Pickmeup Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Today is my birthday and I tried so hard not to let my separation spoil my day but I miss him so much, he did buy me a card and a present (well vouchers - previously he always put thought into buying me something) but I can't have what I wanted. I wanted to spend my birthday with him, be in his company laughing having fun and to hold and kiss him. Just like I have for the last 20 years. This has just been the saddest and hardest day of my life. I hate this place I am in - 3 months down the line from separation and it feels like week one again. I think it's because I have finally allowed myself to accept it, it's over. I have stopped thinking he will come round, he will come back, he cannot walk away from 20 years together. Reality is - he is walking away form it without trying to fix it and I cannot change a thing. I hate feeling sad for myself, so low and tearful all the time. The grief is overwhelming and I want it to end. I have to go to work tonight (with him) we are self-employed and work together - I have to toughen up and hold back my tears by this evening. Seeing him breaks my heart, I have lost him and it is torture.
Raena Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I don't have much to offer except some virtual hugs ((((pickmeup)))) Ending a relationship is always hard... especially when you still have to see the person over and over again. Is there anyway to get out of the business with him so you don't have to see him in your face all the time?
Author Pickmeup Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Thank you for the hugs :-) - this site helps me loads. Now I have accepted it;s over, the next step will have to be how to handle the business and the finances. I had hoped I could cope with seeing him, it felt the better option than never seeing him again but at the moment it just churns me up all the time. We hadn't faced the issue of the business before as originally he just said he wanted "space" he didn't know how he felt anymore but thought I should get on with my own life as it wasn't fair to keep me hanging on. 3 months later and he doesn't need to confirm how he feels I can tell, he is doing just fine on his own and I need to give up the hope. So I am wiping away the tear stains once again, plaster on a smile and off to face him and our client's like I am the happiest girl in the world.
Sweeetie Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 First, Happy birthday The fact that he bought you a card and a present is a very good sign IMO- ex's wouldn't do this unless they have some lingering interest in you, especially men. See what happens when he sees you on this special day. 1
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