Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 In june I went on about 6 dates with this guy. We never had sex but he spent the night after the last date and I dropped a few hints that I wanted to be exclusive so true to form this gorgeous, funny, smart mid-20s guy dropped off the face of the earth. I was extremely disappointed, but not really surprised. Today he texts me and we chatted for a couple hours. Catching up, joking, etc. Then I told him I had to go to work and that was it. He didn't ask to see me, he just said he would talk to me later. The logical part of my brain remembers how much he hurt me, but I'm finding it tough to forget how effortlessly our conversations flowed and how sweet he was. I'm not dumb enough to think he's magically changed his mind about wanting a serious relationship in a month and a half so what the heck is he doing?
Assasda Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 He's feeling you out to see if youre still the needy girl that he ran away from. If it turns out that you dont freak out on him, he'll contact you again. Just have fun with the guy, and wait a little bit before you talk about being exclusive, hopefully when you had that talk with him the first time you didnt give him an ultimatum or put any pressure on him 3
SummerLuvR Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Slow down a little here. You only went on 6 dates. Honestly, How bad could he have hurt you? You didn't even have sex. I agree with Assasda, you probably scared him off at first and now he is testing you out again. I think you will do well not to be so needy. 2
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 He's feeling you out to see if youre still the needy girl that he ran away from. If it turns out that you dont freak out on him, he'll contact you again. Just have fun with the guy, and wait a little bit before you talk about being exclusive, hopefully when you had that talk with him the first time you didnt give him an ultimatum or put any pressure on him No, thankfully I've learned from my past mistakes and I don't do ultimatums anymore lol. I didn't even say I wanted the dreaded "r" word.
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Slow down a little here. You only went on 6 dates. Honestly, How bad could he have hurt you? You didn't even have sex. I agree with Assasda, you probably scared him off at first and now he is testing you out again. I think you will do well not to be so needy. What hurt was how he just stopped texting and making plans with zero explanation. Nobody likes being treated like they're disposable so yeah, he did hurt me. I'm not saying he broke my heart, it's not that dramatic haha. 1
MissBee Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 He's probably looking to see if you're still available for what he can offer...probably an NSA relationship. In my experience what he's doing is he ran away because he didn't want commitment but allowed you to hopefully "cool off" so that he could come back with his sweet words and woo you back into accepting less than you originally wanted. I've fallen prey to this and would advise that if you want a relationship and know it's not on offer don't allow him to woo you into some type of FWB situation, which is most likely his end goal. 5
somedude81 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 IMO, you did the right thing about wanting to be exclusive before having sex. If he said no to that, then it just means he wants to sleep with you and who knows how many other girls. 3
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 He's probably looking to see if you're still available for what he can offer...probably an NSA relationship. In my experience what he's doing is he ran away because he didn't want commitment but allowed you to hopefully "cool off" so that he could come back with his sweet words and woo you back into accepting less than you originally wanted. I've fallen prey to this and would advise that if you want a relationship and know it's not on offer don't allow him to woo you into some type of FWB situation, which is most likely his end goal. This is exactly what I suspected! Thank you for the warning. 1
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 IMO, you did the right thing about wanting to be exclusive before having sex. If he said no to that, then it just means he wants to sleep with you and who knows how many other girls. Yeah I was really hoping that he might have been serious since he stuck it out for 6 dates with no sex. Clearly he figured he was just wasting his time. It's unfortunate that there are so many girls lined up to settle for physical relationships that anyone who wants a real relationship has to weed through so many jerks.
deathandtaxes Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I think he became disgruntled about not getting sex when staying over with you and so faded. It may or may not have coincided with you asking to be exclusive. Right now? I think somebody dropped off his radar (another possibility - he had somebody else) and now he's trying to rekindle. Don't give him another chance. You should respect yourself better. 3
SummerLuvR Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting you compromise and have sex with him. I was just saying that you can keep talking to him and keep your position on wanting an exclusive relationship. Just don't rush him. Maybe just think of it as being friends first. But I would say something about him dropping off the face of the earth. That is just rude. If he just wants a hook up he will be gone again really fast and you can write him off. But you need to do what you believe is right for you. If you don't think he will stay around this time, you can just nip it in the bud right now and save your feelings. 2
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 I think he became disgruntled about not getting sex when staying over with you and so faded. It may or may not have coincided with you asking to be exclusive. Right now? I think somebody dropped off his radar (another possibility - he had somebody else) and now he's trying to rekindle. Don't give him another chance. You should respect yourself better. Right. His actions don't exactly convey good intentions. I've been frustrated with the dating scene and figured it could be worth giving him a chance, but there's a strong possibility he's playing me. 1
somedude81 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Yeah I was really hoping that he might have been serious since he stuck it out for 6 dates with no sex. Clearly he figured he was just wasting his time. It's unfortunate that there are so many girls lined up to settle for physical relationships that anyone who wants a real relationship has to weed through so many jerks. Six dates isn't that long to stick things out for, especially when he's having sex with other women. He just wanted to add you to his rotation. Be proud of not letting yourself get played. 3
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting you compromise and have sex with him. I was just saying that you can keep talking to him and keep your position on wanting an exclusive relationship. Just don't rush him. Maybe just think of it as being friends first. But I would say something about him dropping off the face of the earth. That is just rude. If he just wants a hook up he will be gone again really fast and you can write him off. But you need to do what you believe is right for you. If you don't think he will stay around this time, you can just nip it in the bud right now and save your feelings. Yeah I'm not hoping for him to miraculously change and I won't reward his behavior with sex. I'll be polite to him for now, but I predict he'll just disappear so I won't get my hopes up.
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Six dates isn't that long to stick things out for, especially when he's having sex with other women. He just wanted to add you to his rotation. Be proud of not letting yourself get played. True! I hadn't considered the possibility that he was seeing other women while we were dating. I need to stop being so naïve!! 2
TXGuy Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 What hurt was how he just stopped texting and making plans with zero explanation. Nobody likes being treated like they're disposable so yeah, he did hurt me. I'm not saying he broke my heart, it's not that dramatic haha. He stopped texting and making plans. Did you step up and start initiating and making plans? This guy went on six dates with you without pushing for (at least not getting) sex. He is being patient and respectful. After six dates, I would expect the woman to start pulling her weight in the relationship at this point (especially if she was not putting out). He might have been backing off to see if you would put any effort at all into it.
jay1983 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 He stopped texting and making plans. Did you step up and start initiating and making plans? This guy went on six dates with you without pushing for (at least not getting) sex. He is being patient and respectful. After six dates, I would expect the woman to start pulling her weight in the relationship at this point (especially if she was not putting out). He might have been backing off to see if you would put any effort at all into it. She said it was right when she told him she wanted to be exclusive.
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 He stopped texting and making plans. Did you step up and start initiating and making plans? This guy went on six dates with you without pushing for (at least not getting) sex. He is being patient and respectful. After six dates, I would expect the woman to start pulling her weight in the relationship at this point (especially if she was not putting out). He might have been backing off to see if you would put any effort at all into it. By the end of each date we would plan the next one. It was a mutual effort. I initiated a fair amount of text conversations during that time, but I wasn't overbearing either. We joked around and flirted almost every day. It felt completely natural and effortless, not like playing mind games.
TXGuy Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 By the end of each date we would plan the next one. It was a mutual effort. I initiated a fair amount of text conversations during that time, but I wasn't overbearing either. We joked around and flirted almost every day. It felt completely natural and effortless, not like playing mind games. From earlier post" "He stopped texting and making plans." Does that mean that he did not respond to your texts? Does that mean he declined plans that you made? I'm trying to figure out if he had been doing the bulk of the initiating and paying for dates. What was (roughy) the ratio of initiating? of paying? Which way was it trending? It seams like a consensus is building that he was trying to use you. I'm offering a counterpoint and suggesting it is possible that he was the one being used. I don't think there is enough information provided to determine that.
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 From earlier post" "He stopped texting and making plans." Does that mean that he did not respond to your texts? Does that mean he declined plans that you made? I'm trying to figure out if he had been doing the bulk of the initiating and paying for dates. What was (roughy) the ratio of initiating? of paying? Which way was it trending? It seams like a consensus is building that he was trying to use you. I'm offering a counterpoint and suggesting it is possible that he was the one being used. I don't think there is enough information provided to determine that. That's a fair perspective. He paid for the first 4 dates then we split the next 2 and i paid for breakfast after he slept over. He initiated maybe 70% of text conversations but i made deliberate attempts to keep things flirty and fun, no one word replies. The last time I saw him he left kind of abruptly. I texted him the next day I didn't try to make plans but I was sweet and he ignored me.
TXGuy Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 That's a fair perspective. He paid for the first 4 dates then we split the next 2 and i paid for breakfast after he slept over. He initiated maybe 70% of text conversations but i made deliberate attempts to keep things flirty and fun, no one word replies. The last time I saw him he left kind of abruptly. I texted him the next day I didn't try to make plans but I was sweet and he ignored me. Ok. Well it was at least trending in a more equal direction. I wasn't trying to beat you up. I was just playing devils advocate. On these forums, you see a lot of 'he was just using you for sex' posts that I don't think necessarily warrant it. I'm on the fence with this one.
Author Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Ok. Well it was at least trending in a more equal direction. I wasn't trying to beat you up. I was just playing devils advocate. On these forums, you see a lot of 'he was just using you for sex' posts that I don't think necessarily warrant it. I'm on the fence with this one. I know what you meant, don't worry I am not very easily offended. I've definitely pulled back from communication with a guy when I've felt like he was t putting in any effort. In the case with this guy, he was just using me.
Zeurich Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Men and woman work together - it is a challenge girl be patient he will be back again when he realize you wont miss him, believe me if you start go behind they will more proud.
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