brokengla55 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I'm in a relationship with a great woman. While packing boxes for a move I found what looked like a photo album. I was curious and realized instead it was a journal she kept. Unfortunately I was too nosy for my own good and in it found out about something she did years back that has made me look at her in a completely new way. I have been unable to get my mind off of it. I feel terrible for crossing that boundary - but I am unable to move past what I have found out. Any guy would be lucky to have her. SHould I just suck it up and keep quiet in the hopes that eventually I will get over it?
genuinelyloverly7 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Pandora's book, huh? Well, I have to say that this is something that would have probably made it's way to the surface eventually, and if it bothers you this much now, how much would it bother you so far down the road? Your going to have to weigh that against how much you want her as she is NOW in your life. And I think that if you decide you can't stay you should be honest about why but don't be brutal (like if it was a promiscuity thing don't call her a used-to-be-slut; not saying you would but you get my extreme example). She deserves to know it's not something she has done, or something she could change. But if she is all that, I might also examine why this thing bothers you so much that your willing to let go of a good woman over it. In fact, I'd suggest this on top of all the other actions you could take. I hope it works out. 3
Supernatural Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I'm in a relationship with a great woman. While packing boxes for a move I found what looked like a photo album. I was curious and realized instead it was a journal she kept. Unfortunately I was too nosy for my own good and in it found out about something she did years back that has made me look at her in a completely new way. I have been unable to get my mind off of it. I feel terrible for crossing that boundary - but I am unable to move past what I have found out. Any guy would be lucky to have her. SHould I just suck it up and keep quiet in the hopes that eventually I will get over it? WHoa whoa whoa!! You can't tell the story, and then not tell us what it said!! What did it say? Give us the end of the movie man! 5
Dork Vader Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Well what was it? It's hard to give advice with out knowing details. That said if she was just promiscous a few years ago or before you met.. Let it go.. A persons past doesn't pertain to who they are today. The only thing that matters is what they are NOW. If you found she cheated on you a few years ago.. I'm not sure what to tell you. I'd be done because how will you ever trust her again? But when you break up with her just be honest.
Author brokengla55 Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Pandora's book, huh? Well, I have to say that this is something that would have probably made it's way to the surface eventually, and if it bothers you this much now, how much would it bother you so far down the road? Your going to have to weigh that against how much you want her as she is NOW in your life. And I think that if you decide you can't stay you should be honest about why but don't be brutal (like if it was a promiscuity thing don't call her a used-to-be-slut; not saying you would but you get my extreme example). She deserves to know it's not something she has done, or something she could change. But if she is all that, I might also examine why this thing bothers you so much that your willing to let go of a good woman over it. In fact, I'd suggest this on top of all the other actions you could take. I hope it works out. pandor's box indeed. definitely a lesson learned the hard way. promiscuity by itself would not bother me. we were all young at once and we all did stupid things. this was two guys at once and it was at an age where i wouldve thought that you would worry a lot more about your reputation than to do those kinds of things. i understand there is somewhat of a double standard. it may not be as socially unacceptable if it were two women, but that's not something i can change.
JungleLover Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 pandor's box indeed. definitely a lesson learned the hard way. promiscuity by itself would not bother me. we were all young at once and we all did stupid things. this was two guys at once and it was at an age where i wouldve thought that you would worry a lot more about your reputation than to do those kinds of things. i understand there is somewhat of a double standard. it may not be as socially unacceptable if it were two women, but that's not something i can change. Try not to be bothered by this. In reality, men would be very surprised how common this is when it comes to women they have dated. Even during my post graduate education, there was quite of bit of this in "get togethers" we had after big exams or something and these folks were quite a bit older than your innocent 21 year olds. These women have gone on to be very clean cut looking professionals but I know their secrets. No matter how tough it may be, try to learn to separate the sexual past from the person that is treating you well today and is great otherwise. Personally, this would not bother me if the woman is great otherwise. I just know that your next door neighbor, your doctor and mayor also took two at the same time but hides it very well because guys just can't handle this information well. Don't let it tear your relationship a part, man. I did this once because I couldn't handle that my college sweetheart took two guys at the same time. She was otherwise a great girlfriend. I regret it to this day that I couldn't live with knowing that. The relationship gradually deteriorated. It was otherwise the most compatible relationship I ever had. After that, I learned to be okay with sexual pasts. It doesn't bother me at all.
CarrieT Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 What you read in that journal is a art of what makes your girl who she is. If it is something you can't accept, then you should move on. This is why people shouldn't snoop. You are guaranteed to find something you don't like. I'll add to this, OP, in that what you like about this girl includes those private things that she keeps inside her. Don't you have secret thoughts, desires, and deeds which make up who YOU are? Of course there is no way to completely bare open a person to another and it is those parts which make us who we are. Relish what you have in this girl and realize that you have pulled out one thread and looked at it under a microscope. But that one thread was only a fragment of the entire tapestry of who she is - that person you were drawn to for a reason. Can't you accept that aspect? 1
ThorntonMelon Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 You are nuts for breaking up with a great girl because of anything sexual she's done. If she treats you well and makes you happy, that's what matters. 2
Jules Dash Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 pandor's box indeed. definitely a lesson learned the hard way. promiscuity by itself would not bother me. we were all young at once and we all did stupid things. this was two guys at once and it was at an age where i wouldve thought that you would worry a lot more about your reputation than to do those kinds of things. i understand there is somewhat of a double standard. it may not be as socially unacceptable if it were two women, but that's not something i can change. Is that all? Lol. Break up with her and your next girlfriend would have taken 3 guys to bed and a woman but doesn't keep a diary.
shoegal4 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Wait...if I am following this correctly, you are thinking of breaking it off with a girl who you say is amazing because she had a threesome? Do you think they have AFF & Ashley Madison for nothing?
Author brokengla55 Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Thanks everyone. I got the message.
Smilecharmer Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 No more snooping. If she wanted you to know about the threesome she would have told you. Btw, a threesome doesn't even bother me and I was a virgin when I got married. It isn't shocking or even weird IMO. I love my husband....end of discussion. He doesn't need to explain stuff to me because he is exactly who I chose.
Supernatural Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 pandor's box indeed. definitely a lesson learned the hard way. promiscuity by itself would not bother me. we were all young at once and we all did stupid things. this was two guys at once and it was at an age where i wouldve thought that you would worry a lot more about your reputation than to do those kinds of things. i understand there is somewhat of a double standard. it may not be as socially unacceptable if it were two women, but that's not something i can change. It's just sex man. And it's her past. Let it go. It was one night out of her WHOLE existence. If every girl found your journal... Or mine, and read something from our years, we would be single friends playing bingo until our grim death. Assess a person on how they treat you. Not on what they may have done when they were in their exploratory years. The only way I would break up with someone who had a 3some in her past, is if she had an STD and I didn't. Because I care about my safety. You need a good christian girl... But then again... I hear they have pent up sexual desires... Could be a disaster in the future....
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