Nelli Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 So my boyfriend went to Vegas with his Uncle and cousin for his cousin's 21 bday. They went to multiple strip clubs, and he bought a lap dance for himself. he doesnt go often just for celebrations etc. Here is what I want advice about: Why will he not tell me the places he went? I want to find out the extent of what the lap dance was like, because from what I hear they are verrrrry different and I have never been. His reaction to this question: he was very mad and said I am not his Mom, so he doesnt need to tell me everything he does. Why? ego? feeling guilty and hiding? or is it because he truly feels that way? For the record, I dont ask him details about things when he goes out, but this in particular had me asking. Anyways what can I say back to get him to tell me without him feeling that way. If your girl was getting the same arousal at a strip club from a man, how would you feel about it? What about if she was grinding on a dance floor with some guy at a club in the same way the grinding happens at a lap dance? Do you all think its weird that his 60 year old Uncle goes every week by himself? The Aunt doesnt really like it, but she accept it, and is ok with it as long as he is honest where he is going. He is related on the Aunt side. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 i don't understand why you need to know where he went and how it all went down? it was honest of him to tell you, and as long as he didn't sleep with them, who cares? why be a bother about it. just watch some videos online and you can see what they do, or use your imagination. does it really make a difference how the dance was performed? you'll be mad either way it seems... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JungleLover Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Here is what I want advice about: Why will he not tell me the places he went? Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. That is the attitude, really. Hell, I have done things in Vegas that I never imagined I would do and I had my GF along doing it with me. When people go to Vegas, I generally don't ask them a lot of details about their trip. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 (edited) Why do you care how the lap dance went? He turned 21 and went to a bar and got his first lap dance while hanging out with his friends He doesn't know the girl, or her name or went anywhere with her. Its prob not a big deal to him at all and just something he did while his bros were present had he been alone bet you he wouldnt of even tried it, he likely got annoyed because he doesn't want to go through the whole jealous gf thing over a girl he will never see again in his life these girls dance, get paid and leave there is no sexual touching allowed eg he cannot grab her boobs and start getting down and dirty, they dance take a bill leave and go to the next guy. What his uncle does has no real relation to your bf they're different people and if his aunt puts up with that its her issue. Its not uncommon for guys to get a birthday lap dance at 21. In fact I bought my ex his lap dance on his 21st birthday I remember shouting "Very first lap dance 21 right here!!!!" and the other men turning around howling for him pushing him up to center stage for his dance he had a great time. Edited August 14, 2014 by Omei Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nelli Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 My boyfriend is 32, he went for his cousins 21st bday. He bought a lapdance for himself. I grew up pretty conservative, but I am trying to be open and just get perspective. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetnothing Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Boys will be boys. You can't honestly expect a guy to go to a strip club and ignore all the ladies. It was a lap dance, not a date. He paid some girl to pretend to like him for 5 minutes. Dancers don't care about stealing your boyfriend. They're just doing their job. You wouldn't go to a restaurant with your friends and not order a meal. It's the same thing. If this guy suddenly starts sneaking around and hiding things from you I would be concerned, but he had the balls to tell you the truth and you flipped out. Give it a rest. He's loyal to you and that's what matters. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I honestly don't understand the appeal of paying a girl your hard earned money to grind her crotch into yours, get covered in her nasty ass sweat, and then leave you with a boner while you throw more money at her and beg for more. Zzzzz 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 My boyfriend is 32, he went for his cousins 21st bday. He bought a lapdance for himself. I grew up pretty conservative, but I am trying to be open and just get perspective. thanks. my apologizes I read that all backwards, if its just because hes on the Vegas trip id just let it slide. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 As I said in another thread, I couldn't accept even a strip club visit, personally. If my man's gonna hang out with a bunch of half-naked and naked women, I might as well get naked with random other men, too. Not gonna work for me. He wouldn't hide the details unless he had something to hide. I'm sure he'd be pretty upset if you went to a strip club that featured male strippers and were secretive about the details. Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I never understood the appeal of strip clubs. True, they are attractive and naked, but you are paying the woman to be a d*ck tease. Makes no sense to me. (that and I must be too cheap to enjoy it). Anyway, she will sit in his lap, sometimes facing him, sometimes the other way. She will be naked or in a g-string. He will have his pants on. She will grind into him. Some guys get boners some guys don't. Beyond that, you don't have too much to worry about. He generally can't touch the strippers. If he does, they will throw him out and perhaps beat the **** out of him (depending on how handsy he gets). Also, these strippers are generally also prostitutes, but they have out of line rates. It was around $800 for a lay a few years back (according to what some of my buddies told me). It could be more now. Unless he is willing to drop nearly a grand to get his willy wet, you have nothing to worry about. In fact, women have very little to worry about their men in Vegas (unless they are high rollers and are willing to drop serious cash). Guys, on the other hand should not touch their girlfriends who do a 'girls trip' to vegas until after she has gone through std tests. That might be a bit over the top, but it is tougher for guys to get laid in Vegas than it is for women. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Okay so I don't think it is that huge of a deal. I don't think it matters where he go the lap dance. And even if he went to one of the seedier strip clubs it doesn't really matter. If he's going to cheat he's going to cheat stripper or not. That said how would I feel if my girl friened got a lap dance at a strip club? I would not care a hole lot. Now if it was a frequent thing then yeah I'd have an issue with it. But for special occasions who cares? Dancing with a stranger in a club is a little different. But I wouldn't really care as long as it was not to sexual. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Astrolink Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 First, I'm not into strip clubs. Lot of expensive nothing as far as I'm concerned. But, my best friend is an addict. Here is his spin on things (this relates to the 60 year old; I'll cover that first): He's 55, likes younger women, and get 1000% rejection after rejection in bars. But, when he goes to the strip club, he always spreads alot of money around, so he treated like royalty; there's so many strippers conversing and hanging with him that other patrons have asked if he's a celebrity. Of course it's all fake and money driven but he doesn't care; he likes the attention. As for your bf, do you really want him to tell you about it? There's nothing he can tell you that will make you feel good. I do understand the frustration of it all. If my gf was frequently in places where men were rubbing their erections on her and she kept going back for more, it might be a deal breaker. Link to post Share on other sites
Supernatural Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I honestly don't understand the appeal of paying a girl your hard earned money to grind her crotch into yours, get covered in her nasty ass sweat, and then leave you with a boner while you throw more money at her and beg for more. Zzzzz Rub dat dirty snatch on mai! yaaaaa Buddy! . .. ... Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I, as a woman, have been to many strip clubs, I've gotten lap dances and everything. Even had a few strippers as close friends. That said, I still don't understand the appeal of paying a girl to be naked in front of you for a few minutes with no satisfaction in the end. However I wouldn't mind my boyfriend gong to one or getting a lap dance. Strippers are doing their job, they couldn't care less about him, they just want his money. Many strip clubs have strict no contact policies in which the customer can't so much as graze the dancers shoulder. Other clubs don't even allow 'grinding' and a lap dance consists of 'air dancing' in front of a guy for a few minutes. Vegas clubs are really no different. IF he had gotten a lap dance from a female friend or someone whom he knew personally in an intimate setting THEN we would have a problem. Otherwise, who cares? At least he was honest enough to tell you he went and what happened. It was a one time deal. It's not like he's going out to the clubs every weekend. Asking for all the gory details is just working yourself up for nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ReadySettyGo Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Do you all think its weird that his 60 year old Uncle goes every week by himself? The Aunt doesnt really like it, but she accept it, and is ok with it as long as he is honest where he is going. He is related on the Aunt side. I think it makes sense. The 60 year old Uncle is perhaps more appreciative and respectful than the younger bucks that go to get their rocks off. The old man probably walks away feeling replenished, while the boys fuelled by testosterone & alcohol, leave frustrated and edgy. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 The one time tourists or birthday visitors are world's apart from the regular fiends who are buying dry humping. OP, it is not likely that he had the reputation or the cash for the strippers to do more than what they would do as a demonstration on the Oprah or Ellen tall shows. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Where there's lap dances, there's also opportunity for straight up prostitution. Don't ever let anyone minimize what goes on at strip clubs. I've seen strippers in action and know an old one, plus seen their behavior on tour buses. It is completely slimy. He is old enough not to be getting his "just turned 21" lap dance and he's not having a bachelor party, so what he's just done is paid a naked girl with huge fake boobs to sit on his lap and grind down on his penis until he either comes or has to run to the men's room to finish. That's sex. There's also so many prostitutes in Vegas that you can't hardly visit without getting propositioned a hundred times. If she told you he got a lap dance, you have to wonder if that's the tip of the iceberg. You might check his credit card statement for large purchases, though if he has any sense, he'll have paid cash. Your point about how would your man like it if you let some guy grind his penis on you through your clothes is a very valid one -- because I don't know any guys who would like it at all and they would be quick to call any girl who did it a filthy slut. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I have been to a strip club with my boyfriend, and we got a lap dance together. That was fun. I would not mind my boyfriend going to a strip club, but a lapdance? No way. That is utterly disrespectful to me. I don't want ANY woman grinding her naked body in front of my boyfriend, stripper or not. I'd be upset. Link to post Share on other sites
dogeared Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 OP, if you are not comfortable with your bf getting lap dances, that is your boundary, and no one else can tell you it's no big deal and you need to lighten up. That said, did you ever have a conversation with him about this boundary before he went? I also don't think you necessarily need to worry about his hiring a prostitute or having sex with the stripper, unless you have some other reason to think he would do something like this. No stripper is going to be interested in your bf, just his wallet, as others have pointed out. Is he the kind of guy who has an extra $1000 to have sex with a stripper? Just because he got a lap dance doesn't automatically mean he bangs prostitutes too. To answer your other questions: Why will he not tell me the places he went? Would it mean anything to you if he did tell you the places he went? Probably not. If you mean why didn't he tell you ABOUT the places he went, maybe he is embarrassed? I want to find out the extent of what the lap dance was like If your bf won't tell you, watch some youtubes, or better yet go to a strip club yourself and find out if you are curious. His reaction to this question: he was very mad and said I am not his Mom, so he doesnt need to tell me everything he does. That's just rude and disrespectful. Sounds like he feels defensive. You are his gf, he did something sexual with another woman (and PAID for it!); you deserve for him to answer questions you have. Do you all think its weird that his 60 year old Uncle goes every week by himself? His uncle is a pervert. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 His 60-yr-old uncle is old and can't get it any other way and probably uses prostitutes as often as he can afford them. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Nelii He's not going to give you details. So stop asking. If you boundary is no lap dances you need to make that clear to men you date. As much as you aren't thrilled about your BF's behavior it's not totally fair to freak after the fact. If now that he knows you disapprove he keeps getting them, that's a different story. Personally my joke (& boundary) is no interactive entertainment. You want to look at porn or waste your money on some girl gyrating in front of you, fine. Look but don't touch (beyond tucking the $$ in her g-string & even then you best have picked a relatively safe place to put it like by her hip) Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 For me it's not as much about the lap dance as it is his disregard for your concern and feelings. Lose this idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Where there's lap dances, there's also opportunity for straight up prostitution. Don't ever let anyone minimize what goes on at strip clubs. This is true. So-called "extras" go on at strip clubs all the time, despite the law, and it doesn't cost a grand. Link to post Share on other sites
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