Author Photofinish Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Ah yes, I already told you. I mention it sometimes to assure people that things will get better. I was only a few years younger than you. I can relate to what you are saying, as the departure isn't the hardest part, it were all the hard/awful memories of the years before that hit you like a brick and the way everybody around you changes when s/he is not there anymore. I felt like I had died myself and had to find out again who I was. I think it is important for you to ask your therapist for exercises where you learn to meditate; learn to become quiet. We are a lot more than our head and our head isn't always our best friend. I can assure you, it is true. It makes.it even worse for me because my mom keeps attacking me because I never mention that I miss him. She just keeps assuming that I hated him and keeps telling me that. My mind has become on enemy. It doesnt even let me sleep
Itspointless Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 It makes.it even worse for me because my mom keeps attacking me because I never mention that I miss him. She just keeps assuming that I hated him and keeps telling me that. My mind has become on enemy. It doesnt even let me sleep With grief we all have our own pace; the stages we are going through often do not coincide with each-other when in a family situation. I recommended you and your mother to read about the stages of grief by Kubler-Ross. It is important to see that sometimes we can not back-up each-other as our needs and ways of expression are different at that particular moment. That can particularly be stressful when some of the people are introverts and others extroverts. Do not fight yourself, especially now it is important to work through everything, although you must understand that many things in life do not have clear-cut answers. Learn to be quiet with yourself, it really pays. 1
Reels Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I cant help but think about it. I thought about it all night last night and only slept for about an hour. I felt sick to my stomach too. I thought I was pretty special. A girl whose into these things and cosplays. I figured he wouldnt find that easy. Pfff yeah right! Hasnt even been a whole month and he is away at cons doing that with woman. He never cared for me. Im loosing it.. I never get to go to these far away cons and he does. Its not fair. I want to have a relationship like that again. its just not fair....... Right now you are not in the situation to start a relationship, you can take some more break.
Author Photofinish Posted August 17, 2014 Author Posted August 17, 2014 With grief we all have our own pace; the stages we are going through often do not coincide with each-other when in a family situation. I recommended you and your mother to read about the stages of grief by Kubler-Ross. It is important to see that sometimes we can not back-up each-other as our needs and ways of expression are different at that particular moment. That can particularly be stressful when some of the people are introverts and others extroverts. Do not fight yourself, especially now it is important to work through everything, although you must understand that many things in life do not have clear-cut answers. Learn to be quiet with yourself, it really pays. Im just a little glad that she doesnt do that too often. Im unsure if shes even greifing by doing this. I think shes just mad that I dont show that im sad. Its weird. It feels like he never existed to me. Its like he never lived here. I dont know why im thinking like that. maybe its because I didnt get to stop and greif over my father because of my ex and I still havent accepted he is gone.
Author Photofinish Posted August 17, 2014 Author Posted August 17, 2014 Right now you are not in the situation to start a relationship, you can take some more break. Lol thats the thing. Im going to be on a break for a while. Im so picky when it comes to men. I would love to meet a guy soon but I usually have a 1 to 2 year gap between relationships. It makes me upset because my ex found another girl like me in less then a month, maybe less then a week as I suspect him of talking to her during our few days together. our mutal friend says she has a boyfriend but I dont believe him. I feel like hsaid that to make me feel better.
Itspointless Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Im just a little glad that she doesnt do that too often. Im unsure if shes even greifing by doing this. I think shes just mad that I dont show that im sad. Its weird. It feels like he never existed to me. Its like he never lived here. I dont know why im thinking like that. maybe its because I didnt get to stop and greif over my father because of my ex and I still havent accepted he is gone. It is not the grief itself that can cause irritation but the fact that people can act out differently at the same time as they are not always in the same mindset as others as caused by one of those stages: Kübler-Ross model - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Your mother might just be looking for recognition with you for what she is feeling at that particular moment. This does also not mean that you should be taking care of her needs, like I said in your previous thread. Read about it, it would not surprise me if you recognize what you just described about yourself. Also these stages can apply to every account of loss, like the loss of your relation. It could very well be that your mind masquerades the loss of your father by projecting those feelings onto the lost relation for this moment. 1
Author Photofinish Posted August 21, 2014 Author Posted August 21, 2014 I hate to make another thread so quickly . I feel like im getting worse each and everyday rather then get better. It's been a month since the break up and a day doesnt go by that I dont think about him. I think about him about %75 of the day. I hate it!! I dont want to think of him because he isnt thinking of me and is having a blast without me. I hate what I've become. Ill be okay one second and get random memory flashes and I feel terrible. Im constantly fighting away thoughts. I took a nap today and the whole time I was thinking about the relationship! Therapy is literally me talking about all the stuff he did in the relationship and me crying about it . I feel okay when I leave but then within the hour I feel bad again. It's not fair! I dont want to think of him. I dont . Its not fair how my mind constantly tortures me with these thoughts. I cant even see some friends because they live in the same neighborhood and we walk by like a million triggers. I keep looking at every black car that passes by to see if it's him. I hate it . I wish I never met him! It's driving me mad. %100 sure that he doesnt think of me anymore. It's not fair that I have too!!! Ugh! All guys I see anywhere I can find a million flaws in. I hate what I've become and no matter how many times I try to quiet my mind, it comes back. I want an escape! I want something to make the pain go away . I just dont know what it is. I try to fight thoughts away with messed up things he did to me like tell me in my face that I had to win HIM back, asking me to ask his parents for permission to date him (Mind you, he is a 25 year old man) , how he posted public status about our relationship stating that I was a problem, how every little joke offended him to a point where we would fight and miss anniversaries , how he tried to pressure me to have sex and wouldn't wait until I was ready, and never reaching out to talking things out. I want this all to go away. I WANT HIM OUT OF MY HEAD FOREVER. :(:( Everyday is a nightmare. (Sorry for another repeated rant. I'm trying to avoid posting things like this on Facebook so I post it here .)
Keenly Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 Trust me, it will get better. Every day that goes by you will think about him less and less, and every day that goes by the thoughts will have a significantly less effect on you than they do now, until one day, you will think of him, shrug your shoulders and say "eh..." The thing with all the flawed guys you see will flip too, soon you will see guys you are drawn to, and when you look back, all that you will see is flaws. Be patient. Give it time. Don't try and move on before your heart is ready for it. Go out and do some of the things you like. Or stay in and do the things you like. Be with your friends that make you happy, or be alone in a room with a good book, whatever occupies your thoughts and lights up your heart. Patience... and ice cream. 2
Mla Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 I can relate to aloy of this! I'm nearly a year in and still think n feel n do same things but all I can say is time makes it little be easier whether it's jus gettin used to te thoughts or not I dunno but eventually it gets a little easier I'm on medication dunno if that helped me a bit as iv put on weight now but I am jus like u I get attached struggle to let go compare others etc but as much as it doesn't help us right now in time we will be ok it's phases we have to go through and it will get easier we have to do things in meantime to try help ourselves and push prosess along by keeping busy work gym goin out whether u feel like it or not eventually it will start helpin each In their own time hope this helps x
Author Photofinish Posted August 22, 2014 Author Posted August 22, 2014 Trust me, it will get better. Every day that goes by you will think about him less and less, and every day that goes by the thoughts will have a significantly less effect on you than they do now, until one day, you will think of him, shrug your shoulders and say "eh..." The thing with all the flawed guys you see will flip too, soon you will see guys you are drawn to, and when you look back, all that you will see is flaws. Be patient. Give it time. Don't try and move on before your heart is ready for it. Go out and do some of the things you like. Or stay in and do the things you like. Be with your friends that make you happy, or be alone in a room with a good book, whatever occupies your thoughts and lights up your heart. Patience... and ice cream. I really really hope your right. Im really tired to living like this. its such an unhappy lifestyle. I cant stop thinking of how quickly he moved on to other girls and I keep going back and forth on the stuff I did pretty much useless stuff. I was the happiest ive ever was with him and being ripped away from him in the matter it happened... I feel like damaged goods. I feel like im loosing hope for my happiness. I want it im fighting for it but it feels like a loosing fight.
Author Photofinish Posted August 22, 2014 Author Posted August 22, 2014 I can relate to aloy of this! I'm nearly a year in and still think n feel n do same things but all I can say is time makes it little be easier whether it's jus gettin used to te thoughts or not I dunno but eventually it gets a little easier I'm on medication dunno if that helped me a bit as iv put on weight now but I am jus like u I get attached struggle to let go compare others etc but as much as it doesn't help us right now in time we will be ok it's phases we have to go through and it will get easier we have to do things in meantime to try help ourselves and push prosess along by keeping busy work gym goin out whether u feel like it or not eventually it will start helpin each In their own time hope this helps x Thats what scares it. A year in and no improvement... I wish you the best and hope we cn both find happiness . Humans are cruel creatures indeed.
Itspointless Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 Humans are cruel creatures indeed. Without talking about the ones that have psychiatric problems and without going into social psychology, people often hurt others by not being aware of it -being naive - or because they have fears and insecurities themselves. For example pushing the other away before they are pushed away, as some do not believe they are love worthy as they have been pushed away by people in the past (see the perpetuating effect here). Do not let it taint your view of people. We all have our things to work on.
Author Photofinish Posted August 22, 2014 Author Posted August 22, 2014 Without talking about the ones that have psychiatric problems and without going into social psychology, people often hurt others by not being aware of it -being naive - or because they have fears and insecurities themselves. For example pushing the other away before they are pushed away, as some do not believe they are love worthy as they have been pushed away by people in the past (see the perpetuating effect here). Do not let it taint your view of people. We all have our things to work on. I want to trust people but everytime I so I get hurt. My ex bestfriend, my ex boyfriend, my ex friend. I keep getting hurt by people I love. Im scared of people.
Itspointless Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 I want to trust people but everytime I so I get hurt. My ex bestfriend, my ex boyfriend, my ex friend. I keep getting hurt by people I love. Im scared of people. It is a hard road to learn who we can trust and which people we better can avoid as they have enough problem-solving to do themselves. I know easy said considering the circumstances that brought me here. But if I become mistrusting I will in end be doing the same as my ex: pushing away out of fear for intimacy and vulnerability. We have to find peace in ourselves to be able to give love to others and find love in return.
Author Photofinish Posted August 22, 2014 Author Posted August 22, 2014 It is a hard road to learn who we can trust and which people we better can avoid as they have enough problem-solving to do themselves. I know easy said considering the circumstances that brought me here. But if I become mistrusting I will in end be doing the same as my ex: pushing away out of fear for intimacy and vulnerability. We have to find peace in ourselves to be able to give love to others and find love in return. All guys want from me is sex. Some of my friends have flat out told me they would have sex with me if they could. My ex threw me away like garbage because of it. People use each other. I dont think I can trust anyone to wait for me.
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