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is it okay to ask an ex where you stand with them?


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Posted

My ex and I broke up two years ago but have been friends in regular contact for the last two years. (We live in separate countries - it was a long distance relationship). We share similar interests, have a lot in common, and thats the only stuff we really talk about, its very platonic chat (just the odd casual catchup).

 

He recently got involved with someone else... been about two months now, which is perfectly fair and expected, we've been broken up long enough. (Weirdly he randomly texted two days before that popped up on facebook, telling me about how he was going to the slopes with a friend (most likely her) and was cracking up to himself about a funny incident we had there back in the day where I nearly went off the mountain.)

 

Anyway, when I saw the new relationship status, he was still trying to talk and I didnt reply for a few weeks as it felt a little disrespectful.

 

I'd since given it some thought and I figured there was probably no harm in having a chat here and there. So I dropped him a line about something that I know he would have been keen to hear about. I did also ask him how he was and how the house was going that he had been building.

 

Anyway he read it that day but never replied. This was over a week ago now.

 

I feel like I'm doing something out of line, though I dont see any harm in ex's having the odd platonic chat... He always said post breakup we would be friends again (as we were originally) and he has followed through with that up until now and I guess now I fear that this is going to change a bit. Ive been told by his family members (who Im close with and who stay in touch) that apparently he's not so sure bout this new girl and neither are they.

 

Should I just disappear and leave him alone? or is it acceptable to ask him outright if our chats do need to come to an end? Just want to know where i stand thats all, but don't know if its bad ex-girlfriend etiquette to ask... I keep thinking its okay because we have been friends but I dont know... it still sounds needy to ask doesnt it...

Posted

I wouldn't analyze it and I wouldn't dig for clarification.

 

I am friends with 90% of my Ex's and it mostly involves nothing more than the occasional touching base.

 

But asking where you stand with them would just be opening a Pandora's Box that doesn't need to be opened.

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Posted

yeah I know your right... just one of those pet hates, people that dont reply to simple things. For some reason its just really got under my skin.. dont know why. Prob best to leave it though I guess hey...

Posted
yeah I know your right... just one of those pet hates, people that dont reply to simple things. For some reason its just really got under my skin.. dont know why. Prob best to leave it though I guess hey...

 

Interesting, given this in your original post:

 

Anyway, when I saw the new relationship status, he was still trying to talk and I didnt reply for a few weeks as it felt a little disrespectful.

 

I think he's just following your example.

Posted

I think I'm in some sort of contact with most of my serious exes. I would never ever ask where I stand with them, regardless of their status, and I'll admit I reduce whatever limited contact I have when I'm aware they are in a relationship or married.

 

I'll also admit I'm really bad at reading texts and FB messages yet not responding right away. It doesn't bother me when others don't respond immediately.

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