Author Phillygirl27 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 Why salvage things if he's just a fwb? Because he was my friend before the fwb. We've known each other since October. I want to still have him in my life even if it's just as a friend.
Eivuwan Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 If you really care about him, then the best thing to do would be to leave him alone. He feels more than just friends about you and keeping in contact would just hurt him. You can apologize for your part of the immaturity if you want, but if you don't want to be his gf, let him be.
Author Phillygirl27 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 If you really care about him, then the best thing to do would be to leave him alone. He feels more than just friends about you and keeping in contact would just hurt him. You can apologize for your part of the immaturity if you want, but if you don't want to be his gf, let him be. Even if I was okay with being his gf, if he won't tell me how he really feels or ask me to be his gf how exactly would that work? Like I said I'm ok with being his gf, but if he can't ask me or be direct about his feelings I don't really know what to do...
Eivuwan Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 During this time he unloaded a lot of his feelings for me, but it was more of an indirect thing(I.e I had liked you all last year or you just don't know how great you are etc). He talked to me a lot about his life, shared with me. And then we had sex. Afterwards I asked him if we were still going to do the fwb. And he said that me and him would hang out regardless. However that fwbs never end well. And that he's never dated a girl he's done an fwb with. He then alluded that it was up to me what out status was, but since I was a bit confused about why all the sudden he was shying away from the fwb. He said that instead of the fwb me and him should just keep hanging out and see where it goes. He said he hates titles anyway. Then we cuddled some more and then I left. What more information do you need? It's 2014, we don't need to wait for guys to ask us out. Edit: Although at this point, it's uncertain how he currently feels about you. But relationships are all about risks.
Author Phillygirl27 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 What more information do you need? It's 2014, we don't need to wait for guys to ask us out. Edit: Although at this point, it's uncertain how he currently feels about you. But relationships are all about risks. I get what your saying... But the edited part is why I'm hesistant... Being that he thinks i'm awkward now, and weird, and immature, and a host of other things, I'm not sure if I should just wait it out a bit, and give him a couple of weeks of space before proceeding, and then sort of see if he'll be open to hanging out and depending on how it is when we are together physically, maybe I can try to bring it up. I just don't know... I don't really like asking men out... I was always told that when a man really wants a woman he'll let her know that by asking her to be exclusive as soon as he can. When he doesn't, it can set up a woman up for being with someone that is just luke warm... It's hard to let this belief die, because deep down I question why he said he just wanted "to hang out and see where it goes" versus asking me to date. I might be overthinking it, but just feels like he isn't ready yet to be committed.
Eivuwan Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 I get what your saying... But the edited part is why I'm hesistant... Being that he thinks i'm awkward now, and weird, and immature, and a host of other things, I'm not sure if I should just wait it out a bit, and give him a couple of weeks of space before proceeding, and then sort of see if he'll be open to hanging out and depending on how it is when we are together physically, maybe I can try to bring it up. I just don't know... I don't really like asking men out... I was always told that when a man really wants a woman he'll let her know that by asking her to be exclusive as soon as he can. When he doesn't, it can set up a woman up for being with someone that is just luke warm... It's hard to let this belief die, because deep down I question why he said he just wanted "to hang out and see where it goes" versus asking me to date. I might be overthinking it, but just feels like he isn't ready yet to be committed. I think you're BOTH guarded, back and forth, and hesitant. That's why it failed. Now it's up to you to decide whether he's worth your emotions and efforts. There's no guarantee and no right or wrong answer.
GildedLily Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 Please back way off this guy, I think you are getting some bad advice, he's not interested. He is weirded out by your direct style, it's time to leave this one alone.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 Girl. I don't know how old your friends are, but asking a guy for feedback about your sexual performance is damn awkward. I realize this has been covered already, but I had to chime. It reeks of insecurity and puts the guy in an uncomfortable position. I am 33 now, but I remember when I was in my early 20s a guy asked me the same question, and I really didn't know what to say. It was a turn-off, though. Anyway, I'd back off now. Leave it alone. I don't think the two of you are cut out to be FWB together. Too many feelings and expectations involved. Leave him alone for a while. He'll get in touch if he wants to re-initiate contact. 1
Author Phillygirl27 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 We are both 27! And yes I know he was turned off by the question. But he's called me awkward and weird at other times as well when I asked or told him other things in the past. In other words he already knows how i am and like I said ive asked for feedback in other realms and he was always ok to give me advice. We have been friends since October and there have been plenty of occasions where he's told me I'm weird or awkward. That wasn't hurtful(since he's said it before and I've acknowledged it) as much as it was the fact that he made me feel immature for asking it. In one of his messages he said if I want to hang out or chill he still wants to but, just no more sex talk. So I'm going to assume that based on what I know about him if he was really over it, he wouldn't have snuck that part in. However I know that in the past that of he ignores someone it means he needs space. I'm not going to initiate contact with him. I figure when he's over it he will call. I will not continue the fwb with him though. Thanks everyone!
MoreCoffee Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 He needs to grow up. Discussing sex shouldn't cause this type of reaction. Europeans already think Americans are off our rocker when it comes to human sexuality, this sorta proves it. (Originally from Olney)
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