bwrangler22 Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 This is my first post, and the first time I've actually fully explained what happened between my Ex and I, so bear with me please. My ex and I got together at the begining of our senior year of high school (2011-12). We knew each other since sophomore year, with a little bit of flirting and on/off tension that went nowhere (never acted upon it) throughout the years until finally one day she gave me an ultimatum, kiss her and I get my keys back. At first we thought it was going to be an on/off hookup thing until I realized that I liked her more than that, and wanted to give dating a try after about 2 weeks of these "encounters". She was my first kiss, my first girlfriend and we realized that we both felt more for each other than originally thought. As the year went on, we clicked faster than I had imagined. We were very opposite people, yet everything kind of fell perfectly in place with us. My parents immediately loved her, and her parents accepted me as part of their family, and this only strengthened our relationship. It was February 2012 when we had sex for the first time. We were each other's first, and this surprised me even more when she later told me that she didn't feel nervous with me given her past (she was sexually assaulted as a kid numerous times). She was surprised at my reaction and wanting to support her in any way with that issue instead of no longer wanting to be with her because of her apparent "baggage". Towards the end of the school year, we were preparing ourselves for the road ahead, her going to college an hour away from home, and myself getting ready to go into the military. That summer, my family, my ex and i all went on a trip to New York to visit my extended family, and just see the sights after so many years of not living there. During that trip, we only grew closer, as my family welcomed her so warmly, and made her feel like a part of the family. There was also the fact that her father allowed her to go only because he trusted me, and my parents. It was in New York that we seriously began talking about the future and how we would make it all work, no matter what happens. For our one year anniversary, we drove down to Miami, enjoyed the beach, the sights and spent the night there. It was then that we both presented each other with promise rings, something we kind of touched on a few times before. While she was in college and I was working/waiting to ship out to basic, we caught onto a few bumps as the months went on. Sometimes we went a few days without talking due to busy schedules, or just bad timing, and sometimes either one of us would just be in a bad mood when we did talk. We always bounced back from it though, all it took was me driving up to see her on the weekends and either one of us trying to apologize as soon as we saw each other. In November, I made a drastic decision and backed out of going into the military, due to the fact that my dad was in bad physical shape and we were on our last construction job before he could change gears and run the restaurant we were building. She was reluctant, as that left my future up in the air, and she was very career oriented and very "practical". Finally I convinced her that I would make things work, and as soon as this job was finished and my dad could run everything on his own, I'd be back on track. This went on until we finally opened, several months after we originally thought, in March. Then began the focus of getting it running and helping pick up the slack so my parents wouldn't burn out essentially trying to run it from morning to late at night. Like I promised, on my spare time I started looking into police departments and began applying to different ones across the state. As I got to a certain point with a department only to be dropped due to my age or not having enough experience, I started to become a bit depressed, and at times more aggressive because of the constant rejection over the course of months. I guess this is where she began to be unsure as to what would happen with me, but over and over I would tell her that I was trying and to just believe in me. Unfortunately my mood would also spill over and affected my relationship with her and with my family. Summer came, and my ex began to work at the restaurant with us, which definitely helped make up for the distance between us during the school year, and showed her that I wasn't just wasting my time. Finally towards the end of the summer we got into a few arguments, both about me getting my life started, and at the time my insecurities about her going out with her friends who usually enjoyed going clubbing and hooking up with whatever guys were there. I never doubted her, I just truly didn't like her being in potentially bad places without me there to keep her safe. I just was terrible at explaining that. Around August we finally got into the big argument that led to us splitting up. She called it off, with myself agreeing and being an ******* because I wasn't thinking straight. Its no excuse, but all the stress from my family, lack of my career going anywhere, the restaurant, and my insecurities just got to me. We went about a month of no contact, but each day for whatever reason I began to write, to her but I didn't plan on showing her. It was about what happened each day, how I felt, and a lot of reflecting on what I did wrong, and how I wanted to make things right. After that month, I was driving home when I saw her in her car. Later that day I called her and asked to meet her to talk, which we did outside of her parent's house in my car. We started talking about how we messed up, how sorry I was for the way I treated her, and how much I truly loved her and wanted nothing more than to marry her. I also told her of my plan to enlist again, in a different branch as the branch I was going into originally wasn't what I was looking for this time. I showed her all that i wrote, and it made her tear up. I dont remember what else was said, but I do remember holding each other as we cried and said how sorry we both were. I kissed her, and felt that spark that I felt the first time we kissed. We ended up driving to the beach, near her college, and spent most of the night on the beach, holding each other and staring at the moon and the stars. We went back to her dorm, and spent the night there. The following morning we drove back to where I lived, because she had a music performance that afternoon at a church. We had lunch at the restaurant we had our first date at, and then I went to see her perform. Everything about that weekend seemed perfect, like everything was going to be fixed. We hung out several times for the next month and a half, at first a bit hesitant because we both didnt know what was happening, but at one point we fell into that natural bf/gf mode. Then one day she just cut everything off. I became a mess because I thought everything was going to work out. I found out a couple of months later that she was with someone else now, and that it was kind of pushed upon her by her best friend. In November, she called me. We talked briefly and decided to meet up to talk and see what was going on with the other. Thats when I found out she was with someone else, and I felt betrayed. I tried to keep it in, and just told her about how the restaurant was going and when I was leaving for basic. She told me she was happy with her new boyfriend, and was glad I was getting along with my plan. Minus a text on christmas and on my birthday from her, we didnt talk at all, up until 2 weeks before I shipped out in March. I asked if she wanted to meet up before I left and she agreed. We had lunch at a restaurant we both enjoyed, talked about work, school, other random topics here and there. There was a bit of awkwardness because of everything that happened before, but we both had a good time. She wished me luck, and a couple of weeks later I left. She called me the day I was at the airport on the way to Fort Benning, and again we talked a bit and ended by wishing each other good luck. During my time at basic, I was going through a rough patch getting used to everything around me, and wrote her a letter. I dont really know what to expect from it, but I sent it anyways. To cope with the stress I began writing again, detailing the entire duration of basic training for her. Right at the end of basic, I happened to have my phone when she called me. She had just gotten my letter, after 2 months, and just wanted to try to call me. It was a bad conversation as I fumbled around a lot and didnt know what to say. I graduated in June, and got to my duty station in July, a month ago from now. I've gotten by, enjoyed my weekends with the guys from my unit, etc. This past weekend, I got a call from her. While I was again thrown off by the randomness of the call, I definitely reacted to it better, and more confidently as we spent a good amount of time on the phone talking about everything and anything. It felt so natural, just like the old days. It was as if we never split up. I even referenced a few moments from when we were dating as it related to something we were talking about, and just both started laughing about it. Towards the end, she turned the topic to us. She began to say that she was sorry about what happened, and how it happened, but I stopped her mid sentence and said that I was the one who needed to be sorry. After a year of realizing what I did wrong, I apologized. Finally she said that I definitely sounded like a new person and that she was happy for me. We both said our final little thoughts, and she said to give her a call sometime. Since then I haven't done anything but try to relive the happiness I felt during the call. I dont really know where I stand with my ex, I just want to improve off of where we just left off. Yes, ultimately I want her back, but when the time is right. Thanks for reading my wall of text.
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 The transition from childhood to adulthood is not easy. One of the most frequent casualties is a high school romance. You two kept it together more than most. She will always care about you because you were her 1st. Nobody can ever take that away. The phone call was like a check up -- she needed to know you were OK & that your head was in the game but nothing more. It was the closure conversation. It's time for you two to explore your individual futures. Explore the world around you. Date other women. Assume she's dating other men & going to parties at school. If you see each other at some point when you are both home, great but don't count on that 1
Polak Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 The phone call was like a check up -- she needed to know you were OK & that your head was in the game but nothing more. It was the closure conversation. I agree with this. So, if I were you, I wouldn't initiate anymore calls/emails, and don't plan any meeting up. I know it's hard not to think about her but spend as much time as you can being busy. Whether that's being productive or just having fun somewhere, try to begin living your life without any trace of her in it, and by doing so things will get easier along the way.
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