Darren2013 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Do you run a background check on someone that you are interested in meeting when you do online dating to make sure they do not have a criminal record? I think that's important and I certainly do not mind a woman running a check on me because I don't have anything in criminal nature to hide. The only ones who would be offended are those who have something to hide. If you have nothing to hide you would understand the other person's point of view. They don't know you and need proof that you are a law abiding citizen. As a matter of fact I would almost consider it a red flag if she did not run a background check on me. If she is willing to meet me without investigating me then it gives me some insight as to what would happen if we got married and she was thinking of hiring a contractor to do projects on our house. Would she take precautions and research this contractors reputation to make sure he doesn't have bad marks? The point is we feel better taking a risk on those who have a good rapport in their history. Or what if we have children by accident? Is she going to just hire any babysitter without checking them out first? Is she going to do checking on our children's friends? So no I don't want her to take my word for it that I am a law abiding citizen. I should be put through the same checking as anyone else just like employers do background checks before hiring someone.
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I always at least Googled the person & looked for red / flags inconsistencies. One guy said he was a lawyer so I called the bar association to verify. After getting burned I would also check for a judgment of divorce if the person told me he was not longer married. If I found something suspicious enough that I thought I needed to hire a private investigator, I just assumed it wasn't worth it & moved on. 2
Candy_Pants Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 The only ones who would be offended are those who have something to hide. This sounds very familiar....
Gaeta Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I google them and look if they have a FB. If I had ran a background check on every man I met OLD it would have ruined me considering I have met close to 150 men in the past 3 years, sometimes organizing 3 dates a week with different prospects. You don't need to run a check up on someone you meet for a coffee in a public place that you will likely not see again. If you want to run a background check keep your money for later when you actually build a lasting rapport with someone and are considering committing to this person. 4
Author Darren2013 Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 I google them and look if they have a FB. If I had ran a background check on every man I met OLD it would have ruined me considering I have met close to 150 men in the past 3 years, sometimes organizing 3 dates a week with different prospects. You don't need to run a check up on someone you meet for a coffee in a public place that you will likely not see again. If you want to run a background check keep your money for later when you actually build a lasting rapport with someone and are considering committing to this person. But some people develop strong feelings and love at first sight on the first date. It is good to get information as early as possible as we don't know just how fast the feelings progress. Not everyone falls in love at the same pace.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Paranoid Android, why dont you put your efforts into becoming a police officer.. I dont have a criminal record but I would not date someone that tried to check me.. how invasive take me at face value or jog on! 6
BlueIris Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I googled people and did court records searches if we started seeing each other regularly. But then, I require 10-panel STD test results before sex, and LOTS of men bailed at that request/requirement. So that was a great screening method. Maybe at a couple of months I’d do a full background check, and I’d expect he would have done so too.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Hmm...background check? Sounds a bit extreme for a first date. I'm all for being safe when dating but that can come from chatting it up with someone for a bit and asking questions BEFORE meeting. Googling them is also fine and almost expected these days. The rest of it comes from having common sense and making smart choices like where you meet etc. But to police check EVERY potential date? Well, if I'm honest, that seems to warrant some red flags of it's own. 4
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 They bailed because you ripped all the fun out of any possible future! I honestly hope that is a tongue in cheek post! lol I googled people and did court records searches if we started seeing each other regularly. But then, I require 10-panel STD test results before sex, and LOTS of men bailed at that request/requirement. So that was a great screening method. Maybe at a couple of months I’d do a full background check, and I’d expect he would have done so too.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Well dating is alot like hiring someone for a job. When it comes to reviewing applications employers do a background check to verify how well this person can be trusted. That first date or even the first few phone calls and emails can be analogous to in person interviews as well as telephone interviews. In most cases the woman is the employer and the man is an applicant interested in working for her.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Well dating is alot like hiring someone for a job. When it comes to reviewing applications employers do a background check to verify how well this person can be trusted. That first date or even the first few phone calls and emails can be analogous to in person interviews as well as telephone interviews. In most cases the woman is the employer and the man is an applicant interested in working for her. Ive heard it all now lol u think a background check is going to show if they cheat? What on earth does it have to do with a relationship unless it is violence... every rose has a thorn all you are doing is causing yourself grief not to mention making yourself look like an insecure, untrusting wreck! 1
MissBee Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I don't. Doesn't it cost? Anyway, no I have not. If you seem suspicious I just avoid dating you but otherwise I go in with common sense and eyes and ears open. I may Google you but that's about it, I don't do an official background check.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 If I found out you had run a background check on me I would not pursue it any further for the simple fact that if you went to those lengths before you knew me then what sort of stalker would you be if it didnt work out 2
MissBee Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Also, with jobs the employer TELLS YOU they will be doing a background check. They don't do it secretly. It is an upfront process that this will be done. Being a law abiding citizen is really a given for me in dating. To date I don't think I've dated any convicts; however, someone's dating history is more important and unfortunately there is no dating background check that you can find out objectively before proceeding...so all you can do is ask questions, use common sense and keep your eyes and ears open about any red flags. So what if they aren't criminals? Most likely your date will not be a criminal but doesn't stop them from having a history of cheating, stds, lying to their partners etc which are the actual things which will most likely come up as problems in your relationship than their criminal record.
central Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I never have, and wouldn't unless something triggers my suspicions. I don't think anyone has ever checked on me, either. If someone did check early on, I'd probably consider them paranoid and dump them if I found out. If things get serious, then perhaps it's justified. I would want to be told first, though. I might decide to save you the money by dumping you if I think your judgment is questionable, but if you have good reasons I can be reasonable, too. I would probably also want to do my own check on you as well in that case. Fair is fair, as they say. 1
littleplanet Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Do you run a background check on someone that you are interested in meeting when you do online dating to make sure they do not have a criminal record? I think that's important and I certainly do not mind a woman running a check on me because I don't have anything in criminal nature to hide. The only ones who would be offended are those who have something to hide. If you have nothing to hide you would understand the other person's point of view. They don't know you and need proof that you are a law abiding citizen. As a matter of fact I would almost consider it a red flag if she did not run a background check on me. If she is willing to meet me without investigating me then it gives me some insight as to what would happen if we got married and she was thinking of hiring a contractor to do projects on our house. Would she take precautions and research this contractors reputation to make sure he doesn't have bad marks? The point is we feel better taking a risk on those who have a good rapport in their history. Or what if we have children by accident? Is she going to just hire any babysitter without checking them out first? Is she going to do checking on our children's friends? So no I don't want her to take my word for it that I am a law abiding citizen. I should be put through the same checking as anyone else just like employers do background checks before hiring someone. Yowsa! Just a tad of a tidbit of risk aversion here, no? A little book I'm reading at the moment talks about the current bunch of Americans who have something or other felonious on their track record. That little bunch now adds up to something upwards of 15 millions. I suspect that's an awful conservative low estimate. (double? triple?) I guess they'll all have to find their sugar the old fashioned way. Many of them denied the right to vote (after serving debt to society) legal employment......jury duty......educational assistance.....housing...... .......and now we'll just add love to the list. It's a hard world. My mate never needed my bonafides run through the Washington post, the CIA, FBI or any other institution served and protected by the police state. She just opened up her eyes and ears and paid attention. (using all her smarts.) I kinda always liked how that works!
isisisweeping Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 My background check would have nothing but that's weird. I don't even google at first. Maybe at some point bored I might, maybe. I only meet them, get to know them, and if I suspect something then I do not date them.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Some ex convicts are good at throwing off suspicions so the only way to know is if they have a criminal record. If we applied this principle in other areas of trusting others until they give us a reason to suspect something then we wouldn't do checks on someone who wants to do work around our homes.
Andy_K Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I don't. I can find out everything I need to know by spending time with them. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Some ex convicts are good at throwing off suspicions so the only way to know is if they have a criminal record. If we applied this principle in other areas of trusting others until they give us a reason to suspect something then we wouldn't do checks on someone who wants to do work around our homes. When u find the perfect world, full of perfect people let me know, until then I think u will remain untrusting, suspicious & very unhappy 1
ascendotum Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Paranoid Android, why dont you put your efforts into becoming a police officer.. I dont have a criminal record but I would not date someone that tried to check me.. how invasive take me at face value or jog on! I agree, but you likely wont know, unless they get pushy on knowing your birth date very soon. And why should OLD be any different. While there are scammers on there, they reveal themselves pretty quick when it comes to asking for money. People would never do a ONS if they were that paranoid. Going back to some guys place after only knowing him for an hour or two is even more riskier imo. There is Tinder app hookup likely murder in the news where I live now. People fall in love with people they meet at parties, or at meetups or at the park or at a music gig or at a night club or at a sporting event, or at the gym, on cruises, etc.and it works out fine the vast majority of the time. It would annoy me that me that women I meet like that feel the need to do a background check on me because she had a stranger danger paranoia, unless she has a bad luck history of ending up con artists, and gf beaters.
Strength in Healing Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Crazy, paranoid society. Sad. It especially irks me for some reason because I AM law enforcement. I have access to everyone's information and records and still choose not to INVADE PEOPLES PRIVACY. Sad society. 4
Sunfire73 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I check court records to make sure he's not married
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Crazy, paranoid society. Sad. It especially irks me for some reason because I AM law enforcement. I have access to everyone's information and records and still choose not to INVADE PEOPLES PRIVACY. Sad society. Do u have the uniform? ;-) lol x
Strength in Healing Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Do u have the uniform? ;-) lol x Lol I do criminal investigations. I have a badge and gun, but wear suits.
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