amourseeker Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 ok so I've been dating this guy for alittle over a month now and all is going great until he got the awful phone call from his ex's mother............yeah I know run like hell right! Any way, last week he got the news that he was going to be a dad and then he wasn't going to be a dad........he ran down to her to help her, she had a tubal preg. and he went to help her during her surgery. She lost the baby, but now he is all confused on what to do. He had no idea she was even preg., they broke up in September and it was a long distance relationship, so he had no way of knowing she was pregnant unless she told him, which she didn't do. I saw him Saturday and we talked, I asked him if he wants me to leave him alone and he said NO. He just needs to think this through and doesn't want to lead me on in any way, he said he is very attracted to me. But by Monday I was then doing some serious thinking, since it involves my life too! I know he is going through alot as would anyone in this situation. So I wrote him an email stating that I was going to leave him alone for the week so he could have space to think. I told him if he wants to give us a shot to come over Monday night and if he doesn't show up then I will know otherwise. I just don't want to play the games of him putting me down easily or anything so I figured ripping it off like a bandaid would be better. Did I do the right thing??? This whole week has been hell for me waiting, or am I just putting more stress on him? HELP!
roxy_1980 Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 This seems more think grieving for the child he lost than wanting to be with the mother (or whatever). It's a loss he needs to work through and unfortunately that means you may get put to the side a little. Keep in mind he didn't say that you needed the break (thinking period, whatever), you did.
Author amourseeker Posted February 27, 2005 Author Posted February 27, 2005 thanks...I know it sounds like I'm doing this to myself...but they dated awhile and I am just the girl he just started to date.......I hope it is that he is greiving for the child and not the mother...but I got the feeling of ohhhhh I've only dated her for a month, who is to say she will even be around in a month...should I take the plunge or go back to something I know...I guess past relationships screwed me up and I'm just looking at the negative to happen just when things are going good....My life is all about bad timing! I just didn't understand what he meant about needing time to think and he didn't want to lead me on in anyway.........I could understand the needing time...but the part about leading me on is confusing me a bit
Hund1976 Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 I'm sure the guy has tons of crap going through his head, he just spent a few days thinking "Holy s*** I'm going to be a father!!!!" and then his fetus dies. If you really like this guy and think their could be something there then you need to be patient and give him time for everything that happened to sink into his head. If you start giving him ultimatums and stuff he will probably decide he doesn't need all that drama in his life from a girl he's known for a month.
Author amourseeker Posted February 27, 2005 Author Posted February 27, 2005 I TOTALLY understand what you are saying and I appreciate all of your advice....I guess my thinking was: I didn't want to be the girl waiting by the phone for him to call, or the girl who calls and then doesn't hear from him for days...that would just eat me up! So i figured I would give him time to himself, to think. I also wanted him to know I do deserve to know what is going on with us too, so I gave him the time, but yet I still have my life to live and to let me know. I know giving him a time limit is a bit much....but he didn't reply to the email so I figure he is ok with it all or he would have replied with a "I need more time then you want to give me". It's hard because this is so new and i don't know how serious he thinks all of this is between us yet...I never brought it up because I didn't want to seem so clingy so soon in this...dating.....relationship.....I don't even know what you would call us yet! But I do have to say having the ball in my court by stating take the week to think about things has helped me or at least my mind from wandering, but I do see what you say about the time to let me know that might make him turn in the other direction. but what is done is done and now all i can do is wait til Monday!
Author amourseeker Posted February 27, 2005 Author Posted February 27, 2005 does anyone else have an answer or advice for me with this one!!!???? I could use all I can get! Thanks
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