jackssmirkingrevenge Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 So, I just got done having a fight with the wife over me texting a female coworker about official business. The crux of her argument was that I should have "run it by" her that I had "another woman's phone number, who I'm not related to". I'm pretty pissed off because I never eexpected any kind of action like this from her. I let her talk to who she wants without a million questions or a requirement to "run it by" me. Is this a reasonable request on her part? I feel like I'm right for being angry and wary of her request, but feel a little hypocritical in my anger and distrust in her for not trusting me. Wtf..
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 The world is made up of people with the opposite sex. Your wife is nuts if she thinks you can work without talking to women. Sometimes in this face paced world you have to communicate about work outside of 9-5. As long as the conversation / text was work related with no innuendo, your wife owes you an apology. 2
Author jackssmirkingrevenge Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 That was essentially my counter argument, but she said I was missing the point and that I should have informed her that I had another woman's number in my phone. I think her argument reeks of ulterior motives and I called her out on it and asked her what she was so afraid of and told her that I thought she wasn't being honest with me and that prompted her to start the waterworks. I told her I loved her and went back to work. I've been suspecting that she's been attempting and has been fairly effective at manipulating me for a while now, but I'm just too tired to fight with her about anything. I always end up feeling like the bad guy. I deal with depression as well and usually chock up all my suspicions of manipulation to paranoia and just swallow it all. Healthy, right?
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Why wouldn't she simply assume you had colleagues phone numbers? 1
Author jackssmirkingrevenge Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 No clue. I guess because I'm supposed to be living by her rules, she couldn't possibly assume that I'd do anything without running it by her. Makes crazy sense....
redtail Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 I understand your frustration and yes, you are right in this situation. Being right is not always good enough. You may want to look beyond the surface issue, dig deeper and see why your wife is feeling insecure. Anger won't increase the communication between you two, but an honest, sincere attempt to understand and address her insecurity and reassure her that she has nothing to worry about will. And make up sex is the best! 1
Author jackssmirkingrevenge Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 A year ago I might have been all about that. I've given her a forum to voice her feelings time and time again, but I've come to believe she likes the way she behaves because she usually gets her way. I fault myself for letting her get away with this nonsense for so many years though. What is this "make up sex" you speak of?
Art_Critic Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Have you looked at her phone contact list yet ?...projection I have many women's numbers in my phone and my wife could care less... Most are work or neighbor related and many I've never called or texted. I think you should figure out why she is making a big deal over this since it isn't a big deal to begin with 1
AsiaOne Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Hi, My husband gets emails and texts too on official business after work. When I casually ask him who it is, he will disclose fully on who it is and the reason for the text/email. He tries to put my mind at ease. I usually try not to pry too much, but he will usually give me an answer that satisfies my curiosity. On the other hand, if I get a text from a male co-worker, he will be the one to start asking all kinds of questions.
Author jackssmirkingrevenge Posted August 17, 2014 Author Posted August 17, 2014 I haven't looked through her contacts or anything like that. I really don't care who's in there. If she just asked and that was it, I'd be fine with it, but she always gets on her soapbox about how I have to tell here everything about everything and frankly, I'd rather not. I don't have the energy and she does not have the need to know. Does this make me a jerk?
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 That's a super weird request. I have ****-loads of male numbers in my phone and my boyfriend does with women. Most often these days when you get a new phone all of your old contacts just transfer across anyway so it's not even usually a deliberate attempt to fill your phone up with numbers. I think she's acting like a prison guard, sorry. You can have whatever numbers in your phone you like and as an adult you're entitled to make those judgements about who you are able to contact and not. I would show her this thread and maybe if she sees that most people think it's ridiculous she'll ease up a bit?
MuddyRock Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 You get more bees with honey you know... All you have to do was lovingly explain to her who it was and reassure her. Sounds like she got the opposite. Now sure you can say as you did and you are entitled. But is that the way you treat a loving partner that is feeling insecure? Maybe she has a friend who got cheated on. Your behavior is the top of the cheaters slippery slope so no I do not think she is rediculous for REQUESTING. You run something by her first. That is what a marriage is supposed to be.
mrs rubble Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 My fiance talks to and texts heaps of other women, only one he works with though. The only time it bothers me is when he spends ages talking to a female friend, then gets off the phone and has nothing to say to me at all.
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