Boymeetsgirl Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) So laying in bed thinking of my breakup I almost shed a tear. As soon as it started to form I said to myself "if that tear runs out I'm am such a f**king idiot for acting so much over somebody who doesn't care about me" It almost emerged as a full tear.. But somehow I sucked it back in. I'm sharing this because it's actually become a massive turning point in my own mind on coping and moving on. I've had a real hard time coping and for some reason something just clicked right now. I guess my point is you need to get into your own head I've just discovered. Talk to yourself (in your head) and tell yourself off for being silly over someone who couldn't care less about you. It worked for me Edited August 13, 2014 by Boymeetsgirl 4
Strength in Healing Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 My advice may seem counterintuitive, but I hope everyone listens to it. 8 months after my first girlfriend and me broke up, I shared that similar attitude -- I told myself I wasn't going to cry anymore like I had almost every day. I shut myself off. Years later, I never found the switch to turn back on. I developed a bit of dissociation that has persisted. DON'T RUN FROM THE PAIN. Run towards it. You WANT the tears to come. And KEEP coming, until the pain is gone. Or else you have a chance of becoming like I did. I don't feel much emotion anymore, and it's not a blessing -- unlike what most people think it would be. 6
amaysngrace Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 I think it's great that you talked yourself out of a slump but how did you suck in a tear through your eye? 3
MrMeh Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 I think it's great that you talked yourself out of a slump but how did you suck in a tear through your eye? Handstand? 2
SycamoreCircle Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 There will be more tears. This was just an instance of great determination. When there will be no more tears, you won't bother to tell us or anyone else about it. But...you have our support. :-) 1
Raena Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 SiH is on to something... Yes, it's good to suck it up a little bit so that you aren't a blubbering mess ALL the time and slowly start to mend... but it really isn't good to push it down and ignore it. The only way to get over it is to go THROUGH it. 1
hockeydan Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 There are hours/days that no f***s are given about my ex and BAM just like that the emotions sneak up on me and I feel like a blabbering baby. Its a crazy rollercoaster. 1
Author Boymeetsgirl Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Today I actually feel worse.. thought I had a real turning point! But then I had to go and dream of her again didn't I. I seem to wake every morning feeling depressed and that I should hope to get her back somehow. Knowing she is happy and not giving any f**ks about me hurts. I've had heartbreak before. This was my 4th serious relationship.. but it wasn't the closest emotionally. We didn't share our feelings until the very end when it fell apart (because she met someone else but used every other excuse to not look like a total bitch). But I didn't allow myself to get so attached as I was trying to save heartbreak for the both of us as we had uncertain futures moving to different states. But that said.. this is the hardest BU I've been through Or else you have a chance of becoming like I did. I don't feel much emotion anymore, and it's not a blessing -- unlike what most people think it would be. I actually feared I was already like this when I was IN the actually relationship. I thought I was broken and couldn't love like I use to in the past. The BU opened me back up and I always knew I loved her but buried it deep inside to protect my and her heart (stupid I know). But at least I know I work properly again. Just a shame we didn't reconcile as our relationship would have been so much stronger because of it. My first 2 months of no contact where relatively easy before I discovered she was with someone else straight after dumping me. I guess it is ups and downs
Author Boymeetsgirl Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Long story short. We were together over a year and traveled the world together. Thought we had a special bond and our relationship would just grow and grow. It was relaxed but it was obvious how much we cared for each other. We both returned to our home states and got new jobs. We had plans to save and travel. We chatted everyday, seemed even closer somehow despite the distance. She meets a new guy at work. I become history! Haven't heard from her in over 2 months. Only feeble reply's to my 'reach out' texts to see if we could reconcile after a NC break. After being dumped, ignored and obviously lied to so she could hide her blossoming new romance.. I would actually still love to sort things out and be back with her. But this goes against everything I would have thought I would have been like since finding out she's left me in favor for someone else. I hate being like this but don't think I can shake the feeling of wanting her back constantly. I have had strong moments where I thought I can move on. But 98% of the time I'm just thinking of her and wanting to reconcile!
mightycpa Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Tolstoy: Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them. You just have to change your perspective on what being with her would actually be like. Far too often, we idealize the relationship, and remember only the good feeling, rather than the day to day interactions.
Author Boymeetsgirl Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Tolstoy: Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them. You just have to change your perspective on what being with her would actually be like. Far too often, we idealize the relationship, and remember only the good feeling, rather than the day to day interactions. I have thought about what being with her again would be like. It would be even better than our already great relationship was. Not knowing what you have until its gone is so true. I think I would appreciate her more. And tell her what she really meant to me rather than taking things as slow as we did.
mightycpa Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I have thought about what being with her again would be like. It would be even better than our already great relationship was. Yeah, probably, except for the parts where she lives in another state, meets new guys and goes out with them. I would think that you'd recognize that a) being in different states means you're not really WITH her, and b) the part where she dates guys that actually are with her sucks. I don't think you're giving that much weight in your thinking. Maybe what you can do is compromise. Tell her that you want to keep in touch with her, and see her every now and again, but you also recognize it is important to date people that are local to you. She might jump at the chance, and then you have the best of both worlds.
Moonborn Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 After being dumped, ignored and obviously lied to so she could hide her blossoming new romance.. I have thought about what being with her again would be like. It would be even better than our already great relationship was. Unless you are into being treated like trash and lied to, I am having troubles understanding what was so great in the relationship you had. Either there is something missing from the picture you gave us, or you are being delusional. Which is not uncommon at all mind you, but you should snap out of it for your own sake.
Author Boymeetsgirl Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Yeah, probably, except for the parts where she lives in another state, meets new guys and goes out with them. I would think that you'd recognize that a) being in different states means you're not really WITH her, and b) the part where she dates guys that actually are with her sucks. I don't think you're giving that much weight in your thinking. Maybe what you can do is compromise. Tell her that you want to keep in touch with her, and see her every now and again, but you also recognize it is important to date people that are local to you. She might jump at the chance, and then you have the best of both worlds. Being in different states was always going to be just temporary as we had solid plans to live together again and travel. Visas and dates were all in place. And as far as I know she still plans to travel to the same destination as me and reside there for a year. Obviously just not with me now. Iv'e told her I would still like to keep in touch and I'll be here if she needs me. She was happy with that. But Iv'e heard zip from her. Also I'm in her state soon visiting family and Iv'e offered to meet up but she feels that would make her 'uncomfortable'. So she hasn't jumped at the chance to be friends and still meet up. Quite the opposite I know I should just move on. But as I said, I just can't seem to. Iv'e reached out several times but with no luck. Now I'm in strict no contact for ever (trying my best), to see if she will reach out on her own accord (looking doubtful).
Author Boymeetsgirl Posted August 14, 2014 Author Posted August 14, 2014 Unless you are into being treated like trash and lied to, I am having troubles understanding what was so great in the relationship you had. Either there is something missing from the picture you gave us, or you are being delusional. Which is not uncommon at all mind you, but you should snap out of it for your own sake. Well it all fell apart in the end. The actually relationship was good. But when we had physical distance apart due to temporally living in different states it all obviously went to crap very quickly when she met a new guy. The harder I tried to save it the further I pushed her away
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