't feel it's necessary.

Posted

I did not break up in 3.5 years so hard to say how to deal. you want to break up, and still you care how he feel is not that the meaning you still have feeling for him?

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