Listen to my head or my heart

[matt29]

Listen to your head or your heart? 3 months ago my girlfriend of 8 months ended our relationship. It was the only relationship is been in since by ex fiancé of 7 years cheated on me. In my new relationship I felt better moments and more unique happiness with my new girl. But there wasn't many of them, she had family issues which caused her to hold back on the relationship and in the end she decided she couldn't be with me at the time I asked her 'are you sure this is what you want' she replied yes and from that point on I decided to go NC and move forward with every aspect of my life.

 

After the bad breakup with my ex fiancé I had learnt how to move on and so I did, I went on a date with a girl 3 weeks after my breakup and since then things have been really good with her! We've now been dating for 10 weeksI can see myself being with this girl for a long time (I'm 27 she's 25) except last night she told me she plans on living overseas for 6 months next year to work.

 

This same day I received a text from my ex girlfriend asking me to catch up with her. I have been in NC since we broke up. Haven't seen her, no texts nothing. I've gone full steam ahead dating this new girl, my head tells me to keep going but I know that I'm not the sort of guy for this possible future long distance relationship idea of hers and now the added confusion with the contact from my ex who I feel as though I'm still in love with.

 

My head tells me to stop dating my current girl and keep moving on with my life, but my heart tells me to try and reconcile with my ex and give the relationship another go.

 

 

Advice would be appreciated!

Edited August 13, 2014 by matt29

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like you're rebounding and you know it. You don't drop someone you were with that long and jump right into something serious. If you want to continue dating her, great. But don't get overly attached, engaged, or her hopes up... as once the honeymoon stage ends you will crash.

[Smilecharmer]

Follow neither. Your ex is an ex for a reason and there will only be more of the same stuff that broke you up to begin with. If you already feel like a LDR won't work and you do not want to try, it means you aren't really into the new girl. If you were you wouldn't even consider meeting your ex again. Time to cut ties with both and find the one who will adore you as much as you adore her without doubts or breakups.

[CaliGypsy]

Based on your info:

 

The first woman broke up with you and broke your heart. I'd be cautious there. She didn't actually say she wanted you back, or that her situation had changed or anything like that? She just wanted to catch up.

 

Current woman; I wouldn't call the 6 months oversees as a LDR. More of a temporary separation. You have a beginning and end where most LDR do not. I been in both and the former is a lot easier (for me) to handle. If you really care for her, I think if you wanted to you could absolutely make it work.

[letsplaygofish2]

In my experience, you should proceed with caution with any ex that attempts to reconnect with you. You don't know what's in their head, you don't know what's happened or if they are just seeking to chat and get closure.

 

I say just meet your ex without any expectations and tell her what's on your mind. But don't live with any fantasies or expectations that you COULD be anything. Expectations are the things that get us into trouble, because you're assuming that the other person can provide what you need.

[todreaminblue]

its funny dont you feel that when you are in a new relationship exes suddenly fidn you interesting again...dont believe the hype....and six months is not a long time.....its a good gauge actually to see fi you care.....in relationships there are many stressors that will come and go ...time distance money ....other people ...exes.. loss of employment ......sickness.......if your relationship and commitment to see it through is strong all these stressors are just road speed bumps.....if you have to make hurdles out of everything ...then the relationship will get tired quickly....you have to nurture and feed a relationship if you arent willing to feed it in good times and bad times it wills starve and disappear ...and it takes two to nurture a relationship and not one...deb

[Missy0724]

First and best idea would take time off from dating, time for YOU to clear your head. Yes, it's a rebound of course.

 

This just happened to me. Met a man, was recently divorced when I met him. I clearly asked him if he was ready to date. He said, yes. We got serious quickly, he said he was ready to be exclusive after a month or two.

 

Wonderful romance, times together, I fell in love. So did he, so he said. Oops, nope, just as other poster says, the honeymoon phase ended, then he realized how deeply his issues were with ex, not over her, angry with her, mad she dating. This shadow, "ghost" hung over our relationship for 10 months...and last couple months it tore us apart. He was trying to move past her, but just wasn't making the progress I believed was healthy, if choosing to be with me. I felt second, not a priority. As I knew she was on his mind, he struggling to accept his divorce, their past. It sucked knowing she always "there", like a third person in our relationship. So naturally I started pulling away, tried to be understanding, bc he had been with her since he was 15, his first love. He kept asking me for "more time". I gave him 10 months. I loved him in spite of this. But I started getting resentful, angry, frustrated, feeling we could not move forward. And we couldn't. So he broke up with me.

 

It's for the best, but it still hurts. Please don't do this to yourself or another person.

 

Take time to find closure, acceptance it's over with your ex. Mourn that completely before you get into an exclusive thing again. Date, sure. FWB if you can handle it. Just don't be irresponsible and do the rebound thing. You'll hurt someone, including perhaps yourself.