SYLLPalmer Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 thats rubbish. i made my intentions clear from the beginning and got played. i ended in the friendzone. how is that possible?!! What she said is true. However it is one of many factors requisite to the capture of a girls heart. If he is hot and sexy and smart and makes me laugh but never flirts I turn friendy. And if he becomes an important friend I won't squander that should he get the gaul or suddenly cultivate his own interest in me romantically. Friendship is more solid with less risk and good guy friends are hard to come by IMO. At least for me because I don't dig sports.
fred123 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Yep, this. This is what annoys me the most about 'nice guys'. If you're genuinely doing it as a nice gesture without feeling entitled to anything 'in return' then it's all good. a guy wouldnt do the things i did just to be friends so that doesnt make sense
fred123 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 What she said is true. However it is one of many factors requisite to the capture of a girls heart. If he is hot and sexy and smart and makes me laugh but never flirts I turn friendy. And if he becomes an important friend I won't squander that should he get the gaul or suddenly cultivate his own interest in me romantically. Friendship is more solid with less risk and good guy friends are hard to come by IMO. At least for me because I don't dig sports. you havent read my threads
SYLLPalmer Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 you havent read my threads Why would I? This isn't even your thread. I was responding to your post. That does not require me to review your threads. 1
Moonborn Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 you havent read my threads What are you trying to do here exactly? I understand you may be bitter because of your past experiences, but having this negative attitude towards it does you no good. Try to see where you went wrong, learn from your mistakes and improve. You cannot control other people's actions. All you can do is try to become a better person yourself.
GoodOnPaper Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 thanks for the quick feedbacks guys, i wasn't exactly wondering about my position per se, jsut thought i'd start off with an example and would be cool hear more and similar stories about other people that are in the same situation (wondering if being needy or being "nice") cheers! My last two or three months of college, I dated a girl who was a sophomore and when I graduated, things were left in limbo but I had the vibe that she didn't want to continue things. I moved several hundred miles away to grad school and contact that summer was sporadic. I did fly to her hometown to see her once and again, things were left in limbo and I had the vibe that she didn't want to continue things. A couple months after that visit (with little contact since), I found a message on my answering machine from her saying she was in a bad car accident and would be in the hospital for about a week but she didn't want me to come see her. I rented a car and drove down to see her anyway -- I figured why would she bother to call me about this if she really didn't want to see me? I stayed a few days and helped take care of her in the hospital-to-home transition. At the end of visit, she broke up with me and that was that. I don't know if I would call this "needy" -- after all, I hadn't really made much of an effort to keep an LDR going. But one of my most glaring "nice-guy" qualities was jumping into relationship mode with a girl too quickly. As you can see from this story, I would take on a premature sense of obligation because I thought it was the "right" thing to do. In some cases when guys seem "needy", could it just be that he doesn't have a good sense of how to handle the earlier, more casual phases of dating and relationships?
morbot_k Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 People confuse being nice with being kind all the time. Nice is just being polite and pleasant - without much emotional investment or even worry about the other person. I'm nice to the waitstaff. Kindness is acting out of compassion and empathy. It when you understand what someone is going through and act in a way that is more about supporting them, more about alleviating their pain and making and effort to bring them a bit of happiness...with no expectation of anything in return. If you do something kind for someone, and they never thank you or acknowledge it, and it bothers you, then it really wasn't an act of kindness. It was act of niceness. Which is perfectly ok too, and a great thing. But it's not truly magnanimous.
fred123 Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 im trying to be better and im learning all the time. im just honest. maybe i was needy myself but girls confuse me
giblesp Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 Hi People I was just reading some random magazine and an article about guys getting put into the friendzone came up so i wanted to start a thread to let people share some thoughts what do you guys constitute as being needy, and what is being "nice" to try to woo the girl/guy of your dreams. E.g., for myself i once drove a girl i was attracted to 30km to the airport for her flight at night (which was the opposite direction of my own home) just to see her and say bye. Needy or friendly? please do share your other ideas, both guys and girls :cool: If you feel like driving a girl to an airport and that's who you are, then be yourself and do it. If the girl doesn't like who you are then she's not for you. You don't get much time in this life to be anybody but yourself.
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