How did YOU do it-announce the break up?

[licenseplate]

I am interested in hearing your stories of the actual break up/divorce conversation. Date, time, location, actual words used, the conversation that followed and then physically what you did, ie: packed your bags and left; stayed in the home umtil one of you found a place etc.

 

I am struggling with this, and your stories and experiences would be helpful. My situation is pretty umdramatic-no drugs, booze, violence etc. just two middle class,people marries for 23 years who have drifted too far apart to return. I am the male half and need to move on, she swears she loves me, yet hates everything about me.

 

Thanks

[JFReyes]

After a 10 year committed relationship (but we didn't live together) I called to say hi and was told "I don't really want to talk to you anymore". I had sensed the aloofness for 2 months prior, but thought it was due to the rough time I was going through because of unemployment. So I told her "Ok, as you wish." and hung up with a broken heart. That was a year ago. Last month I broke NC and persuaded her to tell me her feelings straight out and she texted "I love you in my own way because we had great and not so great times together, but I'm not in love with you. I have no romantic interest in you. It's better if we don't communicate so you don't get the idea there's hope." So that's that, I got my closure. Now I can move on with my life and start healing.

Edited August 14, 2014 by JFReyes

[hellischrome]

I had three breakups in my life - the first one I was very young (about 18), and it was easy back then: you just say sorry, I am not in love with you anymore and it's all gone. That person will suffer for a while - but actually after that he decided to do an exchange year abroad and his life changed - he is one of my closest friends now.

 

Second breakup I was 25, living on the other side of the world, decided that after 7 years I was more interested in the new guy I was banging (I am terrible, I know), and told him things weren't working, and that if after 7 years he didn't want to make a move towards living with me (either here down under or back home we were done. That has been pretty easy for me because I already had someone else but I felt guilty for a very long time.

 

Third breakup, this time for the first time I have been the dumped. I will be 27 in 3 months, I live on the other side of the world for work with no family and he has been my family for the last two years. He was just exhausted for our countless fights, too tired to go on, too tired of the kind of person I am (I am fire, my way to solve things is to discuss them until I see the core of it, he's the opposite) and we slowly ate each other until the moment, two days ago, that after another huge big fight he just said we were done. Now he wants to be my friend but ah-ah guess what, I have friends, I don't need another one.

 

 

Giving bad news and receiving bad news is always awful, what I can say from both sides is that people deserve explanations but also deserve the right to be left "alone" with their pain. Because pain will leave you at some point.

 

What I am happy about in this moment is that being dumped "forced" me to reach out for my family and now they call me everyday and maybe they will even come visit (they have never been here where I live).

[jb82]

My most recent breakup story was me getting a little tipsy and then dissolving into tears about how unhappy I am and how I don't think I can go on for another day of this unhappiness. I used detailed examples of how I've felt (though not how he acted - tried to stay away from blame). I think he pitied me enough to let me go through with it without protest, but he is still here so we'll see how that goes.

 

I had a terrible longer term break up probably 7 years ago. I found out when his girlfriend called me to see if we were still together because she thought he was cheating on her. Cheating on her. The thing is I do think that we had stayed way past our prime and this was just a symptom of it. I admit I held on too long trying to fit a square into a circle (story of my life). We broke up when I basically told him that he needed to choose and he couldn't. I asked him to never speak to me again and he didn't - I mean ever, to this day. That was the worst part, really. But this is very much unlike your situation and probably unrelatable.

 

But I will say I don't think there's any easy way to have the conversation, other than just deciding to get it over with. When I have these discussions it is like I am floating outside of my body, the amount of detachment I try to feel. It is surreal, particularly after years of build up, to have it all out on the table in a few minutes. But keep in mind there is no taking that back.