letsplaygofish2 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 In May, I met someone on Craigslist as a snuggle buddy because I was craving the close intimacy of another person, without sexual intentions, after coming out of an intense relationship. I was very clear that I needed someone to help me heal, just hold me and I didn't want a relationship. This guy was everything that I needed. He is sweet, charismatic and never pushed for anything more than snuggling. Our friendship eventually evolved and we would text each other every day, xoxo and I miss you. Our relationship became intimate, but I knew that it wouldn't last - he's 34 and still in school. I'm 37 in an established career. Deep down, I want a husband and family.. the whole 9 yards. I was very clear and honest with him from the beginning. In June, I met someone on OKC who also was ready for a family. I ended things with snuggle buddy because I didn't want to double date, but we vowed to remain friends. Snuggle buddy and I continued to text as friends, but he was always there for me whenever I needed him. The new guy and I dated intensely but it just didn't feel right. It lasted under 2 months, we ended things yesterday - the chemistry was there, but not as hot as with snuggle buddy. Snuggle buddy was always there for me, even when I had a minor tiff with the new guy. We resumed texting today and he's happy that I'm single again. I have been fond of him too, even though I know he can't be with me as husband material. Is it wrong of me to date him knowing that this is what I eventually want? He knows that I want a family and it hasn't stopped him from seeing me. Obviously, we both enjoy each others company tremendously. I'm feeling guilty about this, but damn we really like each other. Thoughts?
TheNextLawyer Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Gender roles have developed so much over the last two decades. Heck, even our Prime Minister is not the bread winner in his family but seems happy enough. If your guy is so good at not being possessive and really loves you as a friend as well as a woman then that seems very promising. Obviously he needs to have a career at some point but having the focus to be in education is still by no means a bad thing. Heck my therapist has not managed to make much of a career outside volunteering but is still happy with his partner. Unless you meet someone else who ticks more boxes than 'snuggle' and is similarly selfless then I think you should give it all you've got with this good guy.
SummerLuvR Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Has your snuggle buddy told you he doesn't want a family and kids? If not, I don't understand why you don't develop a relationship with him. He wont be going to school forever (hopefully) and he isn't really that much younger than you. 4
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Gender roles have developed so much over the last two decades. Heck, even our Prime Minister is not the bread winner in his family but seems happy enough. I've dated 2 guys who felt emasculated by my success. I don't ever want to be put in that position where they would resent me. Plus, I would much rather not be the breadwinner because I sometimes feel like I'm being taken advantage of (happened with 2 other guys I dated). Snuggle buddy is the epitome of single bachelorhood. Not that I'm judging, but in our first month of hanging out, he almost asked me to borrow money for rent. I said no, because I don't want to be anyone's sugar mama. Don't get me wrong - I haven't intentionally worked this year due to health reasons, but I think a man should be capable of standing on his own feet... He kind of joked that he would marry me if nobody else wanted me. Also joked about being my bff, bf and whatever else. But we barely know each other! We have not invested into knowing our history, mostly because we've been focused on just physical closeness which we both needed :/
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